Episode 021 – Lisha Davidovits
Welcome to another episode of The HERO Show. I am your host Richard Matthews, (@AKATheAlchemist) and you are listening to episode #021 with Lisha Davidovits –Compassion: Unlocking One’s Potential & Opening Limitless Possibilities.
Lisha is a is a personal and executive coach, with 14 years of experience in coaching, performance consulting, and client relations roles for senior managers and leaders in Fortune 500 companies. She’s the founder of CoachLisha.com where she dedicates her time to advancing her clients’ understanding of themselves and their full potential, thereby accelerating them from where they are to where they want to be.
Here’s just a taste of what we talked about today:
- Taking people from where they are to where they want to be,
- Being your authentic self.
- Identifying your core values.
- Silencing the saboteurs.
- Curiosity and enthusiasm towards learning about other people.
- Asking questions that point and bring to light the different parts of one’s self.
- Compassion creates safety, it is the key.
- Compassion is fierce and tenderness; it is part of our best selves.
- There is a challenge for every strength.
- Strengthening your Positive Intelligence and bringing up your Sage Voice.
- Fighting for people’s right to love the life that they live.
- Our Brain
The HERO Challenge
Today on the show Lisha challenged Dave Grange to be a guest on The HERO Show. Lisha thinks that Dave would be a fantastic interview because he is one of the nicest people Lisha has ever met. Dave has a terrific upbeat, enthusiastic personality, with plenty of charisma and intellect. He is an outdoor adventure coach, so he shares Richard’s passion for the great outdoors.
How To Stay Connected With Lisha
Want to stay connected with Lisha? Please check out their social profiles below.
Also, Lisha mentioned Positive Intelligence on the show. You can visit PositiveIntelligence.com for more information.
- Website: CoachLisha.com
- Youtube Channel: Coach Lisha
- Twitter Handle: @coach_Lisha
- Facebook Page: Coach Lisha
Call To Adventure
Don’t forget you can stay connected to me and the show by subscribing now. Just text ALCHEMY to 444999. Or you put your email address in the box at the bottom of this page. You’ll get all sorts of cool gifts, be updated about our contests and polls, and get notified when we publish new episodes. With that… let’s get to listening to the episode…
The Webinar Alchemy Workshop: https://richardmatthews.me/fs/waw-slf/
Hello and welcome back to The HERO Show.
I am on the line with Lisha Davidovits. Lisha, are you there?
Yes. Hi, I’m here. Thank you for having me on your show.
Awesome. Yeah. Glad to have you here. It’s really cool.
We were just talking earlier about your name Davidovits.
That’s a complicated name to pronounce. I got it down now.
So I feel like we’ve started the show off on a good note.
Yeah, yeah. So unfortunately, your kids have to learn to spell that in elementary school.
You said you had a couple of kids in elementary school. Right?
Yeah, they’ve done well with it.
Awesome. So yeah, they’re doing good so far.
So Lisha, let me just introduce you a little bit.
You are a personal executive coach, you’ve got 14 years of experience in coaching,
you said you worked with the Dale Carnegie Institute.
You do performance consulting, you’ve got working with client relationships
and senior managers, fortune 500 companies for the last couple of years.
And you just made a transition from working for someone else doing that kind of coaching,
to starting your own business. Right. So does that sound about accurate for where we’re at?
Yeah, I mean, there was a gap between when I was working at Dale Carnegie
and then starting my own business. So you know, we were talking about stories.
And there’s a story that’s woven into that journey that brought me to where I am today.
Yeah, absolutely. So let’s start off on the show.
I start off the show same way. Everywhere it is what are you known for today?
If someone’s going to call up Lisha and say,
“Lisha, I want your help.” What is the reason they would be calling?
What are you known for?
This psyches me up, because this is my passion.
And her there’s so much gratitude to be able to see this as
taking people from where they are to where they want to be,
and you know, sometimes even shaping. “What does that look like?”
The are people who are, you know, in a place where they feel good,
they, you know, they kind of have it all or have a lot going on,
but feel like there’s a missing piece. And it’s kind of like Shel Silverstein’s book
it’s like that missing piece. And so they come to me,
and we work together to look at that missing piece.
“What is that? What does that look like? How does that connect with one’s values?”
And then, taking them to that place, through their journey of being courageous
and accessing their own creativity, and resourcefulness and growth and development.
And it’s so exciting and rewarding, because people really are
able to achieve so much more than they realize.
And we each have even more potential in us than we know,
and I help people uncover that and remove those layers that are
hiding in a bit and letting them see all of their amazing qualities and potential.
Awesome. So are you doing that mostly with like, executive still?
Or are you working with, with moms or you’re working with entrepreneurs or
stay-at-home, you know, stay-at-home working moms?
Who’s the audience that you do some of this coaching with?
It actually runs quite a broad spectrum.
You know, there are people who are professionals, there are executives
where they have reached this very high level and have this feeling of like,
“Well, I’ve got it all, but my life doesn’t feel quite right.”
And so it’s helping your executives who have been high achievers,
who have achieved a lot in their career,
but are looking for something that’s missing personally, oftentimes, there’s, you know,
maybe a lack of or shortcoming in emotional intelligence
and tapping into that emotional intelligence helps them then build connections
with family that has maybe, you know, gone by the wayside, or other connections.
So it’s looking at with, you know, executives at that high level,
looking at their life, from there’s sides and helping to, you know, round that out.
Yeah, we talked frequently about when you get into either
building a business or running at high levels, with you know,
if you’re an executive of a large company is being aware of the monster you’re building. Right?
And, and making sure it’s a monster you want to live with. Right?
So you’re helping them sort of shape that into being something
they actually do want to live with.
They’re excited to be doing the work they’re doing
and still have the life they want while doing it.
Right, exactly. And also looking at that separation between
doing & being because a lot of high-achieving people
are people that have these very big ambitions like,
“Well, I have to do this”
…and you know, then they may be avoided,
are there certain things that are stopping them?
And it’s because who their being isn’t aligning with what they’re doing?
Or they think that they want to do it?
Because they feel like they should, but that’s not honoring values.
So it’s really kind of doing this deep dive of like,
“Are you – Is this being your authentic self in what you’re going after?
Are you doing it because you think that you should do it?
Is this really what you want?
What do you really, really want?”
And you know, putting that magnifying glass under it.
And sometimes, it’s an interesting discussion to have with people,
because I know for the longest time like you think you know what you want, until you get it.
And then you realize that maybe that’s not what I wanted, right?
And like, just as a personal example, the first five years of my business…
one of my goals was it was a revenue goal,
I was looking to hit a specific revenue goal.
And then I hit that revenue goal, and realize that
I didn’t need that much money to live the life I wanted to live.
So it was beyond where I actually needed or wanted to be.
And then the other thing I realized was that
the revenue goal didn’t take into account some of the other things that I wanted,
which was like time, freedom and location freedom
and the time that I wanted to spend with my family
and realized that like I was going for, I was going for something that
I thought I wanted and then you realize you don’t want
and where I’ve come down was realizing that like
What I enjoy most as I enjoy the journey, right?
The journey of going from where I was to hitting that goal was actually
“How do I set myself up to have cool journeys when I’m building something
the thing that I enjoyed. And so it’s like,
that allow me to keep the things that I really want, which was like
the time freedom, location, freedom, that kind of stuff,
Right! Absolutely, yeah. And that’s a huge realization.
And there are people that don’t work with that haven’t quite gotten to that point.
They think they want something but haven’t really looked at like,
well, what does that look like in that sense of fulfillment,
whether it’s going to be there and a lot of it is connected to values.
For you, it sounds like, there wasn’t so much value of money,
you thought maybe that’s what it was, but then there was actually realization
“No, my true values are a value for travel and for family and for freedom.”
So when you’re saying like, what are your core values?
That’s when there’s the neediness that comes out of coaching.
Yeah. And what’s interesting is, after having that realization,
and changing what I was doing, I actually surpassed my revenue goals.
And because it was it, like by a long shot.
And so, it exploded my business because I was actually
focusing on the things that really drove me.
Yes, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So we live a life that we love, and you know,
other things will fall into place, it’s about that passion that’s in the heart
and who we’re being, rather than, you know,
“I need to do this. This is success.”
Like, you know, success doesn’t look like something. It feels like something.
Yeah. And one of the discussions I was having with
my friend and business partner the other day, we stayed up, like,
4am talking about this actually. It was this idea that, when you’re creating something,
you have a couple of options. You can create derivative, or you can create new.
So like, when you learn something from someone, and you’re like,
I’m going to go in and implement that and it might be really good and beautiful
to do something like that. But it’s a derivative, it’s derivative value, right?
You’ve created – you’re just duplicating something that has already existed,
or coming in and creating something new in the marketplace
and adding your own value and unique perspective on something like that.
And realizing that, for me, specifically, it was like,
how can I transition to doing more of… instead of creating derivative value,
creating innovative value. And, that was something that I’ve been doing for a while,
but didn’t have words to put to it until we sort of discussed it.
But it’s that same idea, right? You’re looking at what is it that actually really drives you?
What is it you want to be doing?
You kind of know what you really want to do. But there’s some sickness
And they’re just, “It’s here, and I’m here, and I just don’t know how to get there.”
and I work with clients that are also that were, you know, they have a certain dream.
Or there are all these saboteurs that start kicking in as soon as we stretch our comfort zone,
those new saboteurs that are kind of that, you know, inner critic of like,
“You can’t do this, you shouldn’t do this. What are you thinking?”
Those start sinking in to protect us.
It’s a survival mechanism but they’re not serving our best interest.
So I worked on people to fighting those saboteurs
and assessing what Shirzad Chamine calls the sage voice
or that all-knowing, looking out for our best interest.
Absolutely. So I want to transition a little bit…
So give us a good idea of like, where you’re at now
and what you’re doing, which will help people with what we’re talking about
How you got there? we’d talk about how every hero has an origin story. Right?
So it’s where you started to realize that maybe you were different?
That maybe you had superpowers.
That maybe you could use them to help other people.
That’s where you started to develop and discover
the value that you could bring to this world.
Tell me how that started? The journey for how you got here?
Yeah, thank you. Well, what’s exciting for me is the awareness that I had
ever since I was little. I used to go with my mom when I was in elementary school,
and she was getting her nails done.
And I would love sitting there because I like talking to the other people
that were waiting in the waiting area, and just, you know,
talking to them and hearing what they were sharing,
I was just so curious about people. And so I’ve had that curiosity,
and then you’re getting older, I would just have conversations with people, and then,
go home and I say “Oh, so she was telling me this…” or I would tell friends,
and they would say like, “that’s interesting.”
People don’t usually share that much about themselves.
And so I found, okay, there’s something there where people feel safe,
sharing more than they usually do with me, maybe I’m a good listener,
but I just love and fascinated by people and how or what makes them tick.
As I think people can sense that. So it was kind of, you know,
having this sense of curiosity, and, you know, just enthusiasm towards learning about people.
And remember, even like, I was on a train one time, and someone was, you know,
talking about like, “Oh, no, yeah, I’m a little nervous to go visit family.”
And I was like, “Oh, why?” And, you know, their story went on, it turned out,
they were, like, in their parole to go visit family, and I’m like,
“Oh, my gosh, maybe this isn’t a good superpower of, people telling me everything, right?”
This is too much information. So, no, but it’s great.
Because, you know, it’s those you were talking about with stories,
I love hearing people’s stories and people’s journeys and experiences
and learning, you know, I think about how I have my own life.
And if I live in this tunnel, my experience and perceptions
and views are going to be so narrow. But by learning about other people,
it’s just you know, broadens the minds in the spirit and awareness.
And so it’s so good to travel too because then you experience different cultures.
And so, having that fascination and that sense of like,
there’s something about this person and then engaging with them
and realising that this person’s rich with interesting information.
That’s really fascinating, because I had a similar experience growing up.
I’m not sure how common this is for people who do this kind of work.
We do coaching and stuff like that. But I remember in high school,
my spiritual mentor at the time, when I graduated, pulled me aside and was like,
I have something I’m going to tell you that I know you’re not going to believe right now.
But he’s like, I just need to tell you, because it’ll make sense later.
And he was like, he was like, A, you need to be careful with what you say, and who you say it to.
Because people will do the things you tell them. Right?
He’s like, then people will listen to you when you speak.
And I remember I was like, 17 at the time. And I was like, whatever, right? Like that.
It was, you know, it was way over the head kind of thing.
And I was, you know, I wasn’t ready for the message.
He knew I wasn’t ready for the message.
But he gave it to me anyways. And I remember it was three or four years later,
I was in college. And one of my best friends at the time had told me like,
he was like, “You’re one of those people that ooze trust.”
And he told me it was green, he was like “You ooze trust it’s green.
That’s why people talk to you and tell you things.
And that you’re someone that I looked up to like a mentor of mine in college.”
We’d sit down and we’re talking through a whole bunch of like relationship stuff.
Because he was getting ready to get married and some other things.
I’m like, all this like high-level like deep stuff for lovers, you know,
life-lasting decisions he was going to make,
and he was chatting with me about them.
And over the next couple of weeks,
he made a bunch of decisions in his life that were like a direct result of the things
that we had talked about. And I remember thinking to myself, like
“Oh, crap, he actually made life-commitment decisions
based on things that I said to him.”
And it was like the weight of what my mentor told me in high school, like,
finally landed on me, I was like,
“Oh, I do actually have to, like care about the things that I say to people.
Because they listen.”
And so anyways, that was interesting that you’ve had sort of a
similar experience realizing that people are, you know,
they’ll pour their hearts out to you. And then you know,
if you offer any sort of advice, a lot of times people will take it
and change lifestyle stuff.
Right. Exactly. Yeah. Which is, you know, I feel like it’s such a gift
and something that I’m grateful for, because I had people who come to me
and talk to me about I remember, like in high school and college
my parents want this for me, but this is what I want.
And I remember having this very strong longing for them to have
what it was that they wanted, rather than going for what they felt they should go for.
And that’s one of the reasons why I love coaching people who are you know,
in that place too. It’s an opportunity for me to help them see that
I’m, as a coach, I don’t tell people what they should do
or what they shouldn’t do, but it’s just asking questions
that point at different parts of themselves and bring that to light
and fan the flame on it. So that they can realize, “This is what I want to be doing.”
This is my dream. So often, we’re living other people’s dreams,
because we want to please, we grew up wanting to please our parents or
for some, wanting to avoid displeasing them.
But you know, they’re there for support. And to me, there are exceptions.
But, you know, parents are there to support us.
We want children that naturally wants to please.
And as they grow up, they want that.
Sometimes there are people that just don’t look within themselves
for what they genuinely want. There was even a baking show, I was watching.
And there was a woman who was in.
She was doing accounting, but she said I’m doing accounting,
because that’s what my dad said I should do. And that’s what I’m doing.
Because he said that’s going to be the best career path. But I love to bake.
And in all of my spare time I bake and she was an amazing baker
and I just wanted to start crying because it’s like,
that’s what she should be. That’s not what she should be doing.
But that’s her light. That’s her spark her passion. That’s what is fulfilling,
…something that makes her come alive.
Yeah. And she was saying, like,
“If I can win this competition, then I know my dad will see that
I have potential to be successful in this and to make a living and to be okay.”
And so, you know, there’s just so much where I’m like,
“I want people to just live with the utmost passion and sense of fulfillment for themselves.”
And yeah, there’s will be happy and to see them happy, hopefully.
And if they’re not, then that’s your relationship to be worked on.
It’s interesting, because sometimes you have to absolutely able
to take things that you’re passionate about and turn them into revenue for your your life,
and sometimes you’re not. And sometimes you have to decide: How can I?
How can I do the things I want to do and still live the life I want to live?
Like, for instance, one of my passions is kayaking, right?
I’ve really loved kayak, but it’s not ever like I’m not going to ever be a professional.
I’m not going to be the kind of person that can turn that into revenue.
Maybe if I wanted to get into like product development in kayaking,
I can do that. But like the actual, like getting out on the water and kayaking,
I’m not ever going to have sponsors sponsoring me.
I’m not that not that good. It’s just something I like doing.
So instead, it’s like how do I develop a lifestyle around like the business that I have,
that gives me the freedom to go kayaking, when I want to.
To take my kids out when I want to? And having that realization
and coming through and figuring out, like,
“How do I take the things that I’m passionate about
– just one example, also cooking and other things,
like all the things that you like doing, it’s how do you design your life
in a way that you can do an experience and use your passions
to help other people or yourself or whatever, and still pay the bills.
You’re also then what comes into play are self-limiting beliefs where you know,
someone’s like, living with the mindset of this is how far it can take me.
And all of a sudden, when you start to kind of quiet those self-limiting beliefs
and you know, move them to the side, all of a sudden, it’s like,
“Wait, yeah, I could do this and I could take it there. And I could see here and here…”
there are even more possibilities, which is one of the things I do
when I’m coaching people is to look at situations from different perspectives.
And what that does, is that is a different part of the brain
that lends itself to greater creativity.
They’re asking better questions, right? Like, how far good to take it. Right?
Like, you know, for me – just as an example, that I’m never going to be
a professional in kayaking, right? Never going to be a professional.
Which is like, it’s literally it’s a shut off type question. Right?
It doesn’t open the brain to creativity. I’m like, how could I become a professional?
And like, what would it take to be a professional in kayaking?
And how could I get sponsorships and some of those things.
And when you ask those type of questions,
it changes the whole conversation you have in your brain.
And like, I’ve just already had those conversations.
So like, I know, that’s not the path I want to go down. Yeah.
But like that’s the idea. It is how do you approach something
where you’re using questions, saying I can’t.
They are shutting down the dialogue in your head
and asking better questions that open up that dialogue that turn your brain on.
Right. Absolutely. Yeah, there’s a lot of you with those self limiting beliefs.
A lot of it goes into storytelling of like,
“Oh, well, I was never that strong or that good in sports.”
“I just don’t have it in me.”
And so that’s the story that you live.
“Well, I’m not, you know, made to be a professional kayaker.”
I’m not saying like, That’s you. But that’s an example where someone just…
– they buy into a certain story.
“Well, you know, this is just not the path for me. This is not what I’m cut out for.”
We’re changing that story, then all of a sudden, there can be a huge shift
I had an experience with my, my son, he’s nine years old now.
It was couple years ago, he was like seven. And he was in gymnastics class.
And one of his buddies in gymnastics is one of those naturally gifted kids
who doesn’t matter what he does,
he’s just good at it. And you know, he can do
a round off back handspring at five years old,
and doesn’t even have to practice it, and his form for cartwheels
and the stuff that he’s doing,
the bars are all just perfect. And my son’s looking, he’s like,
“I’m not as good as that kid. I have to practice every day
to be half as good as he is.” And he noticed that really quickly.
And because he is a friend of him, they hang out all the time to do this kind of stuff.
And I was like, the difference is
– because I know his family. And I know the other kid –
he doesn’t have to try.
So he doesn’t, because he’s got talent. And I was like,
hard work will trounce talent every day of the week.
I was like, if you will put the work in.
I was like, you will get to a point where you’re better than he is.
It might take a while. You’re young.
Testosterone hasn’t even hit your system yet.
But if you put in the work now and you put in the the dedication towards that,
there will come a time where the hard work will outpace the talent.
And you can be as good or as competitive as you want.
And I was like, the magic comes in when you have someone who has that talent
and the dedication for hard work. And that’s where you get Olympians from,
but for someone who, like my son, doesn’t have the natural born talent
but he has the desire to work for it. He can go really, really far with that.
And most people don’t realize how far the hard work will take you
if you want to do it.
Yeah, and not just in that specific area. But in all areas. Anything.
Yeah, that work ethic? You know, that’s something that takes work in practice,
like, you know, strengthening a muscle.
Yeah, absolutely. So interesting to talk about where you came from.
We’ve been talking about this a little bit – what your superpower is, right?
So it’s what you do, or build or offer this world that helps solve people’s problems.
Like, what you use help slay people’s villains, their internal villains.
And I know, we’ve hinted out a little bit here and the idea of asking questions,
but if you could name it, what would you say your actual superpower is
that you really use to help people get to the next level now?
It comes from within. I feel this really strong sense of compassion.
And people pick up on that when I’m talking to them.
They can feel that there’s that compassion that creates safety.
And I think that what compassion as that superpower, what it does is it unlocks things.
And as soon as something is unlocked, then it opens up this whole
treasure chest of limitless possibilities.
And so it’s almost like that compassion is the key to unlocking one’s potential.
Yeah. So one of the things I find really interesting about the word compassion,
and I think this will be an interesting discussion,
is that people think compassion is a lovey-dovey word.
That, like compassion is a thing that mothers have for their children.
Like, you know, they hug their children, they sit them on the knee
and they teach them and they do those things.
I think that’s what compassion is. And it’s true, it is part of that.
But compassion is also like, watch what happens to that same mother,
when a kid at the playground knocks their kid over? Yeah, right.
That’s also compassion. Right? You know, the if you go
and mess with mommy bear’s cubs, what’s going to happen? Right?
And that’s part of that compassion.
The mindset is that their compassion also has a bit of aggression, where,
when someone tells you I can’t…
it’s probably part of that compassion conversation, which is no, that’s not right.
We need to fix that we need to change that and break that down.
And passion is not a you know, it’s not a fuzzy, good feeling thing all the time.
Sometimes there’s a rough edge to it,
that sometimes you have to help, you know, push someone and, you know,
if you really love them, right?
You’re not going to let them flounder. Right?
Yeah, that compassion, hold someone’s best interests in mind
and is able to, you know, see things and wanting to understand
and to want to, you know, support and have that connection.
Yeah. My point is compassion doesn’t necessarily mean nice.
So it was like it can be but it you know, sometimes it’s like,
“Hey, no, that’s, that’s wrong and let’s push past it.”
Let’s fix something and move forward.”
So a lot of times, it’s going to be in asking
and helping them ask better questions of themselves.
And being tough on their answers.
That’s true. And I think that
so compassion is a feeling that can start with tenderness.
It’s really a key to being able to see things from another person’s point of view.
Let’s say, there are some managers where they might say,
“Oh, my whole team is, like, just completely floundering.
And they’re a bunch of losers … “
Then that is not being compassionate.
So compassion is not, “Oh, I’m going to hug everyone and take everyone out to lunch.
I know, they’re having a hard time. So I can’t help them.”
Like, that’s not compassion either.
But saying, like, “They’re having a hard time.
Something’s not working for them.” that’s where compassion starts,
and then, taking that compassion, that’s kind of like
biting that fire to the next level of saying,
“Now let me seek to understand what’s going on with the team,
with the employees. Let me start by looking at myself, because oftentimes,
someone, an executive will be doing things unintentionally,
and then have a domino effect on the team.
So first, it’s important to look at how what am I doing that’s affecting others.”
That compassion lends itself to the desire to search to be curious;
to want to connect and want to change.
If you don’t have compassion, there’s almost a lack of caring,
there’s no reverence, there’s a selfishness in a way.
Yeah, and it’s such a big word, right?
Because, you’re talking about compassion, it’s like you just mentioned,
it’s not necessarily just a willingness to want to make it better for them.
But it’s like, “Maybe I need to – it’s me that I need to change.”
“Maybe it’s something in the environment that needs to change.”
But there’s a willingness to change whatever it is
in order to help the other person achieve the goal that they want to achieve.
And maybe it’s in the other person, maybe it’s in the environment,
maybe it’s in you, maybe it’s in the situation.
But it’s a willingness to tackle that problem and take care of it.
For, you know, in the best interest of the other people that are involved.
Yeah, right. And usually, that compassion starts with
one’s self-compassion for oneself.
And to say, like, “Okay, I’m not perfect,
let me acknowledge what might be going on with me.”
And then, you know, look at what’s going on with others.
Know that acknowledgement is a part of it,
and then acceptance and saying,
“Okay, this is the situation”
And then to be kind to oneself and not let the saboteurs set and start.
If the superpower yourself is having that compassionate understanding,
is it also learning how to impart that kind of compassion to like,
when you’re working with executives, teach them how to have that kind of a viewpoint?
yeah, I think, you know, there are efforts made
and kind of changing perspective and awareness,
that lends itself to that to being more compassionate.
So I wouldn’t necessarily go in and say, like,
I’m going to help you be a more compassionate person, per se.
But it definitely lends itself to that compassion.
Compassion is part of our best selves,
what helps us thrive as humans is to have that gentleness and kindness
and to not beat ourselves up about things
and to be willing to accept what might be hard to accept.
And to be able to kind of have that emotional intelligence, you know,
a lot of it is linked to emotional intelligence, positive intelligence,
which resides in different parts of the brain, then the opposite,
which would be you know, the saboteurs and the inner critics
and the judge and all of that.
Yeah. So, you know, in speaking – in terms of it being a superpower,
one of the things that I have seen which is not very common is the ability
to take yourself out of your own head,
and transition your perspective into the person that you’re working with
and see the situation from their perspective.
And I don’t know what the word for that is.
I don’t know if it fits in the compassion umbrella or not.
But obviously, it’s a skill that you have,
would you consider that part of one of your superpowers?
I definitely.. Hey, I wouldn’t say it’s a super power, per se.
I do seek to understand from another person’s point of view.
But in working with clients, my approach – I was trained at
the Coaches Training Institute, CTI.
And the whole approach, there’s about being proactive,
and it’s seeing the client as naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.
So I don’t need to necessarily understand from their point of view,
or see things from their point of view, or put myself in their shoes,
and helping them to look at the world through different lenses to you know,
process their own experiences differently, to experience what fulfillment looks like,
and to ask questions that help them, you know, unlock different parts of their brain.
And there has to be that compassion, in order to be fully present
and to really like, kind of be wholy holding that space.
And that structural integrity and holding that space is very much linked to compassion.
That’s really interesting, because you said something there that I have not heard before.
And I want you to talk about a little bit more,
“I don’t have to see the world from their perspective.
In order to help them understand their world better.”
You just have to be able to ask the questions that unlock their brain
talk a little bit more about that,
because I’ve never really heard that from a coach’s perspective.
And like, what does that what does that mean?
That means looking at them with this very open curiosity,
anything just unassuming, non judgmental, whoever this person is,
in front of me, is someone it’s almost like, you know, a child was like,
gosh, I’ve never seen this before. This is completely new and different.
And well, you know, if they’re describing a situation, what, what’s that?
Like? How does that serve you? What’s there for you?
You know, when you’re doing that, what becomes possible, you know,
all of these really powerful questions that send their mind different parts of their brain.
And it’s like, you know, kind of like ping pong, like, what is that?
Okay, you know, they’ll talk about like, I was doing this and doing this.
Okay, great. Sounds like you know, you’re on autopilot.
What energy was within you? Oh, you know, I was tight and anxious.
Oh, you know, what’s it like to feel tight and anxious?
Oh, you know, it feels like I’m stuck. And I can’t move.
And you know, what’s that, like?
So all of a sudden, it’s, you know, just really like getting in there
and exploring the mind and the body and the spirit.
So that people who, you know, don’t even think about it,
like someone will be talking. And I’ll say like,
Oh, no, see, you’re tapping your foot. What’s that about? Like?
I guess I don’t know. I’m kind of excited when I’m talking about this.
And so then they start to like, increase their awareness about
how they really feel about something more. They’re talking about,
like spending time with family, and they’re wringing their hands.
And I’m like, I see you’re wringing your hands.
Cuz I didn’t realize how stressed I get when I talk about it.
And so yeah, it’s like, you know, that’s their point of view.
And I’m just helping to uncover and peel away the layers.
Right? So you’re sort of approaching someone’s thoughts
and mentalities about the thing they’re doing like, like an explorer,
almost like you’re exploring their mind with them.
That’s really cool. And that’s how you approach
your coaching relationships as well, that kind of a mindset.
Yeah, we are full explorers.
And there’s no like, you know, the coach has the power,
the client has the power, it’s the relationship that has the power
and the coaching–client, empower the relationship by showing up,
I think, fully present by being committed to that growth and learning.
Yeah, I always tell people, like when we get on and do coaching calls,
the mindset that I always like to have is like, you know,
if I’m ever going to make a recommendation for someone…
first, I have to, like, I have to have all the information.
Like, if you go to the doctor, and your arm hurts, it’s like, you know,
what’s your diet like? And what’s your, you know,
like, yeah, you have to explore, and you get up to get all
the bits and pieces. So, like, I’ll get on a coaching call with someone.
We’ll spend two hours just talking through everything,
before we even get to like, prescriptions or so to speak, right?
Like, what things that we might do to change them?
Because you’re just, you’re just exploring, like…
What does your business look like? What your clients look like?
What does your products that look like?
And like, all the things that we do in my business?
Because I’m, you know, generally we’re not doing performance coaching,
we’re doing marketing coaching, it’s like, how do we speak to their audience.
And so we have to figure out, like, who their audience is,
and, you know, what the problems their audience have and like,
what their customers’ journey looks like.
And so we spent a lot of time doing that..
we explore together. And a lot of times what you find is like,
they’ve been doing a lot of this stuff on autopilot,
they’ve never really thought about all those things.
So you know, we’re just defining it for them,
helping them define it by asking them smart questions while we explore their world.
Exactly. And it’s, you know, part of the cycle,
what makes sense about that for you? And if they’re responding?
Well, this is what everyone says I should do, then all of a sudden,
like, that’s a yellow flag, like, Okay, well, you know, what are your thoughts about that?
Or what’s really true about that, you know, people will buy into, like,
this is what the experts say, as they pull you know, what’s true for you about that?
And, you know, then you kind of send their mind somewhere else, too.
So yeah, that co exploration, and even you getting like,
really deep down into the root of what’s going on, rather than, you know,
talking about the symptoms, just like, you know, you mentioned with a doctor,
then you’re not going to just look at, you know, symptoms,
if you’re a really good doctor, you’re gonna say like, what’s the root of this?
What’s really causing this? And let’s, you know, talk about that,
because that is what is going to bring about change.
Absolutely. So the other side of a superpower
If we’re talking compassion…
Whst is the fatal flaw? So the fatal flaw is, you know, like,
Superman has his kryptonite.
Batman is not actually super.
He’s just rich and dedicated.
What is something that has either held you back
or kept you from doing the things that you want to do
a fatal flaw you’ve had in your business?
But more importantly, what have you done or set up
or done in response to that, to help overcome it and move forward?
So other people who might suffer from something similarly, you know,
might be able to take something from that?
Yeah, well, I think, you know, with every strength, there’s, you know,
an upside and, you know, a challenge.
And so for me, like, having that question, passion is great,
because I care so much, and so that really motivates me to
be fully present. The fatal flaw in that is that sometimes,
I care so much that I can get frustrated.
If you know, someone is like, doing something that is counter
to what they really want. They’ll say that they want this and they’re making progress.
And then a saboteur will, you know, kick in, and they’re avoiding or doing other things,
and I’m like, you know, I start to feel like,
“Okay, why are you know, making these choices?
Why do you choose, you know, everything is a choice, like,
why are you choosing this way, like, you know,
and so there’s this, like, “Grrr…” this internal, like, frustration,
so what I then need to do, because obviously, like,
that’s fine, good, let it come across to the clients, and it’s not good for, you know, it’s not helpful
for your own, like, your own well, being even
exactly like, you know, I need to let that compassion soar
and so I just, you know, I practice patience, and to say, like, you know,
I am doing all that I can to help this individual, at the end of the day,
it’s their journey to, you know, relinquish any sense of responsibility,
and wanting to control things. And this even applies to children too.
as many times as we say, like, please don’t do that
don’t do that… then they do it again, it’s like,
there’s that compassion of like, they’re learning, they’re growing,
they’re doing the best that they can, and I’m here to support them, because I care
and want what’s best, and I can see that and keep moving them towards that.
And so to not let that become a personal anguish.
One of the things like, if we were to …
it’s like a personal investment in someone else’s results. Right?
That can be like, it’s not your result, right?
It’s their result. And when you buy into it too much, then it’s not helpful to them,
or you are right, and one of the things that we put in our, in our effort,
we have a little sign up at our house called the the agony principle.
And the agony principle is something that I had to put up for my wife,
because my wife has that problem. She home schools, the kids.
And just like as an example, my son is really good at math.
He’s really good at some other things.
But like, when it comes to reading,
like reading was a struggle for him it was really hard.
And you know, he’s he’s gotten a lot better at it.
But over a while, it was like pulling teeth to get him to read.
And the problem we were running into is the person who
would get frustrated at the reading, and progress and whatever that was,
was my wife. And basically, the actual principle is the one who feels the pain
is the one who’s motivated to make the change. Yeah, right.
So for for us, you know, when we’re working on like,
how do we set up discipline? And how do we do things in this?
You know, school is like,
How do we set up the incentive structure?
So if my son’s not doing the work, that he’s the one that’s feeling the results of that.
And when he does do the work, he sees the benefits of it? Right?
It’s like, how do we set up the incentive structure,
but in the same token, as a coach, is how do you work with someone so that like,
if they’re, you know, how are you helping them to,
to see the detriments of, you know, to feel the agony
when they make a decision that’s not taking them to their highest and best.
Because if you feel the agony, it doesn’t help.
It’s not gonna help them change.
So you have to help put the put the agony on them,
when they’re not taking the path that, they could be taking
right, you know, that’s best for them. So it’s interesting, what are your thoughts on that?
Well, rather than, you know, feeling the impact? I think, you know,
the way that I initially talked about it with clients is around values.
What values are you stepping over and doing?
What values are you allowing to be stepped on and that experience.
A second matter of honoring certain values or not honoring values,
because when one has that internal motivation, it is much more effective
than external modus of control or motivation,
so helping them to connect with what they really want,
what values they really want to honor,
and turn the volume up on that.
And then the actions that, you know,
follow is there will be more in line with that place of resonance.
It’s also you know, looking at the growth mindset,
and to praise every improvement, even the slightest improvement.
So when there are little stuffs like, you know, with a child learning to read,
with someone trying to have more patience, to say,
“Hey, look, what you did. You you’ve got it.”
“Look at how you are now compared to what were you last week!”
“Where are you now?” And then that motivates them
We have dance parties with the kids all the time. Dance parties.
Dance parties to celebrate everything!
Yeah, exactly. It’s that feel-good feeling.
So rather than avoiding pain or agony, there’s that desire to you know,
bring up that pleasure and that pride and you know,
whenever someone’s doing something that is, you know,
something should be recognized and applauded.
I was saying, like, how does that make you feel?
And then they’re connecting with not just what they did,
but that feeling that they get that rises up within them.
And that’s the best motivator.
Yeah, one of the things that we do all the time with my clients
for building like instructional material, is that their clients…
they’re generally the two biggest motivators.
Motivators are escape from pain and arrive at pleasure, right.
And generally speaking, the escape from pain is more powerful
than the arrive at pleasure, but it’s best if you can figure out
how to hit both of those. So what generally we’ll talk through
what the escape and the arrival looks like for their clients?
It’s like, okay, where are they now that they want to escape from
that they don’t want to be? What did they, you know,
we look at “be-do-have”, you know, what are?
What is it that, you know, character traits that they have?
– that they don’t want?
What are the things that they have to do that they don’t want to do? Right?
And what are the things that they don’t have
that they wish they had. Things that they want to escape. Pains.
And then the flip side, what are the arrivals?
Like, what do they want to be? Right?
What is the you know, what are the character traits they want to have?
What are the things that they want to have?
What are the stuff they want to do?
And we look at like, how do we build the training material
in such a way that it takes them from that escape from pain
to that arrival of pleasure? Because, you know, we figure, if, you know,
we know this about the human psychology?
How do we build that into our training, and it sounds like
you’re doing the same kind of thing. It’s like they have, you know,
if they’re stepping on their values, that’s an escape from pain,
helping them move so they’re not stepping on their values,
but also, what does it feel like when you live with these values at the forefront,
and you’re getting that arrival to pleasure as well.
So you’re helping them see both sides of that, which really helps motivate them.
Yeah, it’s bridging that gap.
And it’s looking at who they are, and who they’re becoming
in each step of the process.
Yeah, absolutely. So if you were to say you had a common enemy.
All your clients, if you could, could go like the first phone call,
you get on with someone if you could get in
and just take one thing and remove it from their lives immediately.
And that everything that you did with them would be better and faster
and more effective, because it was the common enemy
that you’re constantly fighting. Yes. What do you think that would be?
Oh, it’s definitely the saboteurs. With Shirzad Chamine,
he’s done a tremendous amount of work on identifying saboteurs,
which are the inner critic voices, and there are seven identified.
And so when I first start working with the client,
I’m really trying to hone in on you know,
which are their top saboteurs, it could be the pleaser, the avoider,
the hyper vigilant, hyper achiever, those are the you know,
the voices that are going to be self defeating.
And so I bring that to a client’s attention, have them notice
when it’s showing up, and really like become aware of it,
and then learn how to, you know, strengthen that muscle,
for the positive intelligence part of the brain,
in order to quiet that and it takes practice,
just like building you know, a bicep muscle,
you need to train it and work it and reinforce it.
But with positive intelligence, the same thing can be done with that part of the brain.
That’s really, really interesting.
Do two things for me real quick,
repeat the name of the guy who’s done the research on it.
And there is a book that talks about that?
Yes, it’s called positive intelligence. And his name is Shirzad
S H I R Z A D
and Chamine is the last name
C H A M I N E
And then Okay, so we’ll make sure we get that into the show notes for people
if they’re interested in looking that up.
And real quick, you said there were seven of these,
these voices, do a quick like recap of each one.
And you know, maybe people will be able to sort of see that
in themselves just by sort of hearing you talk about them real quick.
Well, so I appreciate your enthusiasm on that
what I think could be even better is on the positiveintelligence.com website,
there’s an assessment that takes like five minutes to complete.
And then and, you know, I’m getting no royalties from like, you know,
encouraging this so there’s nothing but it’s just so effective
and quick and very accurate. So it’ll show you immediately your results
after you do this five minute assessment,
your average scores in order of you know, greatest to like highest to lowest,
so the ones that show up the most based on your responses,
and then the ones that are at the bottom.
And the Judge Saboteur. The Judge is the universal…
It is the one that saying, like, “How could that person be doing that?”
“Oh, look what that person is doing? Oh, how can I be so dumb?”
“Happy that person, you know, be so ignorant.”
And so you know, that’s the judge that everyone has,
it’s the universal and then there’s as – I mentioned,
the pleaser, avoider, hyper vigilant, hyper achiever.
See, few others that are not that top of mind,
but they’re all on the PositiveIntelligence.com site
Those are for people, you know, if you ever see it in Hollywood,
the little red guy and little angel guy.
These are all the different like personalities
that the little red guy takes on
fear and keeps you from doing the things that you should be doing.
Yeah, or like the light side over the dark side.
And the light?
The light side.
Yeah, yeah, it’s very much like that. And you can almost like, you know,
hear that sometimes I’m working with clients
and we talked about how to bring up this inner wisdom
or Sage Voice, then, you know, when they’re talking about something,
I’ll say, well, what does your Sage Voice say to do?
And they’ll, you know, connect with that.
And they’ll be like, I need to have the courage to do this, like,
you know, that brings out this part of them that is, you know,
serving their best interests that I’m and with the positive intelligence assessment,
going back to that, once the results come out,
then you can also click on the bubbles at the top of the results page.
And it gives a description of each of the saboteurs.
Where they come from. What lies they tell.
Their origin? So it’s, you know, quite thorough.
Well, we could cover here in a couple of minutes.
But yeah, that’s, that’s really interesting,
because one of the things that I talked about when we do our like,
our instructional design coaching is like,
you have to help people identify the enemy. Right?
Identify the enemy, because once you’ve identified the enemy,
they’ll have motivation to change.
Yeah, and anyways, so it sounds like that.
That’s a cool little assessment, people can go and see, you know,
identify the enemy in their own heads
that’s keeping them from doing what they want to do.
Yeah. And it’s great, because it tells you like the lies they tell.
Sometimes, and especially executives, they’ll have a hyper achiever
and they’ll say, but you know, this has made me successful.
And then it’s like, yes, you know, you have become, you know, partner, which is,
you know, something that you are very proud of, at the same time,
how’s your relationship with your wife, with your children,
how’s fun and recreation in your life?
how, you know, how are you doing balancing health and wellness?
And so all of that might be suffering. So it’s really like it’s gotten them there.
But it hasn’t been serving their best interest because it’s operating from a place of fear.
So the saboteurs, they bring up fear,
fear of failure, fear of rejection, so you’re trying to avoid those things
through those actions. So when you’re driven by
avoidance of fear of pain, of agony, then your ability to access the creative,
resourceful part of your brain is shut down,
you’re more in that fight or flight survival mode.
I must do this, I have to get this done.
And as soon as that part is quieted,
and you’re using that Sage Voice to achieve,
then you’re operating from a different part of the brain.
That’s like I said, the positive intelligence part works.
Like, okay, what’s going to make this effective?
You’re coming from a place of like, openness and courage and safety.
Have you ever? Have you ever read a Tim Ferriss’ book, The 4-Hour Workweek?
So it’s really good book. It’s a it’s mostly about like outsourcing
and building business and that kind of stuff.
But one of the things he talks about in there is he talks about,
he has a section on quieting fears.
And he’s like, most people will build like a dream list,
like the things that they want to accomplish.
And it’s like, one of the things that’s really effective is to build out a greatest fear list
It’s like, here’s, you know, if I do this, right, if you fear rejection,
what’s the worst rejection that could happen?
And then what does my life look like as a result of it?
And how do I come back from it if it happens?
And so like you’re building through, and you’re going through all of these,
all the things that you fear, and realize, like, even if I take these steps
and have these things happen, and like, like, you know,
what’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?
And then you realize that, like, even if the worst happens,
not only do I have a plan for it but I know I would live through it,
and it would succeed, and the chances are that worst thing,
it’s not going to happen, right?
It’s going to be something it’s going to be something farther forward on,
the better list if you try if you move forward.
Well, Dale Carnegie and
he has a book about how to reduce stress in your life.
And one of the principles is to you know, take a situation
and look at the worst case scenario, figure out what you would do.
And then once you figure that out, then you have that energy to improve
upon the worst case scenario.
And usually that worst case scenario doesn’t even happen.
But at least you’re like, if that happened,
this is what I would do it would I got it figured out and then you can you know,
then you’ve quieted the fear voice, because you’re like, there you go.
That’s how I would do it. Like, the guy who’s shouting,
you might get rejected, you might get rejected, you’re like, yeah, okay, we’re good.
I know how to handle that.
Move forward and
…freeing up of energy to then designate towards improving upon that.
Yeah. That’s a cool, interesting discussion.
So I’ll talk about your driving force a little bit, right.
So you know, just like Batman fights to save Gotham
or Spider Man fights to save New York
or Google fights to index all of the world’s information for us and,
you know, at our fingertips, what is it that you fight for Lisha?
I fight for people’s right to love the life that they live.
know, we all have days that we don’t want to wake up and
we’re like, “I don’t … “
…the pursuit of happiness, right? The right to pursue happiness
exactly saying we don’t we don’t like our kids. We don’t like ourselves.
But we all deserve to like love what we do and who we are.
And so it’s helping like, one person at a time.
Saving one life at a time and hoping and as I grow my business,
it’ll be on a larger scale of helping one to many, and like,
helping people just love their lives and live into their lives
even more fully and with greater fulfillment.
Yeah, it reminds me of that, that starfish story.
There’s 1000, starfish washed up on the seashore.
And there’s an old man tossing this starfish back in the ocean,
and the kid comes up, and he’s like, Why?
Why are you doing this you can’t, you can’t make a difference for everyone.
And he picks up a starfish and tosses it back and he says,
it makes a difference to this one.
It makes a difference to this one and he tosses it in.
And you know, when you’re working with someone …
what’s interesting is you actually probably have a bigger impact than that,
because of the type of people you’re working with.
You have a ripple effect of, you know, you work with them,
and then they go forward and do their work.
And they’re able to provide value at a higher level because of what you’ve unlocked for them.
It fills me with joy…
Yeah. So that’s, it’s really cool. And it’s a cool place to be
and when you have something that you’re helping people do that
and you know, not to bring politics into it or anything but
I just I love the idea that it’s like we’re one of the…
our nation’s foundational principles, you know, the right to life, liberty
and the pursuit of happiness.
Your mission is right in there with it’s like, I’m helping people live that part of, you know,
the American dream of how do I pursue that happiness,
become that person? So it’s pretty cool.
Okay, so the next thing we talked about is The HERO’s Toolbelt.
And it’s very practical, right? Maybe it’s a big magical hammer like Thor,
or maybe it’s just a bulletproof vest, like our neighborhood police officers?
Or maybe you just really love how Evernote helps you organize your thoughts?
Or how you do keep slides and Keynote?
Do you have any tools that you use on a regular basis?
You know, notepads, cool software, apps, tools that you use to help you do
what it is that you do with your clients.
For me, I’m always learning, you know, I watched YouTube videos,
and they read and I just learn from colleagues and a community of coaches
that I’m involved with. And so there’s that learning and growth.
And because, you know, my brain is part of my tool.
And I also think about, like, my body and spirit.
And so it’s really like, you know, being self aware of, you know,
how am I taking care of myself, because I am that tool, you know,
people are relying on me to be my best.
And so I need to really, you know, continue to sharpen that knife
and make sure that I’m getting pressed.
I have that presence of mind and body and spirit
and that I’m just in the place that I need to be
to best hold space for others.
Really interesting point, because it ties right back in,
earlier, to the stuff we talked about with the the fatal flaw of
sometimes we’ll get so invested in someone else, right.
And I’ve noticed that a lot of achievers like high-achievers will do this,.
Where they’ll be so focused on either the result
or the thing that they’re doing, where the person that they’re helping,
that they forget that they have to be at their highest and best in order to do that.
So we’ll let our own self-care, you know,
fall by the wayside in order to achieve something.
And that’s a – it’s a wrong way to look at it.
And you have to start with how can I be the best version of myself?
So I can come in and help those people.
And that includes more than just your mind, it includes your body
and your health and your rest and things like that.
I know, rest is like a dirty word in the entrepreneur world.
And it shouldn’t be.
Why? It shouldn’t be! Because we know it’s like
maintaining oneself like we are the thing that
needs to perform at its best. So, you know, just like, if you have a factory
then you’re not going to let the equipment go by the wayside
and just be doing … No. You’re gonna make sure it has like,
enough lubrication and that you’re cleaning it
nd that you know, you’re updating,
and if it needs to be updated, like or, you know, upgraded. Yeah.
Right, and you have to have some sort of – you have to take care of yourself.
One of my buddies, he does writing and preaching and stuff like that.
And he talks about having an athletic hobby
because it allows you to play and rest, and take care of your body
and stuff like that. And I think that’s always a great idea.
And like, entrepreneurs, a lot of times you have to be given permission to go out
and actually like, you can take a day off!
You can take an afternoon off and go do something that’s just for you,
or just for you and your family or something like that.
And it can be a great benefit. So you know, here’s Lisha and us
giving you permission to go out and play.
I ask myself, how do I want to show up for my clients?
And so you know, those kinds of questions can really help to, you know,
get our mind going, or how do I want to show up for my children?
Like, what kind of a parent would I be? What do I want to be?
What kind of a coach do I want to be? And then looking at,
okay, then who do I need to be in order to comply with that?
You know, to meet that description?
Yeah. So just out of curiosity, what is your favorite thing to go do
and play with you know, with you, your kids, your husband, yourself?
Like, what what are some of the things that you do to relax and to have fun?
Um, well, we love to go like family outings and love getting out
and just go to like, Monterey, or Half Moon Bay or, you know,
go hang out with friends. And I find, like, just, I’m an extrovert.
So I get fired up by talking to other people.
And that’s what gives me energy and, you know, space just the other day,
like, you know, in the morning, I was kind of, like, you know, going along,
and then I took my kids to a birthday party, and they were having fun,
and, you know, I was chatting with either grownups and I came home,
and I felt like, recharged because I was, you know, getting that social exposure,
we were out and about, and, you know, seeing the kids enjoy,
there was kind of that big, vicarious pleasure that I got from that.
…do big things, as I know, for for me, we travel full time.
So, we travel the country, with the wife and kids
and like, we try to regularly get out
and do hiking and kayaking, and you know, swimming
and stuff like that, that’s sort of like the things that we really enjoy doing.
And then, like, going out and visiting the places we’re at going to the museums
and seeing places and, you know, eating the food
and one of the things I’ve really noticed over the last couple of years traveling is like,
a lot of the memories that are standing out is like,
good food and good conversations you have with people
that you’ve met in different places.
So, you know, finding ways to have the time to do that,
to take advantage of those things. And giving yourself permission to actually go out
and do it and realize that, you know, I could write, I could take, you know,
all the hours I have available in the day
and put them towards pursuing whatever goal I have.
But realize that, and it’s something that it’s taken a while to realize,
because I spent at least five years early in my business spending,
you know, doing the whole 12 to 18 hour work days,
and realized that when I cut it down to like,
now I work an average of four to six hours during a day.
And the rest of the time is spent playing and recharging
and doing and actually like living life,
I get more we’re done in the 46 hours I ever did on the 12 per day or 18.
It’s about the quality, not the quantity.
Yeah and there’s a whole wheel of life that I’ll do with them sometimes to
kind of look at each of these different, you know, areas like a pot, you know,
breaking into eight pieces. So there’s career, there’s money, there’s health
and wellness and you know, then smattering of others.
And so you know, look and I say like on a scale of one to 10 where you
and you know this slice, and you know each of the slices,
and then I have them connect each of the dots that they made.
And you really get this visual of like,
Oh gosh, you know, my life is rather bumpy or
Oh, my life is a well balanced wheel.
So having that visual snapshot of how I think,
I think you’d really enjoy my friend’s book.
It’s called The Whole Life. Author’s name is David Stein,
and he actually has an exercise in there that he calls
The Whole Life Wheel where he puts the things all on there
and he has you connect them and he talks about
how it’s like now if your life is a bicycle, and you’ve ignored your physical thing,
your wheel doesn’t turn, it bounces down the road
and if your life is rough, maybe that’s part of the reason why.
Yeah, very true. Yeah.
So I want to talk a little bit about your personal heroes.
So you know if you’re a fan of Hollywood, Frodo has Gandalf.
Luke had Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Robert Kiyosaki had his rich dad.
Who are some of your heroes?
Were they real-life mentors? Were they authors of books?
Were they speakers? Were they peers who were just a few years ahead of you?
And how important were they to what you’ve accomplished
and how you’ve gotten where you’ve gotten so far in your life and your business?
So it’s interesting. So speaking about, you know, the word “hero”,
and it’s almost like, you know, it’s putting someone on a pedestal that is,
you know, it’s almost seems like it’s not sustainable.
Because then, you know, it’s like, and heroes, like you said,
there’s their fatal flaws, and they can falter but I must, you know,
see it as like, you know, people who have inspired me who have lifted me up,
and those people have been family members were, you know,
I’ve seen qualities that I admire, and that inspired me to bring out
more of those qualities within myself. And I just, I look for inspiration,
whenever I’m out and about whenever I’m talking to people I know,
meaning what I can to, you know, than just internalize that,
and to further my growth and learning as a result, you know,
even in this conversation that I can see,
there’s inspiration that’s pulled from that.
And so it’s almost like that comes in and absorbing that.
And so, you know, I think everyone has like their heroic moments
and people who I really admire and inspire,
and I’m inspired by this more moments where their contributions to the world
that I take rather than kind of putting them on a pedestal.
Makes sense. So, last question, we ask on every interview is,
your guiding principles, right? So to bring it home for our listeners,
what are one or two top principles or actions that you put into practice every day,
that help you do what you do. And something that maybe you wish
you had learned when you started your path 14 years ago,
or whatever you said you started when you start getting into this coaching thing.
So something that I do each day is just practice being very present,
and kind of, you know, in certain moments take pauses throughout the day of just like,
thinking about, what are my feet doing? And just stopping?
Because so often, we’re like, go, go go
on to the next thing, what did we just do? What are we about to do,
and so that present state of mind in that pause is very nourishing,
and, you know, that helps me go forward with as my best self.
Also, gratitude is a huge one, especially when, you know,
maybe feeling irritated, then I can turn that irritation
that irritated energy into a softer energy by instead
thinking about what am I grateful for in this moment,
and really focusing on gratitude, focusing on you know,
the silver lining, people often say, in a culture so optimistic,
and, you know, you could like, look at the bright side of anything,
and I find that to be, you know, just so instrumental in living
a really happy fulfilling enjoyable life is to be able to look at the bright side,
because there are so many ways of looking at situations.
What’s the opportunity? What is there to be grateful for about this?
And what is the learning?
My business partner and I talked about the gratitude thing
as being aggressively optimistic…
And instead of being angry at them…
the response is “Oh, man, they’re probably rushing their wife to the hospital”
that kind of thing. And you know, they didn’t even realize they cut me off, right?
Like, it’s like, how can you, in your own mind, be aggressively optimistic
about the things that are going on in your life.
And it’s interesting what that does to your outlook on everyone and everything.
And when you can have that ability to be grateful.
There’s the compassion to like,
gosh, that person must be having a difficult time.
Maybe they need coaching, just kidding.
Maybe they need some help with what they’re doing. Yeah.
And the other one, the other thing you said, too is I think, super important,
and it’s learning how to be present in the now.
And it’s such, it’s such a hard thing, right?
Because now is fleeting. And we think the future is solid,
but the future also doesn’t exist.
But you can think about the destination where you’re going all the time,
and it never changes. But you know, the moment that you’re living in
is sort of like fluid and it moves and stuff like that.
So it’s hard to focus on but you have to realize that, like,
the now is all there is right? And realizing how you know,
how do you learn to put yourself
and just sort of enjoy the moment that you’re in.
As you transition towards whatever, you know,
wherever you’re going, whatever you’re doing.
It’s basically it’s kind of like that state of low. Hmm.
It’s one of the reasons too why you know, improv is something that’s
becoming more and more popular.
It is because it’s forcing people to be in the now
to just, you know, it’s when you’re in the now then it overrides the prefrontal cortex.
And so you’re over, you know, you’re going beyond that thinking,
analytical, managerial part of your brain,
and just allowing oneself to be present and in that flow state.
Yeah, absolutely. And it’s an interesting skill to start looking at it thinking of like,
How can I be here, right? And it goes down, it helps with everything to like,
when you’re, I assume, when you’re coaching with clients,
like the, you know, they say, when someone is listening to someone else,
they listened for an average of 17 seconds before they start planning the thing
that they’re going to say next. Right? And that’s the whole prefrontal cortex taking over.
But it’s how can you be present and listening to someone?
And how can you be present with your children
and present in the work that you’re doing,
instead of thinking about whatever the next thing is,
and the next problem or whatever problems,
the thing that you’re doing now is going to create?
And it’s like, we always try to live, even if it’s just a few moments into the future,
we’re always living in the future, instead of like,
let’s get this thing done and do this thing right here.
I mean, that’s simply like, let’s just sit and listen.
It can be just like, so freeing to have that experience because
in quiet, you know, a lot of the volume that can get really loud in the head.
Yeah. Yeah, I like to, I like to sit out in the morning, like in a, you know,
where the camera is, and just sort of listen to nature.
That’s a way that I can help sort of, like quiet everything else
and just sort of enjoy the now.
Right, it’s experience, rather than moving through life.
Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so last thing I do on the show, it’s not a question.
Well, sort of a question. I call it The Hero Challenge.
And The HERO Challenges is
do you know someone in your network that you think has a cool story
that would be useful to bring on to and sort of share their story with the world?
Question is, Who are they? And why do you think they would be a good fit to come on
and share their story on the show?
I just I get excited about so many people’s stories. I’m like, all the people…
I know… all the people.
Yeah, um, gosh.
No, I have to think about you know, like, who in particular,
but I feel grateful that question, you know, inspires gratitude
and like, people that are really amazing.
And, you know, even on Twitter, that is great,
because it’s given access to an even broader range of people and I, you know,
met some incredible people that way that I otherwise
wouldn’t have met and one such person actually comes to mind
for your show that I think would be great.
So I’m happy to share the information with you if you’d like
yeah, so what do you
Why do you think they should …
that person should come on
so it’s someone who has a really inspiring story of you know,
overcoming tremendous challenge and prevailing
and then using that experience to help further others in their lives
and you know, to really dedicate what they…
how they grew and learn from their experience to benefit the
furthering of others in their success and happiness
Cool. Well, we’ll connect afterwards
and get their name and information
and see what we can do to bring them on the show.
So the last thing I would like to do is make sure that people know
where they can find you if they’re looking for help
or coaching. So, two parts to that.
Who is a good fit, to our listeners, who are the kind of people who should reach out
and look for you and then second, where can they find you
if they are interested in reaching out and talking to you,
thank you for the opportunity to share
those that are just there in a place where they’re stuck
and they want to you know, be able to overcome whatever that stuckness is
and to move past it and to accelerate their success
in getting from where they are to where they want to be to bridging that gap.
Those also who feel like you know, I have it all yet something is missing
and wanting more out of life. And my website is CoachLisha.com
it’s L I S H A
and then on Twitter. My Twitter name is @coach_Lisha
and on Facebook, it’s Coach Lisha
awesome so they can find you at CoachLisha.com
and so if someone is looking for you know basically
getting out of that stuck place where like
I know there’s a place I want to get to and I don’t know quite what’s holding me back.
Obviously you’ve spent the last you know hour listening to us talking
Lisha has some really cool thoughts on this
and I know from someone who’s done coaching a lot myself
that you definitely have your finger on the pulse of like what really
helps people sort of unlock those things. So if you’re in that spot,
I would definitely recommend reaching out to Lisha
so it’s CoachLisha.com, or Coach_Lisha on Twitter or Coach Lisha on facebook
you have a preference on any one of those for where the best places to find you
whichever people prefer on Twitter I post every day at least once per day
and then Coach Lisha … when you scroll down, you can connect with me
and send me an email directly through the website and read more about me.
I have events posted …
Yeah, I am terrible at Twitter so I always tell people to reach out to me on facebook
cuz I’m much better at the Facebook than Twitter.
So anyways, thank you so much Lisha for coming on.
It’s been a joy talking to you and really getting to hear
some of your story and see what it is that you do
and how you help people. So thank you again for coming on the show.
You have any final thoughts you want to leave people with?
Um, I would say just you know,
really take time to appreciate how precious life is
and that there is only one chance in your life
and you owe it to yourself to make it one that you love and seek support.
Absolutely. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Really appreciate it.
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What Is The Hero Show?
A peak behind the masks of modern day super heroes. What makes them tick? What are their super powers? Their worst enemies? What's their kryptonite? And who are their personal heroes? Find out by listening now