Episode 030 – Riana Milne

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Richard Matthews

Hello and welcome back to The HERO Show. My name is Richard Matthews. 

 

I’m here in a new setting today out in Santa Barbara, California. I’ve got Riana Milne 

 

On the line. Are you there, Riana?

 

Riana Milne  

Hi Richard. How are you? Hi everyone.

 

Richard Matthews  

Awesome. So glad to have you here. Let me do a quick introduction so people know who you are. 

 

So, Riana is a certified global life and dating and relationship coach, which is super cool. 

 

I saw some of your topics. So we have a … about today’s is really interesting. 

 

Number one best selling author, your host of your own podcast. 

 

You have a daily brief on Alexa? And you’ve been certified as a trauma 

 

And addictions professional. And licensed for Over 19 years, you said in Florida?

 

Riana Milne  

As a licensed mental health counselor, both New Jersey and Florida.

 

Richard Matthews  

Wow. That is got to be a tough gig.

 

Riana Milne  

I love it. I love what I do. I love the coaching now.

 

Richard Matthews  

Yeah, a lot of fun. So, what I want to start off with and we start all the shows off with 

 

Is basically what are you known for now? What is it that people come to Riana for? 

 

What do they come to you for help with?

 

Riana Milne  

Sure. I help people, which is 90% of adults, overcome childhood and love trauma, 

 

And help them heal to create the life that they desire and then have the love that they deserve.

 

Richard Matthews  

So dive into that a little bit. What kind of traumas are we talking about?

 

Riana Milne  

Okay, well, there are 10 childhood traumas.

 

I can name all 10 because it’s really fascinating to know what they are 

 

Because most people say, “Well, I wasn’t traumatized. I don’t fit the 90%.” 

 

And they hear the list. They’re like, “Oh, yeah, I do have a few.” And this list was –

 

There’s a list developed by Kaiser Permanente, Which they call the ACE test, 

 

A-C-E, which stands for Adverse Childhood Events. 

 

But my list came out a few years ago, from my direct experience, as working 

 

As a psychotherapist, addiction specialist with adolescence in the school, 

 

As a SAC Counselor, Student AssistanceCounselor, and I worked 

 

To every grade there. And I was the counselor in the schools that help the kids 

 

With their emotional upset. Or if they were labeled ADHD 

 

Or oppositional defiant, I was the counselor that they saw. So that’s grade kindergarten 

 

All the way through college and child study team. So I’ve been working in the trauma field, 

 

Not thinking I’m working with trauma, but every position I worked with 

 

In the adolescent unit of a hospital, I was seeing teenagers that were cutting, 

 

Suicidal, using drugs running away. They came from traumatic homes, 

 

They didn’t want to be there. So my list is a checklist of 10 items. And I’ll be glad 

 

To go into that because it’s pretty fascinating. Again, when I do this,

 

If you want to make a note of it, it’s if you want to meet with me later, 

 

I would be asking how many of the traumas do you think you have? And again, 

 

This is not a list about shame, or blame, because when you hear the list, again, 

 

As a child , you’re just a product of your environment, there’s not much you can do. 

 

I don’t want to say you’re a victim, but you were there. And these events 

 

Happened around you. So the first one, as a child, did you experience 

 

Your caregivers or parents that first had any addiction? So we think 

 

Of drugs and alcohol, but there’s ten addictions are; 

 

Drugs, alcohol, sex, meaning a parent was a chronic cheater, porn, gambling, 

 

Hoarding, spending, eating, TV watching, workaholism and gaming. So there’s 11 addictions

 

Right there that could have been more … than you. Yes, as a addiction specialist, 

 

We know that there’s more addictions than drugs and alcohol. That’s just the top of the list. 

 

Okay, second, verbal abuse if you watch their parents fighting, or verbal abuse 

 

Came towards you. So you did not hear the words “I loved you.” You weren’t given compliments. 

 

You had verbal put downs, you never felt good enough. Or you were yelled at 

 

Or the parents were mad. They would call be stonewalling you meaning 

 

Shutting down not talking to you for hours or days. That’s forms of verbal abuse.

 

Emotional abuse, and neglect is number three. Number four is physical abuse, like beatings, 

 

Rape, or molestation, and those two could have happened inside or outside of the home. 

 

The next trauma would be abandonment. There’s two types fault and no fault abandonment. 

 

Now, I named no fault abandonment as if the parent dies early, it’s certainly not their fault, 

 

But the child is still abandoned and feels traumatized by that. If a parent goes off 

 

To war, or if a parent works out of the home for long periods of time, and that was 

 

A situation for me. I found out, we all did, my family, that my father was FBI and CIA, 

 

Many years later, unfortunately, he was dying of cancer, when we got letters 

 

From the president, thanking my father for all his years of services for our country. 

 

But I remember as a little girl asking, when’s daddy coming home? 

 

And my mom would be very upset and say, “Well, I don’t know.” So she was left 

 

Raising five kids mostly on her own, and we’d be always waiting for dad to come home. 

 

That’s a form of abandonment. Okay, and then fault abandonment would be 

 

If there was a divorce, and the parent never really sees a child or is inconsistent, 

 

And the child grows up wondering who that other parent was. Or even if

 

Or breaks his promises to see the child, or the parent never was in the child’s life to begin with. 

 

You are visiting your parents, and they choose to ignore you. The dad is spending 

 

More time with his new girlfriend or watching football on TV, you’re still 

 

Not feeling a bond. So that’s type of fault abandonment. The next one is 

 

If you were adopted, part of foster care, or needed to go live in another household 

 

Because your parents couldn’t keep you in a household that could have ended 

 

Living with grandma or an aunt, or family friends. Next one, trauma number seven 

 

Is one of the most common and that was if you grew up being feeling not good enough. 

 

So you might have been bullied at the school, or not picked for sport teams. 

 

Skinny and gawky or you were overweight kid for some reason, we just didn’t feel you fit in.

 

Next one would be sibling trauma. You perceived one of your siblings to be the golden child. 

 

So they could have been more attractive, more athletic and prowess, 

 

More handsome or beautiful. And you saw that your parents gave them more 

 

Alkaloids time or attention. And another could be your sibling was born 

 

With a medical issue. So they demanded more of moms and dads time 

 

Because they were ill. Or your sibling could have bullied you. 

 

Number nine is family trauma. And from a longer list, I brought in also, 

 

Community trauma. So community trauma would be our school shootings, 

 

Our mass shootings, or natural disasters, hurricanes, floods, fires, mudslides, 

 

That are wiping out communities. And of course, this is devastating for adults. 

 

But can you imagine little children going through this fear and horror running from a fire, 

 

That’s trying to catch up on them or something like that. Family trauma would be 

 

If a parent’s incarcerated. if you remember growing up in lack or poverty. If you had 

 

A move a lot like our military families in the US, let us move every two to four years 

 

And the child is displaced from school. Those are some of the typical family traumas.

 

Or losing your home during the mortgage crisis. And then the last one number 10 would be 

 

If your parent had a mental health illness, and my generation, we didn’t really 

 

See our parents go off to counselors. So you have to kind of guess if that was going on. 

 

So the two most disruptive to a child is borderline personality disorder, 

 

Which is fast trigger anger. You don’t know what kind of mood they’re going to be in 

 

When they’re good, they’re great, when they’re bad, they’re horrid. 

 

That’s the best way to explain borderline, they get moody and upset over the littlest things. 

 

And then bipolar is manic depressive. Depression can come out

 

As anger or checking out emotionally. Manic could be a phase of gambling, 

 

Or spending spree. Eating, binge eating something like that could be a manic phase. 

 

So those are the 10 traumas that kids commonly grow up with – some of them. 

 

And the research shows that about, you know, 80% of people say they have 1 to 3 

 

Of these events that have happened in their life.

 

Richard Matthews  

Just like thinking through my family and close friends or people that 

 

I have good relationships with, I know someone who’s had at least one of every one of those.

 

Riana Milne  

So it’s more common than we realize. And then what happens is 

 

This plays out in later years, in your love relationships.

 

Richard Matthews  

So that sort of leads me into your origin story, which we talked about is –

 

How did you go from being a professional in this space to being an entrepreneur 

 

In this space? Where you a life coach and offer those kind of things? How did you 

 

Make that transition? And why did you make that transition?

 

Riana Milne  

Sure. Well, I opened my therapy practice Therapy by the Sea 

 

In Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, in year 2000. Which is right outside 

 

Of Atlantic City. And although I had a solo therapy practice, I also went 

 

And worked part time at the schools, and the Hospital Center for adolescents 

 

And the drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents and women from prison. 

 

So I had all these other jobs going on as I was doing the psychotherapy work. 

 

And unfortunately, as a therapist, like very many of our other medical professions, 

 

We are held hostage by the insurance companies. After 17 years of not getting more 

 

Than a $5 per session raised by the insurance companies, I quit them 

 

And went out on my own, got certified as a coach 2009 and 10. And I said, 

 

I definitely want to be a coach. But I wanted to put out really important materials, 

 

Educational materials, I’m really all about education. So I wrote my first book, 

 

Live Beyond Your Dreams, from fear and doubt, to personal power, 

 

Purpose and success. And its sister book, Love Beyond Your dreams 

 

And break free of toxic relationships to have the love you deserve. And then went on

 

And built 150 page notebook, interactive notebook for singles, 

 

And then one for couples. So to produce all that education materials took me a while  

 

But I was still coaching since 2010, but also doing therapy. And then, 

 

Once all my materials were done, I built an online school, which is called the 

 

My https://www.lifeandlovetrainingacademy.com/ Where I can have people 

 

Do online self study, as well as work with me as a coach. So once these programs 

 

Were formed and developed, I left the therapy business completely fall of 2017. 

 

The winds of change with Hurricane Irma said now it’s time to close my office, 

 

And I went full time with coaching, and I love it. I absolutely love it, 

 

And in that process. I’m sorry, go ahead.

 

Richard Matthews  

I was gonna say not a lot of people have – So there tends to be 

 

Two types of entrepreneurs, those of us who are born into it, and we just, 

 

We never had a job and we sucked at jobs, and we could never really do it. 

 

And those of us who make the transition from doing the work to being an entrepreneur, 

 

And you obviously made that transition. How do you feel about that? 

 

Do you have any advice you might give someone who’s making that or 

 

Thinking about making that kind of transition?

 

Riana Milne  

Yes, I’ve been an entrepreneur since my 20s. This is just part two of my life. 

 

I opened a modeling talent school at age 26, up in Erie, PA . And I opened with 

 

My first month’s rent after I left a marriage, where my husband borrowed 

 

A large sum of money from my mother. And after I lost respect over that 

 

In the business that we had, which was a chocolate company, 

 

He signed some papers behind my back and got us into three quarters 

 

Of a million dollars in debt. So, I was 26 years old with two little daughters, 

 

And decided to leave the marriage. I said I cannot tolerate anymore. 

 

So, we bankrupt and I opened up this model and talent school, an agency 

 

I modeled for 13 years at that time, it’s like I can be an agent I’ll figure out 

 

What to do. And I was always motivated by success and learning. So I opened up 

 

The school within six months and became an International Model and 

 

Talent School of the Year Award Winner for educational excellence. 

 

And soon after, I was able to buy a nice home for my daughters and I 

 

And I had it for 10 years. And I was doing a lot of coaching and counseling, 

 

Helping people with eating disorders that came to me thinking they had 

 

To be skinny to model, like, no, you don’t look good, you need to be healthy to model. 

 

You need healthy hair and teeth and skin. And so I was doing a lot of counseling 

 

At that time. And I loved it. It’s like I really want to go back to school to get 

 

A masters degree. My first degree was in Penn State for communications 

 

Broadcast Communications. So my first job at a Penn State was to work 

 

As a copywriter for CBS station, which I really loved it but the pay was low. 

 

And I said I can make more of my own. So I always start my business with a dream. 

 

None of my businesses have started with a bank loan. None. And I got this gift 

 

From one of my mentors, Gene Vassal who was head of sales 

 

At the radio station WFIL Philadelphia, and I was a model called a boss chick. 

 

And we had hot pants and go go boots. And we worked all over 

 

The city of Philadelphia on incredible things. I danced the Encore with 

 

Freddie Mercury at Night at the Opera concert, had to pick up Alice Cooper 

 

From the airport and worked with all kinds of celebrities. That was my job 

 

And making 25 an hour. Not bad for teenage kid back in that day. 

 

And I love the entertainment field and getting to the bottom of

 

How did they get famous? And what did they do? And what was their mindset? 

 

You know, when everybody else wanted to be a singer? How did they reach the top? 

 

So I was always interested in reading biographies as a kid, and getting to know 

 

These people and how do they reach their goals? So I always had an entrepreneurial spirit.

 

Richard Matthews  

So you’ve sort of … back and forth with that line with entrepreneurship 

 

And doing work for other people anf everything. That’s really cool.

 

Riana Milne  

Well, you have to do what you gotta do. So I was building my business, 

 

But I needed regular income, I’m supporting my children. I was also paying 

 

Child support for joint custody. And I had been paying my mother back $200,000 

 

That my husband frauded from her. So that you can’t really do on a simple 

 

Nine to five job nor can you do it as a beginning entrepreneur? So I had developed 

 

The mindset, develop the mindset for success very early on. 

 

Richard Matthews  

So my next question then, is what would you say after all of your years, 

 

As an entrepreneur, that your superpower is, that if you could narrow down 

 

Here’s the thing that I do that has led to my success, or really helps me 

 

Help other people? What would you say your superpower is? 

 

Riana Milne  

It’s teaching the mindset for success in all life areas. No matter what difficult 

 

Transition you go through, and I’ve been tested on this my whole life, 

 

That you can overcome. And I’m also a very faith-based and very spiritual. 

 

So with faith and the mindset for success, you can complete and 

 

Do anything that you dream to do. And this is what I teach my clients when 

 

They come to me out of a toxic relationship, or through a difficult life situation, 

 

Like a divorce or something like that. Or they moved to a new city, 

 

And they can’t get their head wrapped around all the stress that they’re feeling. 

 

They call me, we do life and love transformation coaching. To get them where 

 

It is they need to be. But a big part of it is all mindset.

 

Richard Matthews  

So if you could distill it down, couple of things like 30 seconds, 

 

What would you say some of the most important mindsets are to overcoming 

 

And doing the things you want to do.

 

Riana Milne  

Fear-based thinking is the top killer. Research shows eight out of 10 of 

 

Most people’s thoughts are negative based. And these all come from our 

 

Childhood trauma messages. So overcoming the fearful my mindset, 

 

Overcoming anxiety, overcoming bouts of depression, so self doubt. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Is that kind of fears, like that negative voice in your head that says I can’t do it, 

 

Or I’m not good enough for it. Is that what you’re talking about? 

 

Riana Milne  

Yes, correct. Yes, that all come from the childhood trauma messages.

 

Richard Matthews  

That’s really interesting. So like, when you were going through the childhood trauma 

 

I realized, I don’t have most of them, maybe one was, in middle school, 

 

I got teased a lot for being small. 

 

Riana Milne  

Okay. 

 

Richard Matthews  

And … in the fact that I’m smarter than all of them anyway, so , as a child,

 

And I’ve so, I dealt with it. And, but a lot of those negative, that kind of fear thinking. 

 

My dad always really instilled in me that it was anything you put your mind to, you can do, 

 

There’s nothing keeping you there. So I always had that other side. I knew that I could do 

 

Whatever I wanted. So it’s not something I struggled a lot with. But I know 

 

Everyone does. And I can see it. And I  can hear it. He’s just a small voice 

 

But I’ve always had a bigger voice on the other side. On that. So, it’s interesting that 

 

You specifically focused on helping people overcome that negative voice. 

 

Riana Milne  

And then come into conscious awareness to live in positivity, and the confidence 

 

That they can do what they dream to do. Yes.

 

Richard Matthews  

So one of the things that I found interesting is, at least for myself, 

 

The way I’ve always imagined that negative voice is that it’s a separate voice like this,

 

It’s not me, it’s not coming from inside, and it is separate than I can ignore it. 

 

And that’s just like a mental game that I’ve always played. 

 

Riana Milne  

Okay. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Because it’s not, I don’t know how to say if I’m saying that, right. But like –

 

Riana Milne  

That’s one way to do it.

 

Yeah, that’s one way. 

 

Richard Matthews  

How do you generally help people over?

 

Riana Milne  

We use a process called capping. You correct the negative thought. 

 

A gentle parent’s voice inside of you, which is your own voice, 

 

You reparenting yourself, to say, “No, that’s not true.” Everything is going fine. 

 

“I’ve got you, God’s got you.” Whatever power you believe in whichever higher power, 

 

My healing, definitely is based on faith-based healing. So whether 

 

To call it divine God, whatever. It’s really important, because that’s part 

 

Of the gentle faith of you were born perfectly imperfect. We’re all here 

 

To learn lessons in life. That’s a Buddha message, that we’re supposed to make mistakes.

 

And we’re supposed to learn from those mistakes. So they’re not really mistakes. 

 

It’s just part of the journey. So it’s a gentle reparenting. If you have faith, 

 

Fear-based thought you cap it with a positive one.

 

Richard Matthews  

So I mean, that’s exactly one of the things that we do with our kids. 

 

So it’s interesting to think about that in terms of like, of your own thinking of 

 

How to place and correct the thinking.

 

Riana Milne  

And I raised my daughters totally different, my girls now 35, and 36. 

 

But, my 36-year old Alexi Panos coaches around the world now, 

 

She’s been putting water wells in Africa since the age of 20. Building 14 of them, 

 

She sings on three multi Platinum CD. She models, she’s in top magazines,

 

Runway, HGTV, a couple seasons for several shows on home makeover. 

 

So this is a girl that has heard my messages, both my daughters since 

 

They were growing up. He’s living that to the max, the watch me mindset 

 

For success is what I call it. And then he went down to put you down 

 

This is your dream, its stupid. In your own head, you say, “Watch me, I can do it.” 

 

Richard Matthews  

That is exactly the thinking that I was raised, as well. And it’s actually 

 

Riana Milne  

You know, so –

 

Richard Matthews  

Almost the same response I have all the time when someone tells me 

 

I can’t do something. That’s what we did instead. And it’s interesting because  

 

When you have that kind of attitude, you do things that sometimes 

 

A lot of people think are impossible. And my own industry, we have a number 

 

Of invention is a strong word, but like solves problems that people didn’t think 

 

Could be solved. And, you know, it’s around that watch me attitude. And my brother 

 

And I both share. And I remember growing up, if you if you ask either of us nowadays, 

 

He works in aerospace designs, type stones, and he works with CNC machines and 

 

Other things it does, he does stuff that’s like way over my head. But either way, 

 

It’s like both of us, in our respective industries. someone’s, they always ask, 

 

Can you do this? And we always respond to it. That’s the wrong question. 

 

The answer to that question is always yes. The appropriate question is 

 

How much time and money, and energy do you want them to getting the result?

 

Riana Milne  

That’s great.

 

Richard Matthews  

Because we can always find a way to make it happen.

 

Riana Milne  

And my daughters have always been entrepreneurs, as well. So they’ve all created 

 

Their own businesses when they were young, I used to ask them 

 

Mom needs a logo for this or I need for a fashion show. I need a certain song that 

 

Brings about this and that and then we’ll brainstorm ideas and that 

 

Was something I did since they were very young so for them to put a marketing plan

 

Together or come up with a logo or slogan it’s like second nature to them. 

 

So do you teach your children while they’re young – business. 

 

Richard Matthews  

… My son, and his current thing his school work here but he has a couple 

 

Of businesses that he started. You’ve got one where his working on creating pine cones 

 

Collecting pine cones and putting like color stuff on so when you burn 

 

They burned different colors and working on –

 

Riana Milne  

Wow! Nice! Cool. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Andhe build a bunch of-  I don’t know what to call them. He turned hair pins 

 

And popsicle sticks into crossbows with rubber bands and whatnot. He was selling 

 

Those at little farmers markets. So anyways, we’ve been encouraging 

 

That kind of stuff for a while. 

 

We look forward to seeing what comes because I didn’t really get into 

 

Riana Milne  

Good 

 

Richard Matthews  

The entrepreneur stuff til’ I was much older. So just think be interesting to see 

 

How much further he gets … the earlier. He got to start.

 

Riana Milne  

Yeah.

 

Richard Matthews  

So generally, we talk a little bit about common enemies, but it sounds like 

 

We already covered that a little bit with the fear based mindset. So I want to

 

Talk a little bit about the driving force, right? So in our whole hero mantra things, 

 

Spider Man fights to save New York, Batman fights to save Gotham or Google 

 

Fights to Index all the world’s information. What is it that you fight for? 

 

What is it that you’re looking to help people really achieve?

 

Riana Milne  

Say, I’m on a mad mission to change the way the world loves 

 

To go from unconscious hookup culture, to emotionally healthy evolved 

 

and conscious love relationships. So I am an educator. I do a lot of research 

 

Coming from the psychotherapy background of a triple masters in that. 

 

So taking any of the research from that and helping them with the exact skills 

 

They need to attract and have emotionally healthy relationship because those skills 

 

Weren’t taught anywhere. Not by our parents, not in schools.

 

Richard Matthews  

You have your work cut out for you with mission like that, too. Because our culture is 

 

Hardcore into the hookup and 

 

Riana Milne  

Its really sad. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Even the number of people who are getting married is dropping. And I know that –

 

Riana Milne  

The millennials 

 

Richard Matthews  

And the divorce statistic is totally bogus, because they don’t they don’t actually

 

Account for a number of things. But, the the real statistic is like – 

 

It’s about 60%. 

 

But the the real statistic, the one that’s actually scary is, 

 

Most people are just not getting married. So it’s not that marriage is not surviving. 

 

They’re just not even starting to begin with.

 

Riana Milne  

Well, they grew up watching their parents marriages fall apart. It’s funny, 

 

I was on a lecture with Dr. Terry Real, who coaches a lot of men 

 

Who have toxic personality types. And he was saying amongst the millennial, 

 

The baby boomers, which is where I am. I fit in the baby boomer crowd. He says, 

 

The women really, really evolved throughout time that the men stayed stuck 

 

Wanting to be in that Ozzie and Harriet, you know, the woman does everything. 

 

She cooks, she cleans, now she works. She does the kids. She does everything.

 

He does the nine to five. Comes home sits down. Wants his meal on the table still, 

 

And then goes and watches TV for the night. Well, women, what my generation 

 

We’re leaving that in hordes. It’s like, to me, it’s just another child. We can raise 

 

Our children without the third child. And he’s there and he’s there. I’m a feminist. 

 

He goes, I’ve watched you watch these women through the generation say, 

 

“Okay, well, we grew up watching that we’re supposed to be housewives and 

 

We’re going to be taken care of.” Then, you know, when I was 21, I went to college. 

 

It’s like, “Okay, I guess we’re getting a job. And then having the kids 

 

And trying to get the kids the jobs.” The grocery shopping, the meals cooking, 

 

Cleaning the house, we were doing so much it was so much overload. 

 

That the pressure from the male, that if he was irresponsible or hanging out 

 

With his buddies, or going down to the corner bar, eventually says, 

 

“I’ll just do this on my own.” So this is what his report was at the men have not 

 

Really evolved. However, the kids growing up watching this, the millennial men 

 

Were my daughters and son in-laws fall into. The men are very much taking care 

 

Of the kids and the house. And helping out every way as an equal partner 

 

In those areas. And the women are still working, but they have a little bit now, support. 

 

They have the support and help now from these men that want to be good fathers 

 

Because they saw their fathers just like “check out.” They weren’t spending much time 

 

With them. So he says, that has been the biggest change in society and relationships. 

 

Where the millennial men have really stepped up and balanced 

 

These relationships so much better.

 

Richard Matthews  

It’s really, there’s so many so many things in that, that we could unpack and dive into. 

 

But everything from the women working to –  It almost gets ostracized nowadays 

 

When women want to stay home and be moms. 

 

Riana Milne  

Yeah. I know. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Or if they want to take a couple of years off and go home be mom, which is unfortunate.

 

Riana Milne  

It is for the kids that are coming out. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Because there’s nothing like a mom. And, anyways, so my mom works my growing up, 

 

But my dad was also, he did a really good job of – He did a lot of stuff with us growing up, 

 

But I can see that, like, with my wife and I have the whole equal partner thing going on,

 

 But I do work so she can raise our children, which is what –

 

Riana Milne  

That’s good. Yeah, that’s against today. It is rare. 

 

Richard Matthews  

And I, make enough with the business that she doesn’t have to work. 

 

So, she doesn’t and we travel full time. So we have a lot of fun doing that. 

 

But that’s not a typical situation. 

 

Riana Milne  

Right. 

 

Richard Matthews  

We worked really hard to create –  And earlier in our marriage, she did work but anyways, 

 

We got it to a point where she didn’t have to so she could stay home with the kids. 

 

Riana Milne  

Yeah. So a lot of the marriages are also falling apart because of this unhealed, 

 

Unconscious childhood or trauma wounds. People are,  there’s a lot of 

 

Narcissism going on. There’s control, anger, jealousy. And this is all 

 

People pleasing, from the women, trying to please everybody and then 

 

Burning out and getting angry and resentful because we’re exhausted.

 

Men wanting to control a high powerful businesswoman who’s out earning a lot of money, 

 

And then he’s nitpicking her to death with what she’s wearing, or her weight isn’t perfect. 

 

It’s all these unhealed wounds that people are coming from and 

 

It’s causing a lot of sabotaging relationships. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Do you think the massive drop in birth rates we’ve seen globally 

 

Is a part of that, as well. Where, I know, they were talking. In the US, 

 

If you remove the Hispanic culture, our birth rate in the US is like 1.8, 

 

Which is barely enough to survive. Bannock culture, it’s like 2.5, but like Japan and France, 

 

Have both had to hire ministers of sex, so to speak, because they’re trying 

 

To encourage people to have families. And it I’m curious, if you think that 

 

Might play in some of the childhood? 

 

Riana Milne  

I mean, because again, the kids grow up seeing their moms are single moms

 

Struggling to support the families. Working like I did, I worked four to five jobs.

 

For a period of time, too, but I had the other unfortunate situation that, my family 

 

Was ripped off by my husband. So it’s like, “Okay, do I really need that? 

 

Or can I just make it on my own with my kids?” I can do better with that, versus, 

 

The man bringing me down in some way. So as women, who are successful 

 

In business, we expect successful, emotionally healthy unconscious male. 

 

So it’s just the lack of responsibility in a lot of people not overcoming 

 

Their own traumas. He was someone that had childhood traumas, 

 

A lot of self-doubt. And that whole situation happened because he was trying 

 

To please his father. So I mean, the forgiveness piece was huge for me 

 

For my healing, and I had to. Once I uncover the childhood trauma, it’s like, 

 

“Oh, okay, great.” Well, now I totally understand what he grew up with. And I can 

 

Forgive that because he was not nurtured the way he should have been. 

 

But it runs havoc, and people aren’t understanding that this is going on. 

 

And there’s a lot of unhealed people running around and hurting others. Due to –

 

Richard Matthews  

On this mission you’re on to help heal these relationships. And what did you call it 

 

To your own imagination to heal the way the world is and build really-

 

Or the way the world loves? How has it been going with your school 

 

And your courses and whatnot? Have you started to see a lot of –

 

Riana Milne  

I’m doing great. I’m doing really great. 

 

Richard Matthews  

How you’re doing, but like, with your students? Are you starting to get see people? 

 

A result of a sort of? 

 

Riana Milne  

Oh, yes.

 

Richard Matthews  

 What kind of success rate?

 

Riana Milne  

I mean, I’m at 100% success. Anyone that finishes my courses, 

 

And I heard a statistic only 9% don’t finish most courses on like, Are you serious? 

 

And my finish rate is extremely high. I only think maybe 5%. of finish. 

 

My people finish, they want to finish. So I’ve only done a couple years 

 

Of full time coaching. I am in the 5% of people making six figures in coaching. 

 

I am global. I went from a local office, two years ago to global. Had my online school, 

 

I have seven different programs, had live radio show the podcast show, 

 

I’m on Alexa, I am out there. And I have the energy and the mission to do it.

 

Richard Matthews  

When finishing the courses are they starting to – are you’re starting to see 

 

People actually change their lives as a result of that kind of 

 

Riana Milne  

Totally changed lives? If you go to my podcast, it’s on my YouTube channel or 

 

https://lessonsinlifeandlove.com I just had two of my graduates on. 

 

One just got married and one shot on there she goes, my life has totally changed. 

 

I mean, I have 80 testimonials on my website, https://rianamilne.com/ that people 

 

Can read through. It totally changes their life in many different areas. 

 

And once they really get the mindset for success, and going from 

 

Unconscious reaction, or poor coping strategies, from their childhood wounds, 

 

And become consciously aware of everything they’re doing, saying, acting, 

 

have this new purpose driven life, goal setting techniques, everything that they 

 

Learned in the program, their whole lives totally change. It’s fascinating. I love it.

 

Richard Matthews  

It reminds me of one of the things that I talk all the time, my kids have this 

 

More than anyone else, really. But the idea that between stimulus and response, 

 

There is choice. And most people, that choice is automatic. They’re having 

 

Stimulus come in and just making choices at the reaction mindset that you’re having.

 

Riana Milne  

And that’s the unconscious mind that gets them in trouble.

 

Richard Matthews  

One of our goals as a coach or an educator is to teach people how 

 

And once you master the choices you want to be making, then you start 

 

To separate stimulus from response. So we can have control over that choice.

 

To bring those back together, and you start automatically making the choices, 

 

The better results. And that’s how they become a master at anything, really. 

 

That’s really, it’s what you’re helping people do is unpack that stimulus response, 

 

Take out the bad decision making and put in better decision making,

 

Riana Milne  

Or not bad decision making the decision making that unconsciously has been driven 

 

Them most of their lives because of the childhood conditioning. 

 

It all really goes back to that, you know, that’s what’s so fascinating about that.

 

Richard Matthews  

How important, my fear is apparent, is that I’m doing something that I’m going to 

 

Really mess up their their decision making as an adult, which is a probably 

 

Every parent’s fear, but the it because it’s true. Whatever you give them 

 

They come to you as a blank slate, and you give them all the things that –

 

All the skills and the coping skills and the decision making skills that 

 

They’re going to use the rest of their lives.

 

Riana Milne  

I love being a counselor in the schools, because the the kids that we’re not 

 

Getting guidance, love or nurturing at home, were the ones acting out 

 

In the schools. They were the bullies, they were the ones acting up in their classroom. 

 

So I got a chance to reparent them, as a counselor. And I taught them 

 

The mindset for success and their friends went up and their grades went up, 

 

Their anxiety went down. A lot of them didn’t either ADHD meds anymore. 

 

So, all my students were meditating in my office, which was called 

 

Miss Riana’s relaxation room. I taught them how to meditate and calm down 

 

The brain processes. So I look back, and I’m like, “Oh, my gosh, I’ve been working 

 

with you trauma for 20 years.” It’s all that I had been getting as a counselor. 

 

And it was really time to bring out the checklist and really uncovere this.

 

Richard Matthews  

Question for you. Because a lot of you have this experience. 

 

What is the difference between teaching a child to do something 

 

And teaching an adult to do something, because you’re teaching 

 

The same set of skills, whether or not you’re teaching them to a child in

 

Ms. Riana’s relaxation room, or teaching them to adults who are going through 

 

Your program? How have you found that educational experience as a teacher, different?

 

Riana Milne  

I don’t really find it much different at all, I really look at young people 

 

As being brilliant, I don’t treat them as little kids, I treat them as equals. 

 

I think they’re brilliant. They want to learn and they know they have pain in their life. 

 

They know they can’t make friends. They know that their grade should be better. 

 

They know they’re unhappy at home. Same with the adults and 

 

The adults come to me, they come because there’s some kind of pain going on. 

 

They’ve been in a toxic marriage for 20 years. They have to get out that. 

 

They’re so overwhelmed with their pain and their anxiety, and bouts of depression. 

 

So really, it’s very equal, and a child knows when they’re in pain, 

 

Just like an adult knows that they’re in pain and not happy. So when they 

 

Get to that point, “I want to change my life,” I want to learn what to do 

 

To make this pain go away. It’s just teaching them and it’s still,  I said, 

 

For the adult, it’s reparenting. So I can teach the same type of meditation

 

And I do to my elementary school kids, that I teach to my adults. 

 

In communication skills, for my couples, I teach my students the art of negotiation. 

 

They can barely say the words, but they know how to negotiate 

 

Through a problem, or before they would fight their way through it. 

 

So, it’s fascinating teaching it all levels.

 

Richard Matthews  

I love that you said that, because it’s one of the things that I catch 

 

A lot of flack from as a parent, from other parents who don’t understand my mindset. 

 

All the way down to – I’ve always treated my kids as if they are on my level. 

 

Riana Milne  

Yeah. 

 

Richard Matthews  

From an intellectual standpoint. And I remember like specifically, Tommy’s, 

 

… for a few minutes ago, he was 18, months walking, barely talking, 

 

That kind of thing. And we were out in the backyard throwing a ball with each other. 

 

And as we’re throwing the ball, I’m just explaining the physics 

 

Of throwing the ball to him. We’re going and telling them about parabolic arches 

 

And all the mathematics, because something I find fascinating. And I throw the ball

 

With an 18-month old, to keep my own mind engaged, and my stepdad comes up, 

 

Comes out and be like, “Why are you doing that? He can’t understand any 

 

Of those things you’re saying.” And, I was like, “Who am I to judge what he can 

 

or can understand.” And I remember we come back a couple of weeks later. 

 

And we had a bit earlier, we’ve been throwing the ball up onto the porch, 

 

And he couldn’t quite get it up on the porch. And I explained to him, I was like, 

 

“Step back a little bit, you’ll have a shallower arch and you’ll be able to throw it

 

With your strength, with your arm. And he’s 18 months old, right? 

 

So, he couldn’t even say the word parabolic arch, let alone understand. 

 

When we come back a couple weeks later, and we go out to the backyard 

 

And takes the ball and he immediately steps back and he throws the ball 

 

Up onto the patio, and it goes parabolic arch dad, parabolic arch.

 

Riana Milne  

Wow. Awesome.

 

Richard Matthews  

And from that point on, it was like I was sold. I was like, my son is capable- 

 

I can’t judge what he can or can’t understand. So I’ve always just given him everything 

 

And let his mind soak it in.

 

Riana Milne  

There’s a great body of research, Richard, its called the dome -Well,

 

When I studied it, I was pregnant. So it’s 36 years ago, the Doman Method of Education,

 

Which is outside of Philadelphia, very close to where I lived. It was called 

 

The Better Baby Institute. Now I think it’s called the Institute for Human Potential, 

 

And you can find it online. And I was reading their books. And I said, 

 

This totally, I believe in this. I’m going to teach my kids to read. My kids 

 

Were reading books by the time they were two. I took him into kindergarten, 

 

I said, “What are you teaching them?” 

 

“Well, we start with this letter A and this is letter B.” And I said, “Honey, go get a book 

 

On the bookshelf to read to the teacher.” She picks up a book, she starts reading it, 

 

they’re like, “Oh, my God!” I said, my kids have been reading for years. And but they 

 

Couldn’t go into school because of the age role like you can only be – 

 

You have to enter in. But Alexi exempted 11th grade, she moved to 10th to 12th grade. 

 

They both grade graduated top 5% of their class and mostly had A’s all throughout. 

 

They had the love of learning because I made learning a game. 

 

And I said, I have three grandsons now. So I said, “Just do the same things 

 

With your boys talk to them, like they understand you when they’re babies,

 

And they’ll talk sooner, and they’ll be when they do start talking, they’re going to 

 

Really understand a lot more and I watched them progress. And it’s fascinating. 

 

I love it. You know that the teachers … on how they learned. 

 

Richard Matthews  

All four of them were potty trained by 18 months. Now my current two year old 

 

Is talking up a storm and reading and she’s counting to 10 and sign language 

 

And in English. 

 

Riana Milne  

Awesome. 

 

Richard Matthews  

That kind of stuff. It’s crazy. Like how quickly they learned when you – 

 

Riana Milne  

There’s their brains are sponges from zero to five. So any parents that’s 

 

Missing out on that learning curve and making learning fun, and the game 

 

Is really, really missing out on giving their child the edge for the rest of their lives.

 

Richard Matthews  

That’s a good point, too. Because one of the things that I’ve always sort of 

 

Believed and I think more people, more parents should particularly take advantage of. 

 

My goal as a parent is to give my child more resources than I had. And I had a lot.

 

My dad worked his ass off to give me a big step up. And that’s how we progress 

 

As a society is by sending our children forth with more than we had.

 

Riana Milne  

We want our children – 

 

My daughter hit over a million dollars last year as a 36 year old global coach. 

 

So you teach the mindset for success. early on. I remember, she was sitting there 

 

Watching the TV commercial for Save the Children, they had the little 

 

Children in Africa. They’re starving. She goes, “Mom, I’m going to go to Africa and 

 

Take care of those kids one day,” and I said, “You know what? I totally believe you will.” 

 

And by 20 she goes on and put water wells in Africa. It’s like, “Okay, this has been 

 

A dream of yours for a long time.” Figure out. And she put it on her own.

 

I didn’t do it for her. She and her best friend. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Have you considered putting together a program for parents. So you’re teaching 

 

These mindsets, but like how they can then put those into and teach their kids those mindsets? 

 

Riana Milne  

I haven’t built it yet.

 

And I know I should. I know I should. It’s on the …

 

Richard Matthews  

I will buy it.

 

Riana Milne  

I should. Thank you. Because I’ve taught a lot of parental education and 

 

Teacher education in the schools, as well. As a SAC counselor. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Absolutely. So let’s talk a little bit about that. So that would be like a tool 

 

In your tool belt, right? It’s knowing how to pass those mindset, 

 

That thinking on to someone else. We talked on the show about your heroes tool belt 

 

Things like, Thor has this magical hammer, maybe you just really love the way 

 

Evernote helps you organize your thoughts. What are some of the tools that 

 

You use on a daily basis to do what you do in your business. To do what you do

 

To help coach people –

 

Riana Milne  

Well, my Live and Love books are part of my curriculum, and my hundred and 

 

Fifty-page notebook, everybody says their gold. That’s where the gold is. 

 

These were worksheets I put together. Some are from where I got my training, 

 

RCI Relationship Coaching Institute, however many I developed on my own 

 

Around the research on trauma and how it impacts adults in their lives. 

 

So my clients fill them out, and they get them back to me. And it’s kind of like 

 

Biblio therapy or journaling therapy, as they write. This is how I interpreted 

 

As a clinical trauma professional. Now, like I have somebody write 

 

All about their dad. And then I said, “But you realize in that two-page story 

 

You didn’t say one thing about your mom?” I said, “So she was pretty absent in your life, huh?” 

 

The father was really a monster and the mom checked out because 

 

She was afraid to stand up to the husband. So I see things like that through the writing. 

 

And then we go through the worksheets, and with that, that helps me 

 

To coach them, and it’s very individualized, based on the workbooks. 

 

So then I have the online schools.

 

Richard Matthews  

But really where’s the – the tools come in?

 

Riana Milne  

But then I have the online school, which is a self-study program. And has PowerPoints, 

 

Audios, videos and worksheets in there. For anyone that wants to sign up 

 

At that level, which is called our mastery level. That’s the introductory level.

 

Richard Matthews  

Interesting. I love how often, writing comes up for entrepreneurs, 

 

As a tool to get things done? And the way to think and see what’s going on? 

 

Do you think there’s any sort of – Why do you think that is? Why do you think 

 

Writing is such a powerful tool for, in your case, for helping people- 

 

Riana Milne  

Its getting your ideas out in a concrete way. And also that, then does we have

 

A goal setting system that we put in place once our ideas are out. Where are 

 

They going to go? Do you need one week, two weeks, one month? 

 

What’s the best order to do these? That we do is what we call outside 

 

Of the box thinking? Which my boss from this radio station said, “Hon, you always

 

Got to come up with something that makes you different from everybody else.” 

 

So, when I’m brainstorming with people, part of life coaching in my company, 

 

Is also helping people get businesses off the ground. So it’s like what is your niche? 

 

What is going to make you special? What’s going to make you different from 

 

Every other life coach out there. I am the only life and love coach that’s also 

 

A certified clinical trauma professional, and a psychotherapist. So, I put all these 

 

Hats on to help my people. First, heal have self-love and then go on 

 

To create their dreams. Help them create. If part of their dream is getting 

 

Out of the job they hate, then part of my job is to brainstorm with them, 

 

To help them create that life, that career that they would really love.

 

Richard Matthews  

So something you just reminded me of that I want to bring up real quick. I know 

 

Probably not a lot of our audience is terribly religious, but one of the – you mentioned 

 

Self-love as being a tool. And I know, scripturally speaking, one of the things 

 

That when I think it’s Peter asks Christ, he says, “What are the greatest commandments?”

 

And he says something of, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, 

 

Mind and strength” and then, “Love your neighbor, as you love yourself.” 

 

So, there’s an assumption that you love yourself. And, it’s interesting how many people 

 

Don’t have that own assumption in their life that they don’t start with that. 

 

They don’t start with “I love myself,” and then they can’t love their neighbors.

 

You’re talking about how relationships are being made because they don’t have that. 

 

That assumption that Christ has, that you’re going to love yourself, because you have 

 

That spark of divinity that you have, the worthiness of being loved. 

 

Riana Milne  

I really liked Ernest Holmes in the Science of Mind Philosophy. That’s what I study now. 

 

Plus, I like the Course of Miracles. But they’re all the higher books are saying 

 

The same thing must have self-love, despite what your circumstances, 

 

One that you came from, you have to have the self-love before you can love another. 

 

So, some people come in with such low self-esteem and guilt-ridden and not happy 

 

And really down on themselves. And we have to start there, that unfortunately, 

 

In our culture, somebody breaks up the next day, they go online and 

 

Go back out there today, right? It’s like, no, that’s the wrong thing to do. 

 

You have to stop, regroup, get yourself back, first. Spend some time in 

 

Making you feel terrific again. 

 

Richard Matthews  

We’ve been talking a lot about entrepreneurship and things like that, and business 

 

And being a coach. And in those things, if you don’t have that foundation, 

 

You’re not going to be able to go out and actually have a mission and 

 

Have a driving force that’s helping other people that’s going to have an impact 

 

Beyond yourself. So if you don’t- 

 

Riana Milne  

Right.

 

Richard Matthews  

If you don’t have yourself taken cared of, not only will be able to love your neighbors. 

 

You won’t be able to build a business that really succeeds and thrives.

 

Riana Milne  

Yes, like that mindset for survival, for success. That I had at 25 years old that 

 

Made me leave that toxic marriage and go from modeling talent school. 

 

Open it up just because I believed I could do it. That in prayer, and I couldn’t get 

 

At 26 years old and two little kids to take care of, what made me survive that 

 

Alone because I just had that three quarters of a million dollar bankruptcy. 

 

And still feel I can do this. And I just, again, getting the mindset focused, 

 

Setting up your daily goals, your weekly goals, your monthly goals, 

 

Your six month goals, your one year goal and proceeding each day 

 

Towards those goals. And believing that you can. Faith is everything and 

 

Faith is not religion. Faith is that belief that your God-given self, this higher person 

 

Within you can accomplish what it is your dreams, your goals. And eventually, 

 

That should be serving your purpose in life. We’re all here for a reason. 

 

What is that? You know, Richard? I’m also Reverend Rihanna. A lot of people 

 

Don’t know that. I mean, I’ve been doing marriage ceremonies since 1997. 

 

It’s one of my other businesses. I created it and I love it. But yes, I mean, 

 

That spiritual faith, no matter what you want to call it, whether it’s Judaism or 

 

Christian or Muslim, there’s a higher order a higher faith belief system. 

 

And you’ve got to find it because that is what’s healing, it makes you feel your best. 

 

It gives you that confidence that you are here for a reason. And it helps you make 

 

Your mission and purpose in life crystal clear. So gets you through the tough times.

 

Richard Matthews  

And by the way, also up on the number of marriages. I went to a Bible college 

 

And actually have a degree in preaching.

 

Riana Milne  

I know I saw that

 

Richard Matthews  

So that’s a it’s a thing I do. But anyway –

 

Push forward just a little bit on this and talk about your own personal heroes, right. 

 

So, Frodo had Gandalf, Luke had Obi Wan, Robert Kiyosaki has Rich Dad.

 

Who are some of your heroes, where they real-life mentors? Are they authors, 

 

Speakers, people who are just a few years ahead of you and 

 

How important were they to what you’ve accomplished so far?

 

Riana Milne  

Well, for business, like I said, the sales manager at the radio station Philadelphia 

 

Taught me a whole lot about marketing, PR promotion, working with 

 

The general public. He was phenomenal. But I was always a reader. As a young kid,

 

I remember, in second grade, I won an award for reading the most books 

 

In the year, it was 99. I said, “Nope, it was 100.” That was my goal. “But you 

 

only recorded 99.” But they were almost all biographies. So I was always learning. 

 

Love to learn. So I started there. And then it’s 16. Unfortunately, my best friend 

 

Was killed by a drunk driver. And it really made me question how much life do I have left? 

 

When is it going to be my turn and I have to make a difference in life now 

 

For me and for Michael. And then my Penn State roommate is 33 years and fortunately 

 

Was murdered by her boyfriend in a domestic violence incident. And we she was 23

 

I was 24. And again, it was a wake up call. How much time do I have left? 

 

And this was part of my mission. I became a drug and alcohol counselor 

 

To get back in Michael’s name. And I was an advocate for people of domestic violence

 

Men, women and children because of current situation. So, these real life situations 

 

Made me think and be different. In my 20s I really like Marianne Williamson 

 

And the Course of Miracles. Tony Robbins, I always loved his work. Napoleon Hill, 

 

Think and Grow Rich. Ernest Holmes, I’m reading right now, This Thing Called You 

 

About your spiritual, Divine Self. So, always reading. My coaches that I’ve had, 

 

My business coach was Lisa Sasevich, I signed up at the highest level, 

 

The diamond level, I worked with her for a year. And John Lee Dumas 

 

Was my podcast coach, and he’s phenomenal. And I’m still working with him. 

 

And Dean Graziosi right now is a program out with Tony Robbins, and I’m learning 

 

A lot from Dean, I think he’s terrific. And I’m also learning a lot from my daughter, 

 

Alexi Panos, who is speaking all over the world. She’s been coaching since 

 

For eight years now, I think, and she’s been doing it full time more than I have. 

 

I was the the traditional psychotherapist. So you know, what’s really working for her, 

 

I always go to her for advice. And isn’t that cool, the parent can go to the child, 

 

In high respect, and say, “I need to learn this. Help me!” which is really great. 

 

So I’m always opening to learning new skills and new techniques that will help me 

 

To reach my clients in a better way, or teach them in a better way.

 

Richard Matthews  

Absolutely. And I love that you’ve gotten to a point with your children that 

 

You’re actually learning from them. 

 

Riana Milne  

Yeah 

 

Richard Matthews  

I was just just telling my best friend, a business partner the other day that 

 

I’m pretty excited. My oldest has gotten to the point where we can do things together. 

 

Where I don’t have to do the parenting. Things like, we can go kayaking together. 

 

And the two of us can go and we can kayak together. And I’m not teaching him and, 

 

I’m not parenting him as we kayak, if that makes sense.

 

Riana Milne  

Yeah, youre just hanging out as buddies. 

 

Richard Matthews  

We’re just hanging out as buddies.

 

Riana Milne  

That’s great. 

 

Richard Matthews  

All my other kids are younger. So everything we do is parenting.  

 

Riana Milne  

Yes, it is. 

 

Richard Matthews  

It’s a cool place to be where we can do something together that we’re just buddies. 

 

And I think it’s really cool when you get to a point where you have that 

 

Kind of relationship where you can go to your child and actually learn from them. 

 

Riana Milne  

I love my kids company. They’re bright, they’re intelligent, are also learners, readers. 

 

Always challenging themselves and feeling confident about those challenges. 

 

It’s really nice to have them as your adult friends.

 

Richard Matthews  

Absolutely. As one of my favorite parts of growing up was that transition from

 

Being my parents’ child to being a peer, if that makes sense. That transition in 

 

The relationship was one of my favorite parts of growing up. … parents now because of it. 

 

Anyways, I look forward to doing that again, as my children grow up. So on the other side, 

 

Riana Milne  

Every stage with the kids is really amazing. Wait until you become a grandparent, 

 

It’s like, “Oh, my God!” then you see these little babies growing up that you help make.

 

They’re your kids, too. So it’s fascinating.

 

Richard Matthews  

…

 

Riana Milne  

We call the circle of life, when you have a grandchild come.

 

Richard Matthews  

She’s like, I love you a lot. It was fun. But being a grandparent is way better.

 

Riana Milne  

I can say, it’s hard because I don’t live where I live now. So I have to, go and visit. 

 

But it just, luckily, today we have the FaceTime, we have the Alexa is that 

 

You can see them like almost in real life. It’s really close, where my mom didn’t 

 

Have that with my children when they were growing up. 

 

So the technology is really helpful. 

 

Richard Matthews  

So let’s bring it home for our listeners a little bit and talk about 

 

Your guiding principles. What are the top one or two things that you do, 

 

On a daily basis that contribute to your success and the influence 

 

That you enjoy today. Ones that maybe you wish you knew when you got started?

 

Riana Milne  

Just recapping, I mean, really, since my 20s, I’ve been constantly learning 

 

And reading and one of my favorite days off is going to the beach 

 

With a great book, goal setting for success that’s been happening since my 20s. 

 

And that’s why I’ve been reaching a lot of my entrepreneurial goals. 

 

Everything I set my mind to I’m able to do. I like to create new programs and 

 

New challenges think outside of the box, what’s different, to grow my business 

 

And to bring cutting edge programs to my clients. And I’m always thinking 

 

What makes me different, as the entrepreneur. Like I said, there’s tons of life, 

 

People out there calling themselves life coaching or love coaches. So what makes 

 

My programs different, and they’re very, very different. And, that’s nice, because 

 

Then, you get known as the expert. Known as life love transformation expert, 

 

Especially around anything trauma related. So those principles,

 

Richard Matthews  

I think that’s probably one of one of the most important things you’ve said, 

 

And the whole conversation we’ve had today is learning how to communicate, 

 

Like, what your differenc is and how to communicate it. Or are universally 

 

Applicable to all entrepreneurs, whether or not you’re creating a product 

 

That you’re selling on Amazon, or getting in retail stores, to doing life coaching, 

 

To building programs, whatever it is you’re doing, you have to be able to identify 

 

Your difference and then communicate that difference to an audience 

 

If you’re going to sell anything. Do you have any tips for learning 

 

How to find your difference, whether it’s you know, for a product or a coach, 

 

Or whatever it is that you’re doing, and how you –

 

Riana Milne  

I call it outside of the box thinking now keep in mind, I’ve been doing this 

 

Since a teenager, so it comes so naturally for me. But you have to research your topic.

 

If you’re a love coach, what are the love coaches doing? And then you got to say, 

 

What are they not doing? And where’s my area of expertise. Now, it’s also really 

 

Important as a coach, you have what we call a hero’s journey. In other words, 

 

You’ve gone through this problem, this pain, and you’re on the other side of it, 

 

And this is what then becomes your, I have a quote, unquote: Your pain becomes 

 

Your purpose and your passion and your purpose. Your pain becomes your purpose 

 

And your passion. So if you can turn that around, and I needed to research, 

 

I mean, I had eight psychotherapy friends that I had to go to and it’s like, 

 

“Why is my husband acting like this?” and they’re like, “We have no idea.” 

 

So I’m going to figure it out. And that’s what started my journey to 

 

Uncovering childhood trauma, because I needed those answers for my own healing. 

 

And I’m like, this is fascinating, nobody’s talking about this. I didn’t learn this 

 

In my triple masters. This has to get out there. And that’s how I said, 

 

“Nobody else was doing it.” So that’s how I became the trauma professional that I am. 

 

Richard Matthews  

One of the ways that I teach that idea to my clients, is we do a lot 

 

Of instructional design and stuff with with my clients is, this idea that you have, your client. 

 

The person that you’re speaking to, is someone who’s on some sort 

 

Of a journey themselves, right there on their own hero’s journey wanting to 

 

Accomplish something. And, they’re on one side of what I call the crocodile and …

 

And the crocodile, or they’re looking to accomplish, to get across, the transformation 

 

They want to make. And that river, you know, it’s infested with crocodiles, 

 

And it’s got, whirlpools in it, man. It’s got other things that are going 

 

To slow them down or have problems with. And I want to get to the other side 

 

Of the river, which is the promised land, and they want to live life on the other side 

 

In the promised land. And so when you come along with your coaching, 

 

Or your program or your product, that is like bringing them a boat, and then 

 

They can get in the boat, and they can go across the river and your boats cool. 

 

It’s kind of, it’s a crocodile disintegrating lasers, and GPS, and all that kind of stuff. 

 

Those are like the features of your program. But the thing that sets your boat apart

 

From all the other boats that are options for them … With you as the captain? 

 

And that is, you have perspective that no one else has. Because you’ve been 

 

On this journey before. You have avoided the cracked pile successfully, 

 

Or you’ve helped other people do that. And learning how to nail down that 

 

The importance of – for you and for your programs, is you, that uniqueness that you 

 

Were talking about. And learn to communicate that uniqueness to your audience 

 

So they’ll go and get on the boat with you. And you can help make that transformation.

 

Riana Milne  

It’s being authentic to really understanding their problem. If someone else 

 

Tried to do what I’m doing, and they haven’t been through my same journey. 

 

So they haven’t worked 20 years with people and trauma and then put together 

 

This around love. Because it happened to me in love relationships, right? 

 

Trauma happened to me and love relationships. And everybody thinks I had 

 

A pretty normal childhood. But once you investigate, and I put all those different 

 

Work experiences together. Why were these teams running away from home? 

 

Why are these kids bullying everybody else in the school? What’s going on? 

 

How can I help them and you know, make a friend and be more friendly, 

 

And what is their pain that they’re going through. So it’s really a unique story for me. 

 

And when you feel that you’re tapping into your own hero’s journey, 

 

Then you enjoy the journey. It’s, yes, you want to get to the other side. 

 

But you also enjoy all the learning in between and what we call becoming evolved, 

 

Which is being your highest and your best self. So when you’re living this purpose, 

 

Mission driven life and you’re helping other humans, and they feel your energy. 

 

And your understanding and your empathy towards their pain, they open 

 

Their heart and their mind too, so they trust you. And then, because they know

 

You’ve been through the same thing, and then when they’re learning 

 

And they’re changing. When they’re done, they’re so excited about their life 

 

And their transformation. They’re teaching others. So I just had a podcast 

 

With one of my grads, Olia, who is a Russian immigrant. Came here with 

 

Enough money to own in her pocket to get here, at 18 years old, came alone. 

 

And just she was dramatically tortured in Russia. And then she had 

 

One bad relationship and another one than a bad marriage for 10 years. 

 

And she called me crying after hearing me on a podcast or 

 

For hurricane Irma. But I’m like, “Look, I’m going to talk to you right now 

 

A relationship summit, actually. And I was running around preparing my house 

 

The electric might go out any second, it might be a week before I call you back. 

 

But I want to talk to you right now.” And she said, “I just felt so loved and nurtured

 

Because you stopped and you cared. And you understood what I was going through.” 

 

And it’s like, I want to work with her. So, you have to really feel what you’re doing 

 

Is important to give to the world. And when you do, it’s not about selling someone. 

 

It’s about understanding and being the answer for their pain. 

 

That’s what success in business is.

 

Richard Matthews  

It’s really connecting with that authentic …

 

Riana Milne  

Yeah. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Uniqueness that you have, because no one else can do what you do.

 

Riana Milne  

Exactly.

 

Richard Matthews  

And you know, one of the reasons probably why your program is so successful 

 

Is because you’re helping people understand their uniqueness. And once they learn 

 

To understand and love themselves and move forward with that stuff that 

 

No one else can do, what they were put here to do. You have their story 

 

And their uniqueness, and then you want to make the same kind of impact 

 

With whatever it is that they’ve been given to do.

 

Riana Milne  

Super powerful. Like Olia went on to be a health coach. And she said, 

 

“I needed to have a business to support me and my son,” I said, “Let’s do that 

 

“In your coaching. This is part of life, I’ll do that.” So, she was she transformed so much. 

 

I wanted her to be one of my coaching coaches, as well. And her business went up 

 

So much with all the activitiess we we put in place that she’s too busy to be 

 

One of mine just now. But she’s another one of my testimonials about 

 

How this program really works. So she is now helping people that are struggling 

 

In health who have childhood trauma. overcome that because she understands it. 

 

So this is how the mission gets spread. One person that I teach is teaching others 

 

When they see someone in pain, they know what it is. 

 

It’s amazing it is like a small global effects.

 

Richard Matthews  

That basically brings us to the end of our show, I got two more things that I do. 

 

One of them, I call the HERO challenge. Your challenge is pretty simple. 

 

And I do this all my guests and basically it’s; Do you know someone in your network

 

That you think has a really good story, an entrepreneurial story that they should 

 

Come and share on the podcast? And who are they and why do you think 

 

They should come share their story?

 

Riana Milne  

Okay, well, probably Olia, who I just shared her story with, 

 

Who came to this country at 18, couldn’t speak the language with nothing. No cash, 

 

Except to get here and went through hell and relationships. To be on the other side, 

 

Is now this successful health coach who’s happy has an amazing relationship. 

 

She told me they just bought an ocean-home front, home together. I mean, 

 

This, she’s living the American dream, and she loves her business. 

 

She’s helping people have extreme health. So yeah, I can give your name. 

 

She’d be thrilled to talk to you. And I have a lot of people that I’m thinking of. 

 

But that stands out in my mind, because I just mentioned her.

 

Richard Matthews  

Awesome. So last thing is I know, we mentioned this couple of times, 

 

Where can people find you? If they are looking to go through one of these programs? 

 

And more importantly, who’s the kind of person that should reach out

 

And go through your programs? If they’re listening to this and 

 

They’re thinking to themselves, “Should I reach out or not?” 

 

Who’s the person that should? “Yes,” Should say, “Yes, I should reach out and come find you.”

 

Riana Milne  

Okay, well, this is an interesting area. I work with men, women, straight and 

 

LGBQ population from 16 to 76, or older. And the reason is, 

 

Childhood trauma has no prejudice. So anyone that knows that they’re suffering 

 

Ss an adult today in life and love, or they’re going off to college, 

 

And they’re feeling really panicked about that, or they’re back home 

 

And graduated from college, and they don’t know where to get started 

 

To start their life and have a career or a woman out of a 23 toxic year relationship

 

 Just got divorced. And it’s like, “Oh my god, how do I start over?” 

 

“I haven’t dated for 23 years.” Or man, that was just ripped off by a sociopathic woman

 

Who he loved and is hurting, you know, and needs to heal. And why is he 

 

Attracted to people that keep hurting him over and over again. 

 

So I have many different people with many different stories. 

 

But, it’s unbelievable that the base root of the pain is childhood trauma. 

 

So the best thing is, if you’re kind of recognizing yourself in those 10 traumas, 

 

Reach out to me at my website, it’s https://rianamilne.com and there is a pop up form 

 

To meet with me it’s a very low rate. And it’s a limited first time special going on. 

 

And I give you several assessments and we need for an hour on Skype.

 

And then, I get to the bottom of the root of your issues that are keeping you stuck. 

 

There’s positive free chapter downloads of both Live and Love Beyond Your Dreams

 

On that homepage. As well as, free love tests and childhood trauma checklist 

 

Is on there. So I want everyone to do that. And then if you want more information 

 

On the childhood trauma checklist and what I’m talking about, I have a free ebook 

 

And it’s at http://havetheloveyoudeserve.com,   http://havetheloveyoudeserve.com 

 

And of course my podcast Lessons in Life and Love, every Friday comes out 

 

https://lessonsinlifeandlove.com I have an app, Lessons in Life and Love on the Go

 

It’s free to download, so you’ve got articles, videos, audios, I’m kind of all over the place.

 

I’m also on Alexa. So, Daily Lessons in Life and Love. So just put my name in there. 

 

I’ll pop up, Riana Milne. 

 

Richard Matthews  

So, it’s for those of you who are thinking about it, it’s www dot Riana, 

 

R-I-A-N-A Milne M-I-L-N-E dot com. And that’s the right place to reach out to you? 

 

Riana Milne  

That’s the best start. 

 

Richard Matthews  

Also, thank you so much for coming on the show Riana. This has been a really 

 

Fascinating conversation. I’ve never even discussed childhood trauma 

 

With anyone before. So it’s super fascinating …

 

Riana Milne  

It’s noon. Thank you. 

 

And how it affects entrepreneurs and affects what we’re doing. And I just love 

 

Richard Matthews  

How you connected it to your higher purpose, right, being able to get to the things 

 

That you should be doing to help people. That’s really what the show is all about. 

 

It’s about helping people, connect with their story and realize and hopefully, 

 

Through seeing someone like using your story and seeing how they can 

 

Do the same kind of thing in their lives. So anyway, it’s been really fascinating. 

 

Glad You Came on.

 

Riana Milne  

Thank you, Richard, for having me. And by doing that you’re helping to spread 

 

The message of changing the way the world loves. So I thank you very much on that. 

 

And I’m sure we’ll see each other again down the road.

 

Richard Matthews  

Absolutely. Thank you very much for coming on today. 

 

Riana Milne  

Thank you