Episode 080 Part 2 – Tommy Breedlove

Tommy Breedlove  0:00  

So I got to tell you this, Richard. First of all, and this is the truth, you are the exception, not the norm. So yours comes through intentionality, patience, and action. And you, we, all It doesn’t matter if you’re Warren Buffett or any great entrepreneur or just the person starting out. We all have the same 24 hours in the day.

 

Richard Matthews  0:25  

Absolutely. 

 

… 

 

So I want to move on a little bit and talk about the common enemy. So your common enemy is — I like to think about framing it like this for you. The clients that you work with, there is probably something that you run into on a regular basis. Like a mindset or something that you have to fight against. That if you could wave your magic wand over all your clients, the moment they hired you and if you could just get rid of that mindset, they would get better, faster results. What is that thing, one of the things you constantly have to fight against with the people you work with?

 

Tommy Breedlove  2:05  

So people always come to me to be a better business person, to be a better leader, and to make more money. 100% of them. This is no longer anecdotal. This is statistics and data because I’ve worked with so many people. 100% struggle with time — the management of time and feeling overwhelmed and busy. 100% of them are overwhelmed with stress and feel like their life is out of control. And here’s the big one. And this is going to go out there a little bit for an entrepreneurial show. 100% of them on some level struggle with the relationship with their significant other in one way. So I like the sayings “give them what they want, sell them what they want, give them what they need.” So they come in. “I want to make more money, my business is more profitable. I want to be a better leader. I want to be more powerful.” but all of them need help with managing their time and that helplessness of feeling so overwhelmed and busy, which comes with extreme stress and pressure. And the last one is how do they maintain intimate loving relationships with their significant others and their children or their family and friends. Because they are ambitious, overwhelmed, stressed and always seeking more and better. And so, those are the common enemies, brother. And it’s not 90% it’s not 95%. It’s 100%.

 

Richard Matthews  3:38  

I’m actually… The one that sticks out to me is the “How do you have a business that you push hard, really hard on and still have really great relationships?” It stands out as something because, for me, that’s been a focus of my life since I started in the business. So it’s something I feel like I have a strong suit there. And I just want to discuss it a little bit because I think it’s an interesting thing that not a lot of people who are in the entrepreneur space really spend a lot of time, to your point. They don’t talk about it, right? It’s because it’s not a business thing, it’s a relationship thing and it’s at home, right? And we feel like home is separate than at business or at work or whatever. 

 

Tommy Breedlove  4:20  

Which is nonsense, by the way. 

 

Richard Matthews  4:22  

Totally, I completely agree. Let me back up a little bit and tell you a little bit of my story. I started my first business at like, 13. I was buying candy wholesale and selling it retail it on campus, I took a $50 loan from my dad and paid him back. And you know … 

 

Tommy Breedlove  4:40  

I love stories.

 

Richard Matthews  4:42  

I had to buy inventory with it and realized that like after I paid him back and paid out the inventory, I had like no dollars and I was like, “I don’t understand. What happened?” Because I didn’t know what profit margin and revenue stuff were. I was like, “I made 100 bucks and I have nothing to show for it.” But I can tell you anyways, I learned that lesson. But when I graduated college and got married to my wife, one of the first things that I said is, “Hey, I want to be home at lunch every day for my kids as we can build a family together. And I was like, specifically lunch, because you know, there’s a lot of times dads are home for breakfast or dads are home for dinner or whatever. But not very often that, you know, kids get to have lunch with their dads every day, either for school or for other things. So it meant a couple of things to me. And one It meant that we were homeschooling our kids and two, it meant that I wanted to have the time freedom that I could be there all the time. And I’m proud to say now it’s where — 11 years into our relationship. I’ve got four kids, my oldest son is 10. And I have maybe missed five or six lunches because I was at a business event here or there over the course of 10 years. So he doesn’t know what it’s like to not have me there. And that has been a big thing for me. One of the things that have been interesting is over the last four or five years, I’ve probably doubled my business every year, which is really cool. And while being at home most of the time and being with my kids and doing all that. The thing for me that has really allowed me to do that is being able to compartmentalize and realize like the mistaken thinking I had early on in my career is that giving your all to something – giving 100% meant that you had nothing left over and that like you were literally 100% of your day. I saw a pie chart. Actually, it was graphic. It was like a meme. It was like, here’s your hard work. And the whole circle is hard work and that’s how you succeed and like I live my life like that early on. My life is like I will just wake up and work the whole day until I drop dead at night. And there was one point in college I’ve tried to go without sleep, to see if I could you know, not sleep and just work 100 percent of the time. I lasted about three days before I got sick, I realized that it wasn’t gonna work. But anyway, I thought that was the thing. And you realize instead that you have to break your time up into like, Okay, I’ve got to sleep and I’ve got to take care of myself. And I’ve got to put the time in with my wife and time with my kids and time in my business. But how does that equal? How can I give 100% attention to any of those things? Because, you know, my thinking was a hundred percent attention is like, you spend all of your time all 24 hours of your day doing that thing. That’s a that’s 100% attention. And I think a lot of entrepreneurs fall into some version of that kind of thinking, where they think I need to just dedicate all of me to this, in order to push it forward. And the shift in thinking for me was realizing that I need to have sets of time that all of my focus are on what’s at hand, right. So if you’re at home at lunch with your kids, that’s it. You’re just at home, having lunch with your kids, you’re 100% up there. And you know, the same thing when you’re at work or doing whatever it is you’re doing. It’s how can I get myself 100% to the task at hand? And realizing that to have massive growth in any area, all it takes is a little bit of progress every day. And that’s been, for me that’s been how I’ve been able to deliver and grow in those areas. I’m just curious about what your thoughts were on that and how you help people who are struggling in those areas?

 

Tommy Breedlove  8:31  

So I gotta tell you this, Richard. First of all, and this is the truth, you are the exception, not the norm. So yours comes through intentionality, patience, and action. And it doesn’t matter if you’re Warren Buffett or any great entrepreneur or just a person starting out. We all have the same 24 hours in the day. 

 

Richard Matthews  8:56  

Absolutely. 

 

Tommy Breedlove  8:57  

We absolutely — none of us are different. He doesn’t have more time than we do and vice versa. – It really is. And you just taught it. I mean, I don’t have to say anything else, but I’ll summarize what you just said. It comes with the management of your time. It comes with intentionality, and it comes with action. And the key. You said something powerful there that a lot of people I work with, struggle on. It is being 100% present when you’re at home, with your children or your wife, and not thinking about, “Oh, did I do this on this website? Or did I say this to this customer? Oh, I left this on the table.” So it comes with intentionality and it comes with practice. And I think setting boundaries around your time by blocking and making sure if you spent – and I’m gonna go back to what you said your superpower or what I call your zone of brilliance in the book… If you spend three to four hours in your zone of brilliance every day just on that and I’m talking about cut off the email, cut off the phone, no social media and you just spent four hours cranking in your God-given talents or your zone or your superpower, as you call it, you would be shocked at the exponential results in your business. And you can spend maybe a couple of three hours on the rest of the administration operations, management, financials, whatever it is that the other people are doing. So that’s one way, the intentionality. The second is the actions of it, right? And prioritization of rest and balance. Here’s the truth, though. If you truly want to build, I love the fact that you’ve doubled your business. But everything is a choice. I’m not really a balanced person, I’m really a priority person. And if you’re in startup mode, and you need to make, hey, maybe that’s where you need to prioritize right now. So that you can build a successful business and you communicate that openly and honestly and hopefully, maybe get your family to be a part of it. But there are times that we shift imbalanced and rebalance. But the key is, we also have to look at you seem really grounded and balanced. A lot of the people who are extremely ambitious, extremely driven, they’re getting their validation of “if” and “when”. Or just a little bit more and “when” never happens. And let’s say your goal is a million-dollar business and you get a million-dollar business, well, then you want a $10 million business. And so, there’s this, you have to… A, you have to enjoy the journey, and B, know that you’re never going to get wherever that is. We got to just let that go. And there is all this stuff out there. If we’re not here, or we’re not this or we don’t do that, then we’re not worthy. And I’m getting a little into the emotional stuff. That’s nonsense. It seems like you don’t struggle with that issue, that you have made it intentional to build a business and to live a life on the road. And I’m going to be intentional about my family, and I’m going to be the same person at home that I am at work. So many others struggle with that. And there are systems and tools. And with great coaching or just great mentoring, you can implement it in your life and balance and rebalance, depending on your priorities. But you cannot say, your family and your health or your priorities when you put them forth. And so that’s the truth. That’s the truth. 

 

Richard Matthews  12:33  

It was just a realization of mine, like along the way. For me, I had, like, I had goals. Revenue goals, right? I’m gonna hit $100,000 in business, you know, a year or whatever. And it’s like, on the way to that goal, whatever my first goal was – my big one. I realized I had all the money I needed to do what I wanted to do. And it suddenly didn’t matter as much anymore. They’re looking at other things. So part of that was just understanding what I wanted. But the thing you mentioned there was the whole work-life balance. I have a metaphor that I use in my own life that I tell people this all the time is, we seem to think as a culture that work-life balance is one of those legal scales. And you’re supposed to match up and that it’ll even out and sometimes you’ll have work over here and sometimes, you know, whatever. And I’ve always hated that metaphor for work-life balance because I think it’s, you know, to put it politely it’s bullcrap.

 

Tommy Breedlove  13:36  

Hundred percent, you’re right.

 

Richard Matthews  13:39  

So the metaphor I’ve always used is the metaphor of a rubber band. Right? And a rubber band is, you know, in its natural state, it’s loose. And it sits there it doesn’t do much. It doesn’t move forward. But you can stretch it and you can pull it and you can pull it really hard actually. And the harder you pull it, the farther it will go when you let go. On the rubber band, if you pull it too hard, it’ll break. And it doesn’t go anywhere. So, our work-life balance is sometimes you just mentioned startup mode, sometimes you’re gonna push really, really hard, you’re gonna stretch really, really far. But what that lets you do is it lets you rocket forward. When you can put in a lot of effort and a lot of things to push forward. But after you’ve done that, the default state of the rubber band goes back to rest, right? You need to have those periods of stretching and periods where you’re not as much and I’ve liked that metaphor a lot better for understanding that what work-life balance really looks like. And you know, everyone knows if you just continue to pull a rubber band and you never let it go back to normal it’ll snap. And the same thing will happen in your life.

 

Tommy Breedlove  14:55  

Your health, your marriage, your life, your business. Yeah, I mean you get way out of balance. It’s not if life’s gonna punch you in the face, it’s when-

 

Richard Matthews  15:07  

It won’t be pretty.

 

Tommy Breedlove  15:08  

No.

 

No, that’s why I wish people whether they’re coming to join a mastermind or they’re usually definitely a one on one coaching. I wish they would come to me in more of a proactive state and not a reactive state. When they don’t come to me with a bullet hole wound to repair in their marriage. Just come with a scratch. Come with some scratches and let’s get you like rocking and rolling before you get to the trauma table.

 

Richard Matthews  15:39  

That’s actually what I mentioned. Before we get on this thing. I’m working with the concierge doctor who’s like – that’s one of the things he loves about working with because he works with people who are like sick and dying and like helps them get back to health. And then he works with the high-performance entrepreneurs who are looking to get better. And he was like, they’re such different markets. He’s like, because someone who’s coming to me and saying, Hey, I’m good. I want to be better than someone who is like I’m on my deathbed. I don’t want to die.

 

Tommy Breedlove  16:08  

I didn’t realize that the 15 Krispy Kreme Doughnuts for the last 45 years was not good for me.

 

Richard Matthews  16:16  

I got a GSW here and I gotta get fixed. 

 

Tommy Breedlove  16:20  

Indeed. I love it, man. What a great bit. It sounds like your intentionality is what I think a lot of people are seeking. Yeah, and you know, there are choices and compromises and priorities. And that’s really what it’s all about.

 

Richard Matthews  16:36  

Yeah. And I like to think I lucked into some of that. Because of parents and mentors that I grew up with. Who really put me on a solid foundation…

 

Tommy Breedlove  16:49  

What a gift.

 

Richard Matthews  16:50  

…for where I want to go and where I want to be. Part of it too is just really — they say you should know your “why”. Know what you want, right? And really knowing what I wanted. And being able to separate that from, you know, monies and money and trappings of success and that kind of stuff. And realize it was like, “Hey, I know exactly what it is that I want in my business.” And once you sort of hit those things, and you have those for you, then it’s realizing that like, how do I start getting into the next level of like, how do I leave a legacy or become legendary as your book talks about it? Like the next level?

 

Tommy Breedlove  17:30  

And you don’t have to be rich, famous or powerful to be legendary. No one’s going to read our resume when we die. They’re not going to say what house we bought or how important we were. They’re going to talk about how we made them feel and what impact we made and how we left this beautiful world maybe a lot better than we found it. They’re gonna tell stories. And to me, that’s what building and all that. Money is important and success is important and you and I like building businesses and we like making money. I mean that we love it. But it doesn’t define us. And we acknowledge the importance. We acknowledge the desire. We acknowledge that. But we also want to leave something bigger than us and we want to make an impact on our lives and our families. Our friends are, you know, it’s just a beautiful thing if you really step back and look at it holistically.

 

Richard Matthews  18:17  

So, interesting thought that I had recently on that was in the entrepreneur space, particularly the — let me restrict a little bit more than that. The entrepreneurs who do speaking, consulting, podcasting, that kind of stuff. That kind of stuff that we’re in to. That space of entrepreneurship has with it a bit of fame. Right? Yes. And the people who are in this bubble of entrepreneurship, we look at things, like, what’s his name Gary Vaynerchuk, or Grant Cardone or other things. And we’re like, “Look, there’s fame.” And we think that fame is an essential part of successful business and realize one of the things —  one of the things that I try to point out on this show, and we have guests from all over the spectrum before this reason. The overwhelming majority of entrepreneurs, fame doesn’t even enter into the equation. Right? I have one of the guys that is a big business leader in my hometown where I grew up and went to high school and that kind of stuff. He runs the BMW dealership. And, he runs the BMW dealership. And like today, he’s got the BMW dealership and the Mercedes dealership and the VW dealership and the guy makes like 20 million a month. But I guarantee you, that you’ve never heard his name. No one’s heard his name. Like, unless you live in that town. You don’t know who he is, right? Because there’s no fame associated with running a successful business. Right? I had another client of mine that his father was the guy who did underwater tiles for hotels, right? So if they have water features, they have to have someone who does the tile work for water features because it’s different than normal tile work. He’s the guy in the country that like if you’re gonna do a water feature, you hire this guy to do underwater tiles. But like, if you’re not building an underwater water feature for hotels, you don’t know his name. Nobody knows his name. There’s no fame associated with it. And he’s a multimillionaire, that kind of stuff where it’s like, it’s an interesting thing that we struggle with. I don’t know what to call it, the people who want to be entrepreneurs, or who are trying to build businesses and are learning from people like us, who are learning and reading books and building their business stuff like that. They’re like, I see these people have some sort of fame and I have a business therefore, fame must be required part of the business. So anyway, I find it interesting.

 

Tommy Breedlove  20:44  

It’s actually not just interesting. It’s an epidemic in our young people. And as part of my practice, parents hire me to work with their adolescent children and sometimes college-aged children and even in our 20s, especially 20 year-olds in the Entrepreneurs space. They’re seeing the Grant Cardones. They’re seeing the Gary V’s and the Gary Vee and the Brendon Burchard. And those are ethical, whether you like them or not. They’re doing great things and making a great impact. And part of their desire was to be famous. But we’ve got to watch within the social media world right now. Everybody puts their best self on Instagram and Facebook. Everybody wants to see themselves getting out of the fancy car and blah, blah, blah. We have to be careful that wanting to be famous for fame’s sake, usually comes with compromising a lot of different things. And so like you said, there is literally thousands and thousands. It’s so funny, one of the wealthiest people I know also owns a bunch of dealerships. And I think he’s at that $20-$25 million a month. You’d never know in the world who this dude is, and he wants it that way. But he also makes a significant impact in the lives of his employees, his customers, and I know he’s one of the most giving and caring people I’ve ever met and he does not care one iota of being famous, like zero. And so we’ve got to be careful, like, fame is vanity, and vanity is delicious, you know. See me. Hear me. Love me. I’m important. You are important, but you don’t have to, you know. The whole world doesn’t have to know you’re important. And that to me is such a powerful thing. But we’ve got to educate our younger folks that not everybody is Beyonce, not everybody’s LeBron James, not everybody’s Warren Buffett. But there are a lot of people that you don’t know, who are very happy, successful, and fulfilled people. And I think that’s an important lesson we need to tell everybody and that’s why I say right off the bat to become a legend. When I talk about it in Legendary, the book. Legends are everywhere. And if you don’t have to be — you know, there are also really bad ones too, just remember that. You know, we remember those folks. But, working with a purpose. Working with purpose and constantly taking action to build toward financial freedom for yourself — whatever that looks like for you. But also doing it from a place of impact, from a place of unconditional love, from a place of building friendships and relationships and having a little fun for God’s sake. All of that stuff is what life is made of. And one of the people that I feature in the book real quick is, he was a terrible businessman. Terrible. He’s my coach’s father, by the way. And I’ll never forget the story of my coach telling me this. He said when he passed away, he said he literally waited for hours watching the people come to him for hours in that line. And this is a small town in Tennessee. For four hours, people lined up to tell him and his siblings how he was the first to show up when they needed him, how he served them, and how he made their lives better. What more of a legend could there be in the life of an unknown failed business guy that he’s spoken to everyone? He served and have spoken to every single human being that he met. To me that is living, my brother. That’s living.

 

Richard Matthews  24:15  

My grandmother was like that. And she passed away about seven years ago now. And I wrote her eulogy. I wrote and gave her eulogy. And got up to do that. And it was really humbling because I get up to her funeral. And there were more than 750 people there. I don’t even think I know 750 people.

 

Tommy Breedlove  24:44  

…

 

She was a legendary, man. She was.

 

Richard Matthews  24:46  

She was amazing. She was the kind of person that I can only hope and dream to become like. But you know, I got up and all I did was tell some stories of how she impacted my life. That’s, you know, what I did for her eulogy. And you know, at the end of the funeral, you go back. If you’re the one who’s speaking, you go back and you shake hands with everyone. So I spent like two hours, every single person come by to shake my hand. And it was really, really humbling to have someone like her. And like, just to see the impact she had on so many people’s lives. And to just see how it was so different because like, they all were like, thank you so much for telling your story because, you know, she’s only had two grandsons, right? So there’s not a lot of people who had the perspective of her that I had. So, you know, I got a lot of, of, thank you so much for that kind of thing. And it was really powerful to me to see that she had become a legend right now, and still is to this day.

 

Tommy Breedlove  25:51  

I know what you’re saying. It’s a beautiful thing. Again, you’re not taking any of it at all with you on your way to the afterlife. You’re not bringing any of your stuff with you. It all about, do you leave this world better than you found it? And do it on your terms, in your way with purpose and with impact and she checked all those boxes.

 

Richard Matthews  26:16  

It was wonderful. You said something a couple of seconds ago that I want to dig in a little bit on just because I think it’s really important. You said that you have fun. And one of the things that I was… a similar thing that I think entrepreneurs struggle with is we think that fun is a reward for work well done. And if you look back at that whole hard work circle. You know, fill the whole pile of hard work, you don’t have time left over for fun. I did that for a number of years and I realized that you burn yourself out and when I’ve realized that recreation is not a reward for work well done. They are requirements for doing good work. And so, they’re foundational. It’s not rewarding if that makes sense. If you are well-rested and you know how to play and you know how to do those things, you can come to your work much more creative and get better stuff done and have a bigger impact and write a better legend for yourself.

 

Tommy Breedlove  27:19  

Totally. And I just read this, like, I have these daily reads that I do and I just read Leonardo da Vinci is arguably one of the smartest, most driven architect, painter, inventor entrepreneur that maybe ever lived. And when he got overwhelmed or stressed, he would literally walk away and just go do fun. He would take time for recreation, fun, and rest. And he said when he would go away and then come back, that his work was 20 to 100 x better because he rested, had fun, walked away from it, and went to recreation. And if it’s good enough for Leonardo da Vinci, who’s arguably done more for the modern-day world than anyone else, it is good for us. Right?

 

Richard Matthews  28:11  

Absolutely. I know one of the things that really surprised me was when we got on the road two and a half years ago to travel – my wife and I and our kids. I was worried about growing my business in that kind of environment. And then, fast forward 12 months in. I had quadrupled my business that year, from beginning to end, which was in a number of ways. So like revenue, number of clients, number of staff, like all of it. It was like four times bigger at the end of the year than it was at the beginning. And so one of the things that I was thinking about is like, why did that happen? And part of it is because of how much of my time was spent recreating. And how important it became to focus on the work when I had work, right? Because if you’re parked outside of Yosemite and you’re like, “I can’t go to slide off the waterfalls with my kids until my work is done. You get really good at getting your work done and getting only the important things done. Right? And then, moving forward. Because you know, when I was at a — we call it sticks and bricks on the road, right? That’s what travelers call it. When you’re in a sticks and bricks house and working from your office there, it doesn’t matter what you get done, or how long it takes you to get it done. Because your routine is there. Like it’s always gonna be the same next week, and the week after that. Just being in a place where you don’t have any sort of like — you can’t put yourself in a rut because you’re constantly moving and changing your environment. It was really interesting how powerful that was for pushing my business forward. And one of the things I’ve been trying to figure out is like, how do you distill that for someone who doesn’t have the opportunity to travel like I’m doing? How do you get that kind of benefit? And part of it is just realizing that you should figure out ways to integrate play and recreation into your life.

 

Tommy Breedlove  30:12  

Let me tell you. Can I share my story on pre-transformation? I was probably working 70 to 90 hours a week. No joke. No joke in there. Post transformation I maybe worked 35. And this is at a firm who had a billable hours requirement and I was a junior partner at the time. I literally went from 70 to 90 to 30 to 35 overnight. And I prioritize first investment in myself, emotionally, mentally, physically and just making me the best. I prioritize that every morning for an hour to two every morning. I’m not kidding. I still do that to this day. I would work 30 to 35 hours but I was very, very focused when I was working. I started empowering my people. I started only concentrating on my zone of brilliance. And then I would go home and I would leave it in and I would go rest and play at night and I never worked a weekend again. It drove my partner’s maddening. However, we beat UPS for the global service provider. In my life, I went from junior partner to senior partner to equity partner to international practice later to getting elected to the Board of Directors working half of what I used to. It was just super focused. I prioritized the investment in myself. I prioritize rest, I prioritize our people, I prioritize my fun and travel. And so, my income almost went up five times. Our firm was winning the award I went from the most hated to the most beloved. My marriage was on the shambles it went to best it has ever been. My network went up 50x. You just heard two stories of two different people. And if it’s good enough for the people on this call, or this podcast, it’s good enough for Leonardo da Vinci. Rest has to be a priority. Fun and recreation have to be a priority. Otherwise, why do we live in this life? It’s not because we weren’t thinking about when we get there, well, we’re never gonna get there, wherever there is. So let’s enjoy now. And so I’m total with that. I 100 experienced that. And when I was working for a big, big firm, and I 100% experienced that. But I’m in the season right now, because we’ve had so much success with this book and other things. We’re in the building. And me and my team, we made the decision and my wife and my family. We’re in building mode. We’re going to prioritize this first, but we’re still going to have some fun and rest along the way. And we’ve got some benchmarks to check that through. And we’re stretching the rubber band, but it’s funny. One of our people the other day goes, “Well, I guess we just write about rest. We don’t actually do it.” And I was like, wow, I hear that. So we heard it. So we gave her Thursday and Friday off, we sent her to get a massage. I said take Thursday through Sunday off. We know we’ve been burning it at both ends, building this movement, building these retreats, building these masterminds building this speaking, take Thursday through Sunday, get a massage. The plate’s on us, she came back a totally different person. And so we have to check ourselves to make sure that we’re practicing what we preach as well. But we’re in the season of “go” right now. And it comes and goes, but if you walk away from it, and come back to it, you’ll do it 10 times better more often than not.

 

Richard Matthews  33:35  

Yeah. And what’s interesting, though, is that on the same token, it also goes back to time management because you have to be good at time management if you’re going to work that way. If you’re going to integrate because you’re not putting as much time into it. So for me, that has been like learning how to block my calendar. I live and die by my Calendar. Just this last week, I discovered a tool that let me take my stuff from my project management system and drag it over and drop it on my calendar. So I could be like, “Hey, this task on my calendar on top of my appointments like these interviews and stuff like that. Because if it’s not on my calendar, it doesn’t get done. So, yeah, and realizing how important that is for entrepreneurs. And if you realize, like, when you sort of take all these things together, like if you are resting and recreating, and you are blocking and taking care of your calendar, and you realize that you’re working in your zone of genius, you can accomplish more in four hours a day than other people do working 70 or 80 or 90 or 100 hours a week. And, you know, it’s how you grow a big business.

 

Tommy Breedlove  34:47  

And 1,000,000% agree with that from A to Z. I’ve experienced both sides of that coin. I experienced it in my practice now. 100%, you’re absolutely correct. So you can be a time management guru like me.

 

Richard Matthews  35:01  

If only I was good at it for other people. It’s not my thing. So, I’m gonna skip a couple of questions just because we spent a lot of time on some of that which is really good stuff. I want to go to talk about your own personal heroes. So Frodo had Gandalf. Luke had Obi-Wan. Robert Kiyosaki had his rich dad. Who were some of your heroes in your life? Are they real-life mentors? Were they speakers or authors, maybe peers who were a couple of years ahead of you? And how important were they to what you’ve accomplished in your — multiple times overcoming some pretty big obstacles and getting where you are now?

 

Tommy Breedlove  35:41  

So, I didn’t have much in the way of male mentorship as a young man. And so my first male mentor appeared in a weird place. It appeared in jail. And he was a very large, very built 45-year-old African-American gentleman. And why it’s important to say an African-American gentleman is because in jail, it’s clique-ish, and it’s usually clique-ish on racial lines. And for that man to step over the racial lines and to see something in an 18-year-old kid who is at his bottom, who had no self-belief or self-confidence or self-respect and didn’t love himself. For him to respect, love, mentor, and basically, he said these words to me right off the bat, because he had been in and out of the system his whole life… “Because I see something in you and I’m not letting this revolving door of a system bring you back in.” And so, he was the first hero and mentor that really appeared in my life that’s just had a profound impact on me. The heroes and mentors that I have now, a lot of them don’t even know. They know me, and they’re through like, Brené Brown is a hero of mine and I cannot wait one day. She’s a great author, great speaker, vulnerability expert. And that’s just exploded. And so, I’m really looking forward to just giving her a big hug. I feel like every word that she writes is written toward me. And it’s not like … quit writing these books toward me, you know. And so, you know, Alexander Hamilton is a hero of mine, from what he overcame to where he became. And so, the list of heroes and mentors, it’s so funny — I have to say this because this is actually a true story. The publishing house and the consultants for this book, they’re like… “Look, your acknowledgments are going to be longer than the book itself and we cannot allow that.” And so it’s amazing to me that so many heroes in you know… When I turned from fear and scarcity to not get enough to just trying to outwork in order to get to a place, a love, rest, gratitude, abundance and believing. Self-belief. The people that have just appeared in my life to help, support, love, and mentor. So, my heroes, I guess the biggest hero in my life would be my wife. And I’m not trying to be cliche there. Because she’s always loved, supported, and respected me and stood next to me through thick and thin. She has been the biggest affirmer — an oak tree. So I’m gonna give her the biggest love but a lot of my mentors and heroes just don’t even know who I am. And it’s the people who put their art and craft out into the world. To help serve others to make them better whether it’s a piece of music, a business, a book, and so, I like watching craftsmen do their craft. I like watching world-class people to be world-class and watching their processes and systems. You’re a process and systems guy. To see how they live and do their lives so that we can be better. I could spend 16 hours giving you a list of names. They know who they are, but heroes are everywhere in my life. 

 

Richard Matthews  38:59  

What’s interesting to me is the reason I asked this question which I don’t think I’ve ever talked about why I asked this question on the show before. But the reason I asked this question, and it’s been confirmed over 80 interviews now that people who get to a point of success in their life or in their business, have had mentors of some sort, right? They’ve had heroes, they’ve had mentors, and a lot of times, you end up with two different kinds. You have the ones that sought you out and saw something in you. And you have the ones that you sought out because you knew you needed them. Right. 

 

And what’s interesting to me is how incredibly common that is for people who have success. They’ve had both of those in their lives. They’ve had someone or multiple someones who have said, “There’s something about you that I need to help engender and encourage. Right. So the important takeaway for that is, if you’re at a place where you can encourage and do something, you may never know the impact you can have on someone if you step up to mentor them. And then, the second part of that is realizing that you have to seek out and find people who are going to help push you forward and everything. I think that it’s just so important for people who are in this — trying to build and live their best lives and, you know, become legendary, as you’re saying.

 

Tommy Breedlove  40:15  

I couldn’t agree more. And so, this isn’t our words on this podcast, all of the guiding spiritual traditions talk about that. It’s the golden rule. If you want to be mentored, go, mentor, like, speak into someone’s life, serve them whatever they need, whether it’s professionally or personally, right? Speak into that life, and it will come back to you tenfold. It will 100%. The same thing with money, give money, you will receive money. And it’s the absolute truth. And then you said it, and we both said it multiple times. It is to ask for help. Don’t be so bold or prideful or insecure. Seek out help. Mentorship can come through a book. It could come through a documentary. But the best kind is one on one through conversations, relationship, friendship, mentorship, and love. And don’t be scared to reach out. Ask for help and support and you’ll be shocked at how people will surround you and lift you up. And it’s not a cliche. I think cliches are amazing because they’re mostly true. We are the five people we surround ourselves with. And if we’re around people who love with abundance and want to make an impact, that’s what’s gonna happen to us. You can’t help but to just be lifted up. So I’m 1,000,000%, in agreement with everything you just said.

 

Richard Matthews  41:39  

Absolutely. So I want to bring it home to our listeners and talk about your guiding principles. So what are the top one or two principles or actions that you put into place every day that you think contribute to the success and influence that you have enjoyed over your entrepreneurial journey?

 

Tommy Breedlove  41:57  

I think you have to show up.

 

I think you have to honor your commitments in your word. And if you say you’re going to do something, do it. Within the past year and a half, I have one major example. I didn’t do that. And I’m still beating myself up for it. So I’m not perfect at it. But I think honoring your word and showing up. And I think showing up is half the battle. We have two family mantras. First is we show up, and we honor our commitments. The second one is to protect and defend this fort. And so we have to protect and defend our home.

 

Richard Matthews  42:31  

…

 

Tommy Breedlove  42:32  

Yeah. So those are our family mantras. But I think from a success standpoint, it is showing up. It is nine-tenths of the battle. And I think the second guiding principle for us is to be the same person in our work that we are at home. And we’re not different. We’re not going to be something different to our clients, our vendors, on this podcast. I don’t want to come in here and try to throw some doubt or some goodness and hope you dig it and then go home and be complete, you know, not so nice person to our friends and family and our significant others. So, I think that’s our guiding principle. Not take ourselves too seriously. When we show up, and we honor our commitments, and we do the work and I think being the same person in our personal lives and in our professional lives is just something that — it’s a place of integrity. And I would say if I had to say one final thing is and this has been evident in my life, it’s just don’t give up. Sometimes, starting is one thing, but finishings another. When the obstacles keep showing up each and every day. Again, showing up. But you know, continue taking action, especially when things get tough. Those have been some guiding principles and forces. So, yeah,

 

Richard Matthews  43:53  

Yeah. The showing up one is really hard right? But it’s not when you get started. But when you’re going and you run into obstacles to show up and realize that I have to be here I have to overcome this obstacle. So like, just like, bring it all the way down out of the entrepreneur world down into like, basic thing. So you know, I mentioned, we’re traveling, right? So we’re in an RV. And one of the things that happen in the RV is you break things all the time. And when things break, you have to get it fixed in order for you to continue down the road. And in order for you to move on and do the next thing. And so one of the things that I found really interesting is — to the point of showing up — is like, if something’s broken, and you don’t want to fix it… if you don’t fix it now, right? If I wait 10 minutes or wait two hours or wait, you know, however long it is to wait to fix the thing. It’s impeding your progress forward. So one of the things that I sort of like… a life lesson I’ve learned from traveling, is that when you’re stuck with a roadblock, you show up and you fix it now, right? It doesn’t matter how painful or disgusting or gross —especially when it’s your toilet that’s backed up three times this week because something’s going wrong with it. Right? You just get it taken care of, and you move forward. Because showing up is, for me, the thing that the picture is in my head is — showing up means do it now. Right? Take care of it, get it done. Get it whatever the thing is that’s holding you back. Take care of it because it’s that skill set, that muscle of like, doesn’t matter how hard this is or how much work it’s going to be. I just need to get it done so I can move forward. Stretch the rubber band so to speak. And it’s such a powerful muscle to exercise.

 

Tommy Breedlove  45:59  

We say… and I think that was beautiful. And here’s something we say as well— kind of add to it— is participating in your own rescue. And whether it’s in business or in life. If you’re not happy, if you’re not fulfilled, not happy, or you feel like something’s off in your life, go find the closest mirror and look at it because that’s your problem. It’s not society or anyone else’s fault. You’ve got to look in the mirror, and you’ve got to choose to show up and participate in your rescue and like you said, fix it. So if your mental state is off, your emotional state is off, you’re angry or judgmental, you’re fearful, you’re scared, or you’ve got a problem in your business. Look in the mirror, say “I’m going to participate in my own rescue.” And make the choice to fix it. And so, it’s all just that. The only power we have is our mindset and choices. Our mindset and choices. That is it. Everything else is out of our control. We can influence we can inspire we can lead But our mindset and our choices is the only thing in our control. So we must choose to participate in our own rescue. Show up, and fix it.

 

Richard Matthews  47:07  

So just a random question. Do you have any children? Or no children?

 

Tommy Breedlove  47:11  

I have two dogs.

 

Richard Matthews  47:13  

I have a story that relates but it’ll resonate more with people who have had children who are listening. I have a two-year-old, a three-year-old now. She’s three. And anyone who’s had toddlers before knows that they are simultaneous — the best thing that’s probably ever happened to the planet is toddlers. But they’re also like the worst.

 

Like the actual worst. And I have the patience for days with everyone in my life, except my toddlers. And for whatever reason, they can piss me off beyond all reasonable … like I don’t get it. I don’t know why they have that kind of power, but they do. Occasionally your toddler will piss you off to the point where you overreact, right? You yell at them, you spank them away. They didn’t deserve it or you just overreacted. You shouldn’t have done it. And you know, that’s happened to me more than one occasion. Especially with four children, right? 

 

Tommy Breedlove  48:16  

Yeah. 

 

Richard Matthews  48:17  

You don’t react the way that you know you should have. A couple of things I think really tie this together. One. Having a, you know — in my case, my wife who will call you out and be like, “Hey, you’re overreacting. You need to go apologies to your child.” And realizing like in that situation, sometimes you’re mad, you’re like, “I don’t want to. I’m pissed off at her right now. I don’t want to talk to her.” But realizing you’re like, I have to swallow that. And just — I just have to go over and pick her up and give her a hug and be like, “You know what? I overreacted. And I’m sorry. And like it doesn’t excuse your behavior, but it also doesn’t excuse mine. Right.” That kind of thing. You have to show up. Because of the problem — if you want to make it better, in anything, right? In relationships with your kids or your spouse or your business, your employee… It’s you. You’re the one that has to take responsibility. Show up and fix it so you can move forward.

 

Tommy Breedlove  49:15  

So powerful. Responsibility. Courage. There was a lot of courage in that. A lot of accountability in that. A lot of humility in that and a lot of love and forgiveness in that. And those are very woo-woo terms for entrepreneurs and businesses. But if you apply everything you just said in that life lesson to entrepreneurship, you will be happy and successful beyond measure.

 

Richard Matthews  49:38  

Yeah, the same thing with your employees, right? When you get it, treat them the same way and realize that, you know, if it’s not your fault, and you can’t fix it. Treat it all like it’s all your fault. And certainly, you can move forward and fix it. So, I think that basically covers it for our interview. I got one last thing I do on the show every time. It’s really simple. I call it The Hero Challenge. And The Hero Challenge is basically this. Do you have someone in your life or in your network that you think has a cool entrepreneurial story? Who are they? first names are fine, and why do you think they should come to share their story here on our show?

 

Tommy Breedlove  50:17  

Mine would be Chris Tuff. He’s known as The Millennial Whisperer. He’s just one of the most inspiring and amazing men that I’ve ever met in my life. I met Chris at one of his lowest of lows. And he said to me around the campfire one time — I was running this men’s retreat and he didn’t know what was about to hit him. I was facilitating this executive men’s retreat up in the North Georgia mountains and you know, he had just been through a rough patch. His marriage was a little questionable. It wasn’t happy, he didn’t have friends. He’s a big advertising executive he owned — for some reason I work with a lot of advertising execs — strange. But anyway, he says that at work, what lights him up is “I’m kind of like The Millennial Whisperer. Like, I know how to lead, inspire, and motivate millennials.” And I was like, and at the time, the number one question I got asked by corporations is how do I lead, inspire, and motivate? So I looked at him, I said, “Brother, you’ve got to write this book.” And he goes, “I don’t write books. What book?” I was like, “You got to write The Millennial Whisper.” It’s the number one thing. It will crush it in the marketplace. And it has actually made an impact. And by the way, you’ll love it. So what would be more impactful than that? So in Chris Tuff’s fashion, he literally started working with me on a one-on-one basis, but he also wrote the book. And now, he’s created this and he’s like working with Nike around the world. And he literally wrote this book. It became a best seller. He fixed his marriage. He literally… all he does is serve, serve, serve. He’s the most giving person I’ve ever met and every moment of every day that he speaks, he literally is trying to make an impact. He’s not trying… I hate the word try. He’s making an impact not only in corporations by leading, inspiring, motivating, and empowering millennials, but he’s done it through his network. He’s done it through service, his marriage is the best it’s ever been. So he’s one of the most inspiring. And he’s no longer a client. He’s become one of my best friends if not my best friend. And so that’s a beautiful story for both of us watching: A, the work that I do impact his life and watch him touch literally thousands of lives of other people, and B, how much he’s spoken back into my life. It’s amazing how the mentor becomes the mentee. And so, just the friendship and beauty that’s come out of this relationship. I would put him probably at number one.

 

Richard Matthews  52:47  

Awesome. Well, reach out afterward if we can connect and get him on the show. I’ll get him on the show.

 

Tommy Breedlove  52:53  

Absolutely.

 

…pick up and take.

 

Richard Matthews  52:59  

So basically… Thank you so much for coming on the show, Tommy. It’s been incredible talking with you today. My last question for you is really easy. Where can people find you if they want to either pick up your book “Legendary.” or they want to, find out about your speaking opportunities or if they maybe want to hire you for one-on-one coaching. Where can they find you for that stuff? And then more importantly, who is the right type of person to reach out?

 

Tommy Breedlove  53:23  

Okay, so I’ll answer the first question. To find the book. It’s everywhere. So it’s in Amazon.com, Barnes, and Noble. It’s about to be in all your airports. If it’s not already in your store, it will be in your store soon. So the book is everywhere. We’re just super proud that it’s become a national bestseller. So that one’s easy to find. If you’re interested in joining a mastermind or hiring me to speak or you’re really interested in one-on-one coaching, you can go to TommyBreedlove.com 

 

And there’s a whole slew of ways to find me there and it’s right on the front, right when you get there. There are ways to reach out to schedule a 15-minute conversation with me or a member of my team. So, pretty, pretty happy with that. And if you’re interested in like… There’s something that I always offer. I’ve got this one-page document called “A Legendary Life Plan”. It’s literally how I live my life. And so, I give you that one-page plan along with my one-page, “How Do You Find Your Purpose?” And so, if you go to my website, you can download those. Those are free. And I’ll give you mine and then how to do it and then you go build one on your own. So it’s really cool. The right people for me is ambitious, driven people who are wanting to make more impact in their business and their relationship. Overcome, you know, they’re out of place. I’m one who believes that all great coaches need coaches. I’m a coach with a coach in a mastermind. So anyone that’s wanting to take their life, their relationship, their mindset, their business, just to the next level, and be the best person of their selves so that they can build and live a legendary life. And lead a life of significance and impact without compromising their ambition or their financial success. Those are the people I’m looking for – the people who just want to sharpen. I’m not looking to change a human being I’m just looking to make them the best possible version they can be and also like, helping people who look up in the stars and like, why am I here? Where am I going? Am I in the right spot? Those are my favorite. Just helping them find that place and their purpose in life. So that’s my absolute favorite.

 

Richard Matthews  55:28  

So you heard him. Definitely get a chance to pick up the book “Legendary”. It’s basically everywhere and if you’re looking to take your life to the next level, reach out to Tommy. And see what he can do for you. One last question, just personally. Is Legendary on audiobook yet? Because that’s how I get most of my books consumed lately – in audiobook.

 

Tommy Breedlove  55:51  

So, it has been completely recorded by yours truly. And with the professional audio team. So there’s one bottleneck, it’s the editing. And it’s the person speaking in the microphone now. So we’re in final editing. Alright, so here’s some accountability and goals. My goal is to have all of the editing done by Sunday of this week. So when this podcast comes out, it’ll be long done. And you know, there is a process that audiobook or audible books go through, but it will be the latest, late March. But our goal is mid-March. The audible book will be in March 2020. Whenever you’re listening…

 

Richard Matthews  56:31  

we’re about five weeks ahead on our podcast episode. So if you’re hearing me out,

 

…it should be out! 

 

So you should be able to get the audiobook as well. 

 

Tommy Breedlove  56:39  

If it’s not, send me an email to tommy@tommybreedlove.com and say “I’m holding you accountable because you did not get it done”.

 

Richard Matthews  56:46  

“Where is the audiobook? I need it.” Awesome. We’ll definitely — when that time comes we’ll find the link and make sure it’s in the show as well. 

 

Tommy Breedlove  56:55  

Awesome.

 

Richard Matthews  56:57  

And the last thing for you. Do you have any final words of wisdom before we hit the stop record button?

 

Tommy Breedlove  57:04  

I’m gonna go back to it again, for all of us. You know, we all need to do the work to make ourselves — you know, we serve ourselves first so that we can serve others. So again, participate in your own rescue and make the courageous choice to invest in yourself in all phases: professionally, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Just make the choice. Start with one small step and participate in your own rescue.

 

Richard Matthews  57:37  

Awesome, thank you so much for coming on the show, Tommy.

 

Tommy Breedlove  57:39  

Yeah, you’re welcome, brother.