Episode 025 – Phyllis Ginsberg
Welcome to another episode of The HERO Show. I am your host Richard Matthews, (@AKATheAlchemist) and you are listening to episode #25 with Phyllis Ginsberg – Liberating Entrepreneurs from the Fight or Flight Mentality.
Phyllis Ginsberg, M.A., MFT, is the author of “Brain Makeover” and “Tired and Hungry No More”. She is known by many working professionals as their “Survival to Thrival Expert”.
Here’s just a taste of what we talked about today:
- Situations in your personal or professional life that’s getting in the way of either.
- Survival Thinking vs. Possibility Thinking
- Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping
- Access to guidance and intuition is a superpower.
- Things that are easy for you are your superpowers.
- Overly responsible is a fatal flaw.
- Shifting thoughts to value yourself.
- Fighting for possibilities.
- Ask what the next best step is.
- Humans are creatures of habit.
- Showing up real is better than showing up right.
- Writing down on paper what needs to get done and when.
The HERO Challenge
Today on the show, Phyllis challenged her speaker mentor, Julia Glyde, to be a guest on The HERO Show. Phyllis thinks that Julia is a fantastic interview. Julia saw the potential in Phyllis’s voice and she helped Phyllis get in touch and develop that voice.
How To Stay Connected With Phyllis Ginsberg
Want to stay connected with Phyllis Ginsberg? Please check out their social profiles below.
- Website: PhyllisGinsberg.com
Call To Adventure
Don’t forget you can stay connected to me and the show by subscribing now. Just text ALCHEMY to 444999. Or you put your email address in the box at the bottom of this page. You’ll get all sorts of cool gifts, be updated about our contests and polls, and get notified when we publish new episodes. With that… let’s get to listening to the episode…
The Webinar Alchemy Workshop: https://richardmatthews.me/fs/waw-slf/
Hello, and welcome to The Hero Show again.
I have the pleasure of being online with Phyllis Ginsburg.
Phyllis Are you there?
I am here.
Awesome. Glad to have you here. Phyllis, let me do a quick introduction
for people who may or may not have heard of you before.
So you are the author of brain makeover, which is a weekly guide to happier,
healthier and more abundant life, which sounds like a good book to start off with.
And you’re known and loved by many as the people who are happier,
less stress working professionals as their survival to thrive all expert.
So we’ll have to talk a little bit about what that means on the course of the show here.
So first thing we always start off with is basically…
what it is that you’re known for now?
What is it that people come to you, Phyllis, for?
And what do you help them with?
That’s a great question. And currently, people come to me when they want to make
positive lasting changes, if they’ve had a situation, whether it’s in their personal life,
or professional life, that’s getting in the way of either. And what I mean by that is,
there’s a lot of people that are having health issues recently,
and that’s no surprise, we’ve got an abundance of food, drinks, sugar…you name it
So many people suffering with health issues, diabetes and cancer.
And so I’m seeing a lot of people in my practice
and when I’m out speaking that are dealing with some really serious health issues.
And that gets in the way of not only their professional life,
but also their relationships, what I do is I help to get them on track to be congruent.
So they don’t have this inner struggle.
And if you see my hands like this…
that most people have this inner struggle,
“I want to feel better, but I don’t know how to get there.”
or “I know how to get there, but I can’t do it.”
“I can’t figure out how to even get close to what I need to do to be healthier.”
or “Once I get there, I can’t sustain it. My doctor says I need to do this,
this and this, and I just can’t do it.”
So people are coming to you for health or mental issues
or things like that, to help sort of get their life where they want it to be?
Right. And then there are quite a few entrepreneurs and professionals that I work with
that they have a lot of stress and anxiety and overwhelm in their work
because they’ve got too much to do and not enough support,
not enough hours in the day. And when you’re stressed out,
it does a lot of things to your body. And it puts you in fight or flight,
especially the chronic stress. And here’s what happens to your brain.
There’s a wonderful brain that we have that is supposed to help us to think
and problem solve problems and do what we need to do to function.
Well, if you’re in fight or flight because you just got an email from somebody
who has a deadline. And you’re like, Ah, what am I going to do? I’m so stressed,
I can’t even think straight. That’s because the blood in your body
goes to your hands and feet, legs and arms so that you can fight or flee.
Which means you’re not thinking clearly,
you don’t have access to your memory as well.
Forget intuition and guidance.
Like you don’t need any of that if you’re if you have to run from danger.
And all the danger signals get, you know, they go on alarm that you’re in danger,
and it was an email. That’s how a lot of people are functioning out in the world today.
So you come in and you help them learn how to retrain
how they’re responding to those kind of things.
So that they can respond, I guess intelligently or respond without the stress
and things like that. And actually take control.
What I do is I work with them on their thoughts.
So that their thoughts, their feelings, and their actions can be more congruent.
Awesome. So you mentioned before we got on the call that you do therapy.
So I’m curious, does this all sort of line-in with the whole entrepreneurial stuff?
You do coaching; you do consulting; you do therapy as your practice
part of your your business? Like how does that sort of fit together?
Right, actually, my undergraduate degree is in business,
business and marketing. And so I have this great business mind.
I went to therapy school for myself, because I wanted to do things differently.
And I thought that would solve all my issues from childhood. Yeah.
And I never really intended to become a therapist “therapist”, you know,
like, the whole feeling thing. And, yeah, we’re going to spend years figuring this stuff out.
No, I’ve never been a typical therapist, most of my work has been short-term.
And a lot of it has been assessment and recommendations,
especially the work I’ve done with domestic violence victims
and high conflict divorce. I worked for many years,
separately doing both of those as an area of expertise.
And when you look for specific things, of thought processes,
what I’ve discovered is that if you’re in survival thinking
and everybody I’ve worked with, in my 30 years, especially those who have had trauma,
they are in survival thinking.
And survival thinking is very different than possibility thinking,
survival thinking is I have a proto have to figure out
how I’m going to deal with this so I can survive.
When you’re in that your problem focused, and I help people get to be solution focused. That’s the shift.
Yeah, it sounds like it’s a big shift, right?
Because like, one of the things I you know, I talked my children all the time about is that,
you know, it’s very common when they’re young to look at some situation and say,
“I can’t.” I always tell them that that’s just their brain down. Every time you say,
“I can’t”… you’ve shut off your brain. So instead, ask yourself,
“How can I?” which opens your brain up to thinking
and it sounds like you like teach that kind of thinking,
like professionally to entrepreneurs, and to your therapy?
I do that. And I also use techniques that calm the fight or flight response and rewire the brain.
Awesome. Okay. So what I want to find out then, is how this all happened. Right?
You know, we talk all the time on the show about, you know, every hero has an origin story.
And that’s where you sort of discovered starting to realize that you were different?
That maybe you had superpowers?
And maybe you could use them to help people?
How did that come to be for you?
Well, I would say my whole story started at birth, but I won’t go all the way back there.
I saw the light and then
…the real defining point was 2005, I was in near burnout in every area of my life.
I had been working with, in private practice as a therapist
with an expertise in high conflict divorce.
So everybody that came to me was court ordered through the courts,
for either child custody, evaluation, mediation, co-parenting, whatever they needed,
they would just send my way. Actually it was fun stuff for me.
And it was tame compared to dealing with child abuse, domestic violence and rape cases.
I’ll take high conflict divorce any day over that. That’s like candy. I loved it.
I was great at it. But I work 12 to 14 hours a day, almost seven days a week,
I became so popular, I had an eight month waiting list. And I couldn’t be a Superwoman…
is what I discovered. I still had two kids at home, a dog, a cat and husband.
And I tried to do it all and I couldn’t. So I took some time off.
Once I got caught up and sent the court cases that I had for
as a special master. To keep them out of court, they had to come see me
before they filed any more motions. And through that time off,
I went through some self discovery, I immersed myself in positive psychology,
which was relatively new, at least getting more popular.
And I went back to using tapping. EFT Tapping.
The Emotional Freedom Technique.
I don’t know if you and your listeners have never heard of that.
For us. Okay, well, I definitely have to tell you what that’s about. You want to know here that
I would love to hear about it. We can get back to your story…
you got into tapping and we’ll come back to that in a second.
Yes. I was so fortunate to meet Dr. Roger Callahan.
Before I even got licensed as a therapist, he was the one that pioneered this tapping modality.
It’s a technique that you tap, like, here, by the eyebrow, side of the eye.
These are meridian points used in Chinese medicine.
And so he actually came up with a system that was quite complex.
And what he discovered by doing tapping,
he was working with this woman who had a severe phobia to water,
She couldn’t wash her hands or take a shower.
So he asked her where in your body do you feel the anxiety of that?
And she said, her stomach. So he said,
“We’ll tap right here, just like this, and we’re going to talk about it.”
So I did and five minutes later, she said,
“I don’t have that feeling in my stomach anymore.”
She went and put her hand in his pool of water.
And he made this connection that if you release the stored emotions,
through tapping and talking
that you can free
traumas, anxiety, all of the fears and phobias that so many people carry.
And he gave me his materials before I went for my orals when I got license in California,
you have to do a written exam and an oral exam.
And I use the tapping to calm myself down for the orals
because that was more anxiety provoking than childbirth. And it worked.
Yeah. And so I went back to using those tools in that gap of time.
Someone else simplified his tapping so that it could be
more available to the masses prior it was only for mental health professionals. Yeah.
So he made it.
Gary Craig made it available as a modality that has become almost mainstream.
There are, like, millions of people using it.
But obviously, in a lot of circles.
So there are so many more people that aren’t aware of it yet.
Yeah, I use that. It calms the amygdala in the brain.
So it’s calming the nervous system, and that fight or flight response.
It rewires the brain, you can have memories of something traumatic
and you won’t have the emotional reaction to it anymore.
So how did how did that tie into getting you to where you are now.
So I used all of these pieces to deal with.
I really yearn to be home with my kids before they went off to college.
I still had some unresolved grief from my mom dying at a young age, when I was only 15.
And there were just a whole lot of things.
And I felt like I was missing out on doing all this work for the court:
playing with other kids when I want to be home playing with my kids.
And I knew I could never go back to that life.
I could never be the same person that I was then.
Through doing that, going back to my meditation practice,
I got in touch with my intuition and guidance
and before I knew it, I started writing–journaling.
A friend of mine said, Oh, you should write a blog.
I said, I have no idea how to do that. So she got me set up.
Like I had no intention to be a writer. And then through this writing,
I put together what was my Monday topics–were healthy mind.
And that became my book brain makeover.
Interesting. Has the book lead to more client work?
Where have you developed courses?
Like what is that? What’s the business turned into nowadays?
Well, now I just released my second book called
“Tired and Hungry No More: Not Your Ordinary Guide To Your Health and Happiness.
And in the last, let’s say, four and a half years since I became an author.
I have been out speaking, doing workshops. I like to tell workshops
because people can then be like this.
They could be on on the phone. I don’t do the visual because I don’t want people
having to feel like they’ve got to be on dissipate.
But it’s purely interactive participation.
It’s lots of fun that I also locally do a tapping.
I started a tapping community, or people come …
You sort of pulled this full circle into designing the lifestyle you want.
So tell us. Do you get to play with your kids more now?
My kids are grown and I just became a grandmother. I have a…
Nice! So you get time to play with the grandkids, then?
I have analmost four-month old granddaughter.
Nice. Yeah, I have almost three month old baby girl who her grandma’s in love with. So
2005 was what? That was quite a while ago.
Yeah, there’s like 13 years ago.
I made that transition. And then I fully changed my practice.
And what I do, and I don’t see as many individual clients, I like to do…
there are so many benefits to working as a group because people who…
you might not even know what’s inside of you – what’s going on.
I call it programming, we get this programming.
By the time we’re seven years old, most of our programming is there,
including our coping skills. And a lot of those coping skills don’t work in the adult world,
that at some point, we need to shift them. And so I use my laser assessment skills
and can really zone in quickly and get people
so they can be more congruent with what they want.
Instead of having those older programs running the show and getting in the way.
It’s interesting, you say that a group coaching has been super effective,
because one of the things I’ve discovered with a lot of my clients,
when we teach them how to build their masterminds in their coaching programs,
and their workshops and whatnot.
A lot of them, they’re transitioning, they’re either doing one on one work
and are resistant to the group coaching work for whatever reason.
And we’ve actually found time and time again,
that their clients get better results in group coaching than they do in one on one coaching.
And my theory on this–and this is just a theory.
So you probably have more expertise than I do on this.
My theory is that when you put a group of people together with the coach
or with the mentor who’s teaching, it’s immediately apparent to them that
if they want to change… that the onus is on them to do that.
When it’s in one on one situations. A lot of times they put that
on the person who’s doing the teaching.
And yeah, so anyways, that’s my theory on why people get better results
out of group coaching them one on one,
You might be onto something there. I think there’s tremendous benefit to
people getting together and collaboratively there’s so much that can happen synergistically
in a group than you could ever get on with one on one.
Yeah. And you know, you learn from each other
and questions that you never thought to ask but are relevant to you
and that kind of stuff. And it’s, you know, we were designed to be community people
and story people, and that just works better in the group.
So anyways, that’s really cool. So, next part of this is your superpowers, right?
So what is it you know, that you do or build that really helps your clients solve their problems?
If you can narrow down to one thing and say,
Hey, this is Phyllis, the superpower, what would you say it is?
I have to say, my access to guidance and intuition.
What do you mean by that?
That means that I can get out of the way like nothing…
nothing when I’m working with somebody has to do with me.
I’m totally focused in the moment.
I know, I’ve got this tremendous foundation of assessment skills and ability,
with 30 years of experience working with clients.
And just to be with them, allow for what’s going to come through.
And lo and behold, it’s always I’m so in tune that I can say the right thing.
I’ll say something like, that’s exactly what I was thinking, are you in my head?
It’s almost, it’s almost kind of
like a superpower.
It is, I totally would describe it as a superpower.
And when I was working so much. And prior to 2005 and burnout,
I knew that, you know, like, you hear mother’s intuition.
And I could have this intuition. So I think I already had it developed.
But after burnout, and I did went to my transformation.
It is so heightened that between that and my laser sharp assessment skills,
I can get to something like that. Real quick.
So tell me this? How much of that superpower do you think it’s something that was
developed versus a natural born talent?
Ah, I don’t know if it’s developed? Well, there’s probably an element of developed.
But there’s also what I think is, I had to clear enough stuff out of the way in order to present to it,
I think that’s probably the most accurate, because I dealt with my emotional world more,
I didn’t have space, and decrease stress, and enough space to take it in.
So what I think is really interesting about that is you mentioned earlier that
what you do is you help people clear away the cobwebs in their lives, right?
The things that are causing them
so they can get to what they do well, and you realize, like,
your superpower was hidden under, you know, whatever you want to call it,
things that were holding you back.
So I mean, obviously you do have some of the development of your skills
over the years of doing what you do, but the superpower was there, right?
Just like any of your clients, anything people we work with,
it’s like they’ve got something to share.
And sometimes you just have to get the mental stuff out of the way
so you can see it so it can come and shine through and help other people.
Exactly, I think that you’ve described it very well,
that is exactly what all of us probably are encumbered with.
Too much overlay. And that once you’re free of that,
we have access to all kinds of fun stuff.
Yeah, you realized that you’ve got all sorts of cool powers in there
that you didn’t know about. So yeah.
And it’s intense. I love that about life that as you, I don’t know…
I grew up in the age of video games, right.
And it feels like you can level up your life as you increase your skill sets
and increase your ability to sort of like, understand
and control your mind and all the power that’s there.
Just as you get further into life, you get more access
to the power that you’ve had the whole time.
Yeah, I think that we are born with these.
Maybe they’re hidden levels of things.
And until we’re ready for them, they won’t show up.
Yeah, that’s really interesting.
So it fits nicely into the whole, you know, the superpower theme that we’re talking about,
because it really feels like that sometimes when you get you know…
especially when you get to a point where you’ve mastered something
and it just flows easily. It can seem, especially to others who are looking in
like you have a superpower, because they look at and go,
“How do you make that look so easy?”
And I’ve always sort of held the thought that if you look at something in your life and say,
or if you ever catch yourself talking to your clients and say,
“You know, you just do this thing, it’s really easy.”
That’s when anytime that you label something is really easy is a hint that
maybe you have a superpower there
because most other people don’t look at that same situation,
that same thing and think “You know, that’s really easy to do or say or, you know, be a part of.”
Right. And then I’ve worked with clients who say, “People aren’t gonna pay me for this.
This is so easy. I can do this in a snap, I do it in my sleep. I do it for free.”
I’m like, that’s your superpower.
You’re like, that’s it right there. That’s the hint. Right?
If you think it’s easy. That’s the stuff that’s valuable to other people.
Exactly. I don’t know how to do that.
Yeah, most of them, in fact.
And they think that everybody can, but that’s not true.
Yeah. So the other side of your superpowers are your fatal flaws.
So we talked about, you know, Superman has his kryptonite.
Batman is not actually a superhero. He’s just really smart, and dedicated.
If you could narrow down a fatal flaw,
something that has held back your business, in the past,
or even currently, what would you say it is?
And more importantly, what have you been doing to rectify that
so you can move your business forward, whether people suffer from those kind of things,
I might be able to make changes.
Oh, that was a challenge to just figure out.
Because of the way that I was brought up in that I led a very isolated life
with a lot of responsibility at a very young age.
Yeah, and especially if your mother died when you were 15.
Yeah, and she was sick my whole life.
So being overly responsible, I think is one of the fatal flaws.
And growing up in isolation. So I got like two things that really go against…
So really responsible is one I’ve never heard on the show before
talk a little about, like how that manifests.
Okay, so if you’re overly responsible as a child,
that means that you don’t get the freedom to be a child to play
there’s a burden that comes with that.
You’re kind of saddled with too many responsibilities,
and having to grow up too fast in the adult world.
Oh, not being able to connect with people and play
and have spontaneity and enjoy things.
Have fun, like, I’m still working on how to do all that.
How did that impact your business negatively?
Because those things don’t come naturally to me.
I think it’s harder for me to connect with people.
When I’m not working with them, I work really hard to be able to connect.
And not feel like I have to take care of someone. Because that was my template.
That’s my programming. And then to not isolate…
and it is isolating being an entrepreneur or working in an office
as a therapist, where everything was about my clients, and nothing was about me.
So like, not having a “me” in my life.
or the majority of it, all my energy went out to everyone else.
I paid a huge price for that.
So how do you sort of turn that around?
And what kind of things have you done to make a make a change
that you’ve seen haveing a visual of an impact on what you do now?
I would say that
by going through the transformation I did,
and introducing positive psychology and understanding brain research
and how all the pieces fit together to deal with emotions,
that I was able to free up the heaviness that was really weighing me down.
And through that, my work is playing now.
Like I have such a fun time. There’s nothing more rewarding than
shifting someone’s thoughts so that they could be free and pursue what lights them up.
And they could have a purpose and meaning and it doesn’t matter what it is.
But for them to say, “Wow, I got clarity on what my next steps are.”
Yeah, that reminds me of a of a quote that was just said the other day by Tim Cook.
Let me see if I can find it on here.
He said, said “If you love the work you do that you’ll never work a day in your life.”
Tim Cook, who’s the head of Apple, said if you love your work,
then you’ll work harder than you ever thought possible.
But the tools will feel light in your hands.
Yeah, I like that. That is exactly. And when I do what I do, you know,
like all the the marketing and promotion and all that.
That’s not as fun although this is fun, because I get to connect with you. And
yeah, just having as much fun as I am.
And it’s doing the work.
is it’s fun, right? It’s interesting. So it’s like, when you sort of fall in love with what you do.
You know, like that quote said, right? It’s you will work hard.
You do work hard. You work long, but the tools feel light in your hand.
That’s not … it’s not a burden. It’s a joy.
That’s what I was able to shift.
Like, just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean I have to do it.
Because I could be good at a lot of things. And that’s not what I aim to do.
And when I went through burnout, I decided
Okay, what is it that I want to do? And I was able to make this shift to decide,
Okay, I’m going to value me. This is my life.
And if I don’t do something for me, when am I ever going to do it?
And why be here if I’m not going to?
So the next obvious question, in relation to that is,
How much did that impact the quality of the work
that you actually deliver when you’re working with people?
Like when you’re speaking on stages or doing your group workshops?
Do you think that you were able to connect better
and help people more fully? Because of how you’ve changed?
I think that I definitely bring a different me
to my work than I did in the past.
I was great at what I did. But there wasn’t really a me with a personality in the past
before it was like, dress professional look like the courts expert, and all that.
And have the facade like I could be having the worst day but nobody knew it.
Yeah, I like the judges and attorneys. They would all say
“Oh, how wonderful. And you ready for another case? You just finished this one?”
And I’m like, okay, yes, I’ll take it, like girl put them on my list.
And nobody had a clue. Just how bad that I was starting to become in distress
from taking on too much. So yeah, I bring a lightness now to my work that wasn’t there.
I think that because I chose to work with people to make changes where the court people…
I was mostly helping them solve problems.
Negotiation, doing mediation, making recommendations to the court,
those had different outcomes.
And now, I wouldn’t even call what I do as therapy because it is like so laser fast.
When I work with somebody in a group or on a workshop call in 10 or 15 minutes,
I can shift something that might be a 10 for them or so stressed out
it’s a scale of one to 10 is the highest that it could be.
And I can bring it down to a two or three in like 10 or 15 minutes.
So that’s cool. Yeah, it’s really quick transformation.
Yeah, and people will definitely pay for quick transformation.
So that’s got to be a cool thing for bottom line on the business side.
What I talked a little bit about is your common enemy, right?
So if your common enemy is the thing that you fight against.
So if you could, you know, every client that comes to you, or you know,
group workshop, or you know, if they’re listening to you on stage or whatever,
if you could just wave a magic wand and remove something from their life
and allow them to get the transformation that you do.
Would you be able to name that and say what it is?
well, I want to remove the heaviness
and that I think the reason I choose the right word.
Well, that’s the first word that came to my mind. It is heaviness.
Because we all are stopped in our tracks by something that’s in our way.
And I think for a lot of people that I work with, there’s a heaviness,
they’re carrying something like
What’s weighing you down?
And it could be a financial burden, a health burden.
Maybe he got a challenging child that you have to help through life.
I think that we all have something that weighs us down and keeps us.
Yeah, sometimes it could just be the simple responsibilities of life. Right?
Like, yeah, you know, in my case, I’ve got a wife and four children.
And regardless of how much I love them the responsibility of like,
I have to be prepared, you know.
Prepared to take care of them. And those kind of things.
Like, that’s never going to change. Right.
But it’s just a thing.
Because you’re a dad and a husband, you have responsibilities.
But I think you’re unique in that you have gone the extra step
to find what you enjoy, where a lot of people I think,
find themselves stuck in I have to do this because I have to support my family
even though I don’t like it.
I do believe a lot of people and want to be entrepreneurs, authors,
speakers, business owners, that say,
Oh, I wish that I could quit my job and just do this full time.
Maybe trying to juggle both a full time job or a part time job.
So you help them.
You help them and like if you could get in and take off that burden–that saying
I wish I could, but I can’t.
And so that they can move forward and actually do some of those things.
That’s the thing that you would you would help them even remove that.
Whatever is holding them into that I wish I could but I can’t mentality,
Right. To freedom from the survival mode thinking. Into the possibility.
I don’t know if I mentioned this before we got on the call.
I travel full time with my family. So we’re on the road traveling.
We’re in an RV, and we travel full-time we’ve been doing for two years now.
And one of the things that I hear regularly
as we meet and talk with people is, “Oh, that’s really cool. I wish I could do that.”
And I always respond with like, Why don’t you?
And they always respond with I can’t because you know,
fill in whatever the reason why they feel like they can’t.
And sometimes the reality is, they don’t actually want to do the thing that I’m doing.
So that they’re just looking at an idealized life,
and saying they want to do that. But a lot of times they do actually want to
do something very similar. And you know, maybe it’s a job or it’s a kid or home,
you know, their kids are in school or whatever it is
they have all these reasons why they can’t.
And, you know, I’ve always…
I don’t know how to help people through that, like, how do you?
You know, because for me, it’s always been like,
if I want to, I’ll figure out a way to make happen.
Which is a rare breed. Yeah.
I seriously think there’s a small percentage of people
that naturally will do that kind of shifting on their own.
And then there’s the rest of us that kind of like
the universe has to bring us to a place where we’re forced.
If someone pushes you past the “I can’t.”
yeah, we can get out of our comfort zone
or as I often say, we’re comfortably uncomfortable.
And we’re not willing to go beyond that. Yeah.
So you’d want to help push people past that.
So I think it’s really interesting, because I actually think it ties into the next question.
Which is your driving force?
So driving force is the other side of that enemy.
It’s the thing that you fight for.
Spider Man fights save New York and you know,
Batman saves Gotham, or Google fights to categorize
all of the world’s information.
What is it you say you fight for in your business–in your life now?
Oh, my goodness.
I would have to say, for people to have possibilities,
Possibilities, that’s good.
And not feel stuck?
Yeah, and what I really like about that is, it’s an open-ended type of thinking.
Or it’s not a you know, it’s not that you’re helping people achieve
a specific goal or get to a specific weight or anything like that.
It’s like, you have the possibilities in your life, the choices, right?
It’s almost, right? You’re teaching people to fight for freedom,
It’s not only freedom, it’s also for them to find what is the best thing for them
that they’re aligned with so that they can do what they’re here to do.
They can live the kind of life and have the experiences that are unique to them.
Because I’m not one that’s going to say, I know what’s right for you,
or I know it’s good for you. Or if we just do this, you’re going to have this wonderful life.
I don’t need to go into that hole. I’m going to tell you what to do.
No, we’re going to have things naturally evolve out of you.
Because if each of us have our own gifts and talents, I want those to emerge.
And I want people to discover what they are.
I tell them, this is what you have to do. Or this is all you need to do.
And I don’t have the answer to say, if you followed this diet or if you follow this marketing plan.
Yeah. What about my favorite quotes that I think about regularly,
it says that when you’re going to make decisions for what you’re going to do,
like during the day, like the actual tasks that you’re going to do every day is to do
only what you can do. Right? So, you know, thinking of like possibilities, just like,
I think I’ll go back to the thought that people are stuck in that “I can’t” mode.
As a lot of times people are doing things that many people could do, or anyone could do it.
It’s not something that’s uniquely them.
And when you sort of help them discover their unique gifts and their powers,
and they start doing things that only they could do,
that’s when they’re sort of freed up and have the possibilities open up for them.
Right. And if people don’t have the opportunity to access
what they’re gifts and talents are and what’s unique to them…
then they are going to miss out on that ability to have the kind of life
that I think what a lot of people pick up on is,
I want to feel as free as you come across.
Because there’s an energy that comes with this flow of life
that’s not burdened with too much stress and responsibility and overwhelm.
Yeah, and like, it’s something that I had to fight to get to in my life.
Fight to get to that place. But, you know, I was actually in the middle.
I started writing some stuff down for my own book, on this process,
How You Get to That Point.
And what I find interesting is, that freedom, right, where we had that energy and whatnot.
A lot of what I think it’s coming down to,
and I’m still like working through thinking this through,
is realizing that … I don’t quite know how to say this yet.
But it’s that you have a destination in mind.
But your daily choices on how you get there are pretty open.
You have control over your time, you have control over your financial decisions,
you have control over your location, and you’re content with like what you’re doing now,
you’re going somewhere. You have a destination, right?
And that allows you to enjoy the journey you’re on.
And I don’t know if there’s something about enjoying what you’re doing now
and the journey that you’re taking, and being able to,
even when things don’t go well realize that they’re part of the journey.
And I don’t know that’s, I think, where a lot of lightness and energy comes from
this is just realizing that it’s not about the destination, you’re going to get to eventually I mean,
you should have someplace you’re moving towards.
But it’s really about what you’re doing and experiencing now.
And I think that there’s a few pieces that go with that one.
It’s that, you’re accepting what is now you’re dealing with what is
and whether it goes well or not. It’s part of the process.
You also are leaving room open for chance meetings.
I didn’t know, six months ago that I would be having this podcast interview with you.
Right, so I had to leave some something open to say
I know exactly what I’m doing step by step and,
and who’s going to help me get there.
You don’t always know who’s going to help you get where you’re going.
Or that maybe there’s a detour and like, the Univers is, “Oh, we’re going to have
a few…you’re on your way home and get a flat tire and you’re delayed.”
It’s delayed. One of the things that’s really interesting about this lifestyle in particular is
how it condenses a lot of those experiences that people have, where they realize,
those are like rules about life is that you have to leave open and stuff like that is it’s like,
Everything changes, right. So like this week, I’m in one place; next week, I’m another place.
You know, a week after we’ll blow an engine, right?
And you have to figure out how to solve this thing. And I don’t know, it’s just part of that whole…
That whole process. It’s like, before in my life – before we started traveling,
I learned a lot of those same things over a larger period of time.
But it’s like traveling has condensed a lot of that learning.
And sort of figuring that like exactly what you just said out.
And I think there’s there’s such a thing as divine timing that this isn’t all as we wish.
There’s a whole however things are orchestrated that if it’s not meant to happen today,
it’s not going to happen today. And if next week’s a better time for it…
I just surrender like, Okay, my intuition says next week,
and this week looks good to me.
But I’m gonna go with next week because I don’t argue with intuition.
Yeah, yeah. And there’s definitely something to be said for the intuition.
gut feelings that kind of stopped me
and realize maybe I just… this just doesn’t feel right.
And, you know, making the decisions and moving forward on those things.
And like, actually, like we were talking about earlier,
you sort of have to clear out some of the other stuff. So you can hear that.
So you can hear those, hear the intuition. Otherwise, it’s not something that you’ll hear.
And I think, desperate to make something happen that they’re pushing against something
instead of allowing it to flow organically.
See, okay, what’s my next best step? That’s a question I will sometimes ask myself,
I’m sitting here I got all these papers and different things.
Okay. Like, okay, what’s my next best step?
Or what would be a most benefit to look at now?
Take the time to do something like that.
And you just go race from one thing to another.
Where are you in it?
You’re like a machine instead of actually connecting with what you’re doing.
Yeah. And then you realize that like that creativity, that divine spark
comes in when you sit down and you ask yourself those questions, right?
When you ask yourself better questions. Like, you know, what can I do here?
Like, what the next step is? I actually I like the way you said that.
Because a lot of people ask themselves, what do I do next?
And what you were saying is, what’s the best next step?
Which is a better question. And when you ask yourself better questions,
you allow room for better answers.
Exactly. And one of the things that I will often say is that up,
I’ll take someone from having thoughts of stress and worry,
and get them to a place where they can be calm, get clarity, and be creative.
Yeah. So that actually brings me to the next thing, which is
talking a little bit about your tools. We talk about the Hero’s Tool Belt, so to speak.
You know, Thor had his big magical hammer,
our neighborhood police officers have their bulletproof vest,
maybe you just use keynote or Evernote.
I had a guy on the podcast few weeks ago who, his magical tool was a big
A3 sheet of paper that he uses to draw things out on,
do you have any specific tools you use either for yourself
or for your clients, and really help you accomplish what you do?
Myself, every day, I will take a sheet of paper, sometimes I’ll do it the night before.
If not the morning of and I will write down.
I’ll take it from my calendar, and I’ll write everything that needs to get done.
When it needs to get done. If I have to drive to my office, what time I’m going to leave,
I have everything where I need to be so I can see gaps of time,
and I can make sure nothing falls through the cracks.
But more importantly, I’m on target.
I know what I’m going to make happen, or where I’m going.
So that I’m not just oh, I don’t have anything going on until three o’clock
or I have a group tonight. So I’ve got most today and you know,
sit around waiting or checking emails or you know,
you can get caught up for hours doing things figuring
out doing reactionary stuff, instead of doing stuff that you’re actually driving yourself.
Right. I also add my exercise in there. And just have a sense of what I’m doing.
And then I’m open to well, if something changes, like this morning,
I realized I’m going to call the Home Warranty people because
I have a toilet that the tank is leaking. It’s dripping water on the floor.
And I like okay, that’s gonna change my plans for
…move some stuff on the calendar, it’s interesting that you bring that up,
because I think we’re on like Episode 19 or 20 right now.
Here with The Hero Show. And out of those many episodes,
probably a good 25% of the entrepreneurs that we’ve talked to
have mentioned that their most important tool is some form of their calendar for the day.
And how vital that is. And so it’s just about that, you know, that it keeps popping up.
And that, you know, you’re saying the same type of things.
It’s like, you know, when you look at your day, it’s like,
I better plan my day out and know what it is that I’m doing.
And one of the things we were just talking about on like,
look at that and be like that’s rigid,
the last episode we did was people from the outside looking in
and it’s not flexible, and realize that it’s actually it’s freeing, right?
It’s the opposite of what people think it is that
when you actually know what you’re going to be doing.
Next, you’ve removed that mental space where you’re trying to think about, you know,
what I have to do next, and you remove that mental space
where you’re reacting to things, you just know,
“Hey, this is getting taken care of. This is what’s going on.”
And it allows you to be more present in every space.
So even when you’ve got the time for your family later,
you’re not thinking about all the things that you you know,
you could have or should have been doing,
because you’ve got it all taken care of,
it’s all down on the paper or on the calendar,
whatever your version of that is,
it is so good for your brain, to put something on paper
and not just focus on here, or even have it in your phone.
I don’t know, there’s a lot of people that have just switched to the phone.
And if that works for you, great. But I love having it on paper,
being able to look at it, make little notes, cross things off when I’m done.
It’s like a roadmap you might get in your trailer and just drive because that’s what you do.
But I bet you have a map where you’re going to the next place up every day,
and you don’t have a map of what you’re going to do, then by default,
we are creatures of habit. And we’re going to do the same thing every day
unless we’re plan it differently.
Yeah. And it’s interesting too, because like, you know,
if we use my travel as an analogy, one of the things that I’ve noticed is
you can’t – for daily things, you can’t plan too far in the future. Right?
Because there’s too many things that happen that change the trajectory.
It’s like we have long term, we have like a goal in mind.
Like this summer, we’re planning on going up the coast.
But like as far as detailed plans, we’ve only got the next few weeks planned out in detail.
Because beyond that, it’s almost impossible to do.
And I’ve noticed the same thing is true in business.
Your plan for today needs to be a lot more detailed than your plan for this month,
which needs to be a lot more detailed than your plan for this quarter. Right.
And it’s like, hey, what I plan on doing this year is
I want to hit I want to hit you know, a certain income level.
And the questions you ask yourself on a daily basis are like, you know,
are these things that I’m doing today, all the little things that I put on my calendar,
are they driving towards that goal or away from the big goal?
But that big goal is like it’s not a big detailed, like, here’s all the things I’m going to do
or every day for the next 365 days to make that happen.
It’s like on a daily basis, you’re thinking through the little things that drive to the larger goal.
One of my mentors says, you write your long-term goals or your goals in pen,
and you write your action steps in pencil.
So you can embrace them. Right?
Or I’ve heard that you write them, you write your long ones in stone,
and you write your other ones in the sand.
So cuz half the time you know, the ocean waves are gonna come up
and wash them out and you gotta try again.
And I have come to learn that If I don’t overbook
and overthink things and think I know and force things to happen
or make them happen my way. If I take a step back,
oftentimes they will happen in ways so much better
and more effective and more rewarding than I could have ever seen myself.
transition a little bit here talk about your own personal heroes.
So ,in our in our theme here, Frodo had Gandalf.
Luke had Obi-Wan.
Robert Kiyosaki had his rich dad. Who were some of your heroes?
Were they real-life mentors? Were they authors, peers,
who were maybe a couple years ahead of you?
And how important were they to what you’ve accomplished so far in your life in your business?
I have to say that the author that I followed,
know from the time I was like 19 was Wayne Dyer. If my Wayne Dyer,
I’m not what is he? What is he known for?
Okay, so he was considered like the father of personal growth.
And back in, I think it must have been like 1975 or 1976…
He came out with a book called Your Erroneous Zones.
And I remember seeing this book on my mom’s bookshelf after she died.
And it had to do with thinking.
And he just had a way. He was a psychologist, but he had a way of looking at the world.
And like, for example, he’d say, if somebody said,
I wish I could have done that different or that I would have been here and stood there.
And he would say, “Well, you can’t ever go back and do that.
So why would you even say something like that?”
Like that thought wouldn’t even enter his mind to go backwards
to do that wasn’t even possible. And over the years,
he developed and had, like spiritual awakenings
and was connected to the guidance and intuition.
He wrote, I don’t know, like 30 books, it was a tremendous
life of inspiration to read about.
He had, I think, eight or nine children.
So he wrote books on parenting and personal development, personal growth.
How did he impact your business?
Right, so how he impacted me…
and this always stuck with me, as he said,
It’s gonna be ordinary people that make the biggest changes in our world.
And that stuck with me, it wasn’t going to be the government.
It’s not the government that makes huge shifts, its people.
And one person starts a movement and inspires people.
And now we see that we have social media and all these platforms,
and one person truly can make a huge difference.
And I think we all are here with that potential.
Yeah. And I tell I tell people, one of my favorite quotes is,
I can’t remember the guy’s name for the life of me at the moment.
But it’s, you’ve got to find a way to go out and find what makes you come alive. Right?
And go do that, because this world needs more people who have come alive.
Yeah. And especially in today’s world, with how connected we are,
and how big of a voice people can have.
It’s finding those things that make you come alive,
really give you that ability to make a huge difference.
I agree. And there’s a lot of people that will, and past generations, for sure.
They relied on the government, they relied on their doctors,
anybody who had education who had authority was seen as the expert.
Those were the people they relied on.
And it’s a sad state of affairs that we’re in now I’m in an almost every area of life,
where if you don’t look after yourself,
really no one is there to do that in a really meaningful way.
Yeah, and it’s just, it’s the reality of life,
that self interest is what we all operate out of our own self interest.
And we start putting things together that are, you know,
if it’s good for your self interest on this podcast, for me, it’s good.
And for my self interest to have you on this podcast,
we end up with a mutually beneficial growth.
And like, that’s the way our economy and our world works is off of,
you know, being actually, you know, advocating for ourselves,
and realize that the people around us are advocating for themselves
and how we can come together and have, you know,
Win-Win situations and everything that we’re doing, whether that’s your health,
your relationships, you’re raising your children,
is how do you make it a win across the board for everyone?
And I think that’s the, you know, that’s how we should run run the world anyways.
That’s exactly what I like to say, it should be a win win.
Yeah. Cool. So I want to bring it home a little bit.
And this is we talked about guiding principles
and guiding principles are basically the top one or two,
maybe principles or actions that you use regularly contribute to contribute to your success.
And, you know, maybe it’s something that you wish you knew
at the beginning of your hero’s journey, right?
What are some of those things that you could pass on?
well, more recently, I think at the beginning of the year,
I had this insight that I just have to show up,
and I can’t get it wrong. Which meant that I had to trust myself,
I had to, you don’t like to take this chance of showing up more, getting out.
Doing things that you know, it’s more comfortable to just stay home,
go to work, be at the office.
But that’s not going to get my message out there to help the people that I know.
I’m here to help. And to share my gifts and talents with a broader audience.
There’s only so many people I can see in a day.
Yeah, if they don’t, you know, if other people don’t know I exist, and
it’s a really powerful actually, because one of the things that I’ve discovered
in working with clients all over the country and all over the world now is that
the people who succeed the most who have the biggest impact
and make the most money and impact most people’s lives
are not the ones who wait or try to do it right.
They’re the ones who get out there and just do something.
They, as you put it, they show up.
And they show up consistently.
And they show up again and again and again and again.
And when you show up over and over again, that is more powerful than doing anything once.
All the way. So like having the perfect marketing plan or having the perfect website
or having the perfect podcast guests schedule
or having the perfect whatever it is you’re doing or your book
like, it’s the whole concept that “done is better than perfect.”
Yes, yeah. One of my good friends now in a mastermind that I’m in,
she tells me all the time that perfect is the lowest standard you can hold yourself to.
Yeah, I actually write about that in my books,
it is perfectionism that creates stress and overwhelm,
and you can end up putting in so much time
that you resent what you’ve put together, and then trying to deliver that. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And what’s interesting is that,
I’ve actually seen this happen. It is that someone like for,
like email marketing, for instance, someone who comes out and puts an email out every day,
to their audience of people that’s terrible
will have a bigger impact and bigger influence th
an the person who has who takes a long time and builds like the perfect, you know,
email automation to the perfect follow up sequence or the perfect story to go with.
And, you know, it’s, I don’t know, it’s just that this idea that showing up is more important
than showing up right?
Right, showing up real is more important than showing up as the expert. Yeah.
Even though we want to be in our expertise,
but we’re really in our gifts and talents and being real.
Being this facade, facade, like I know what’s best for you,
and I’ve got it all together,
I think we’re gonna have to coin a phrase,
we’re going to say showing up real is more important than showing up right.
I like that.
Because that’s really it, right?
You know, people who show up, and they just are their authentic selves are…
And I said, and I’m using the phrase show up broadly to mean anything from like
getting your marketing done, to writing your book to talking to your clients,
you know, show up. Show up and be you.
And if you have a problem, and you don’t know who you are,
maybe they need to call you in and spend some time in one of your group coaching classes.
That is the most fun that I have is
helping people discover themselves
get out of their own way so that they can be
congruent with their goals, their thoughts, their feelings and their actions.
And what’s interesting is, I think that people will have an easier time showing up,
they know who they are. And a lot of times, perfectionism,
or things like that, where you’re having a hard time showing up
is just a mask we’re putting on not knowing who we are.
And it’s hard to know who we are when we’re protecting ourselves
from fear of judgement and expectations.
And people that say you should do this. And you should do that.
And like, a lot of people get confused,
and they don’t know what to do or who they are,
where they’re going. And if it’s a real struggle,
and I think people struggle, then they give up, which is really sad. Yeah.
One of my past mentors said you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t let people shoot on you.
Which I thought was funny. So last thing I do on this show every time is
–we do something that I call The Hero Challenge.
And The Hero Challenge is pretty simple. It’s basically just …
Who do you know, that you think has a cool story?
Who would you introduce to us on the show and bring them on?
And who are they? And why do you think they would be
a good story to share here on the hero show?
Oh, my gosh.
I’m gonna have to think … search in the archives.
Do you know I’m drawing a blank?
Too many things. Do you have anyone in your business network or fellow authors,
that are you know, or friends, people who are running businesses
in your network that you think of? have got a cool story to share?
Actually, I think the reason why I wasn’t coming up with one is because I have two. Okay,
Yeah, pick one of them.
So my speaker-mentor. She… without her, I definitely wouldn’t be where I am.
Because I didn’t have any training and speaking, or a voice.
And nothing was really about me as a therapist or in my life,
because like everything was about everybody else.
So working with her, and she saw the potential in me
and could bring it out. So she would be a great one.
Julia Glyde. And she teaches people how to sort of
get in touch with their voice and become professional speakers.
She does speaker training, how to do videos.
Okay, video training. And she’s an amazing business coach.
That’s awesome. Yeah. So we’ll connect her later and see if
we can … see how to invite her onto the show.
That’d be cool. So last thing is basically this, you know,
thank you so much for coming on the show.
Phyllis, I really enjoyed having you on.
Where can people go if they want to either pick up a copy of one of your books?
Or if they’re interested in learning about your group programs that you teach?
If they’re feeling stuck now? Where can they go to find out about what it is that you offer?
And more importantly, who would be the ideal type of person to reach out to you
if they are interested in either picking up your books or going through one of your programs?
Yeah, well, I have to say first, thanks,
this has been a fun conversation to have with you.
And I like your superhero superpowers thing.
It’s been fun.
Yeah. So my books are available anywhere books are sold.
So if you go into a bookstore, if they don’t have it, you can ask for it.
Or you can get it on Amazon, I have two books:
Tired and Hungry No More
I notice it’s there in the background. If you could point it out a little bit there.
And then my website would be a great place, if you want to connect with me
and see more of what I’m about and look for my events.
And the website is PhyllisGinsburg.com.
And to answer who is my ideal, who might be ideal to benefit
from what I have to offer would be anyone who feels like
they are stressed, anxious, worried to have those fearful survival thoughts going on
that are getting in the way of your health, your business, your relationships,
finances, parenting, anything where you feel you like to grow into this,
I want this, but I’m having these thoughts. How do I make it happen?
Absolutely. So if you’re listening to this, and you connect with sort of felicitous thinking
and you think that maybe you’re stuck, or you’ve been in that place,
I know I’ve been there before where you’re thinking in terms of survival
instead of what you say possibility thinking.
Yes, instead of possibilities. Then I want you to take the time
to reach out to Phyllis I’ll spell the website for you here
P H Y L L I S
G I N S B U R G.com
you can find what you said your workshops are there,
your books would be available there or on Amazon
and take the time to reach out to her
obviously, she knows what she’s talking about.
She’s got 30 years of experience, which is, you know,
I barely have that much experience with life.
So obviously, you know, thinking about,
about helping people through these things,
and I really appreciate you coming on the show and talking with us through
some of the stuff. And, again,
thanks for coming on.
Yeah, thanks for having me, Richard.
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A peak behind the masks of modern day super heroes. What makes them tick? What are their super powers? Their worst enemies? What's their kryptonite? And who are their personal heroes? Find out by listening now
The HERO Show
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